1. Today and a female colleague went to the hotel to open a room, after the end of the matter she went to take a shower, then her mobile phone rang, I don't think much about it directly, after the answer to react is her husband. Witty I spoke

1. Today and a female colleague went to the hotel to open a room, after the end of the matter she went to take a shower, then her mobile phone rang, I don't think much about it directly, after the answer to react is her husband. Witty I said: "Is it your mobile phone, I have been waiting for an hour, now people love to lose mobile phones!" Then his husband weakly replied, "Oh thank you." "Give me a thumbs up for my wit."

2. A beautiful beautiful woman was deceived into the pyramid scheme nest by her classmates, the pyramid scheme leader brainwashed her in class, the beauty was very cooperative with the serious study of the lecture, and the light of worship flashed in her eyes: I had to sincerely say, "Big brother, I worship you as a teacher, you teach me well, take me, let me learn to make money with you." As soon as the eldest brother heard that the beauty was hooked, he said to let her pay the money, and the beauty said yes, I will go home tomorrow to get the money! You must take me to the top of my life! The eldest brother heard that the beautiful woman wanted to go home to get the money, and his heart was even happier, and he continued to brainwash her: "You can ask your family to transfer money to you, so that you don't have to run around, and you can quickly seize the opportunity to get rich." The beauty said, "My father will not give me money if I don't go back, my father is a very stubborn person, he will not see me, he will not give me money." "The eldest brother is blinded by money, and he also believes in his brainwashing technology, thinking that the beauty is too simple and has been brainwashed successfully." The next morning, I asked the beautiful woman to hurry back to get the money, and the beautiful woman said grievously: "Big brother, I don't have a fare, can you borrow 600 yuan for me?" When I come back I'll pay you back a thousand dollars. "The eldest brother thought about it, anyway, the money she got back was mine, and it didn't hurt to lend her some." So the eldest brother gave the beautiful woman six hundred yuan. The female college students thanked her, thanked her again and again, and promised to return soon. A week passed, the female college student did not come back, the eldest brother waited impatiently, he picked up the mobile phone and called her and asked: "When are you coming back?" There is no chance to come back. The female college student replied: "You liar, do you really think I have been brainwashed by you?" If it wasn't for the escape, I wouldn't have bothered to act with you? I've called the police, you're waiting to be caught! ”

3. On this day, my sister-in-law came to my house to play, and my son came back from school and stared at his aunt for a few seconds. Then without a sound he turned around and went back to his room. The husband stopped him and said, "Why are you so rude that you don't say hello when you see your aunt." The son turned around and said seriously, "My aunt has become ugly, and I don't want to recognize her." After saying that, I went back to my room, leaving my husband and my sister-in-law messy in the wind.

4. Recently, my husband has been taking care of me, which is very hard. Today I made a big table of dishes, planning to treat him well. When he came back from work, I bent down ninety degrees to welcome him: my husband is back, my husband is working hard! I was preparing to get him slippers, this 1+1 goods came to the sentence: Daughter-in-law, are you peeking at my computer...

5. Yesterday I was back on campus again and met the goddess of crush, and I rode her around the school in a bicycle. Suddenly a Bentley passed by us, and the girl I had a crush on said to me: If you can get over that car, I'll be with you. As soon as I heard it, I immediately got up and caught up, desperately pedaling. As I was getting ready to catch up with my foot at 200 per minute, I was woken up by a slap from my daughter-in-law. The wife scolded: "What did you dream about again, see you shake your head and kick your feet and get rid of the quilt!" ”

6. Father: Son, you go buy a bottle of wine and come back. No matter how much the boss asks, kill him for half the price. Son: Received! Son: How much does a bottle of wine cost? Owner: 80! The son thought for a moment: No, 40. Owner: 60 bar. Son: No, 30. Boss: Then 40. Son: No, 20! Boss: 30 is always OK!! The son thought about it: No! 15！！ The boss said angrily: Just give it to you for free! The son thought about it again and said, "No, you have to give me two bottles." boss:......

7. The daughter-in-law's family is very rich, the mother-in-law opened a listed company belonging to the billionaires, the first time to see the mother-in-law is a little nervous. My mother-in-law was cooking, and I was embarrassed to help. A large table of dishes was laid out, and I took the Moutai wine and poured a large cup of Moutai wine to the old man and thanked the old man. But the old man said that he did not drink, and I held up the wine glass to be embarrassed there. At this time, the mother-in-law took the wine glass and grunted very boldly and dried it all. So the first time I went to my father-in-law's house, I was given under the table by my mother-in-law.

8. In the evening, the family watches TV together. The wife suddenly said: Are you annoyed with me again? Well? Me: I just don't think the whole world is bothered by you! My mother suddenly said to my wife in a serious manner: Didn't my son ever say that you are his whole world? I:...... The wife was stunned and immediately fought with me.

9. In order not to let her daughter lose at the starting line, she signed up for various interest classes in dance, art and music from the age of two. Once, I jokingly asked my daughter: "We are going to raise a pig, but we need to arrange work, we have to choose a person to feed the pig delicious food every day, a person to clean the pig's room every day, a person to bathe the pig every day, and a person to play with the pig every day, what do you want to do?" The daughter replied without hesitation: "Be a pig!" ”

10. Double Eleven worked overtime in the company, I drank a lot of coffee, but I couldn't sleep when I got home... The next morning the son said, "Daddy, why do you get up in the middle of the night and watch TV?" I laughed and said, "I got up in the middle of the night to listen to you talk about dreams." The son asked, "Did I talk about dreams?" What did I say? I said, "You said you liked Daddy the best." The wife brushed her lips and said, "I really don't know who is talking about dreams." ”

11. After three days of high fever, my skin has become better, my eyes have become brighter, the whole person is delicate and rosy and shiny, probably because of the rest, drinking more water and accelerating metabolism. So I searched the Internet for similar cases, and found that some people asked in the forum: "Why does fever make me look better?" Excitedly, I went in, and the first reply was, "Because you're confused."

#Funny##搞笑段子 #