1. I advise everyone to be careful when eating instant noodles by train! Just now, I was enjoying eating instant noodles when a duffel bag with a thousand knives smashed down and smashed me into the instant noodles! this

1. I advise everyone to be careful when eating instant noodles by train! Just now, I was enjoying eating instant noodles when a duffel bag with a thousand knives smashed down and smashed me into the instant noodles! That's not the point, the point is that the strap hangs around my neck and I can't take it out... If it weren't for the help of well-meaning people, I almost drowned in the instant noodles!

2, the new unit to work for a month, today's salary I was negative more than 1,000, found the human resources department to discuss, it was I this month every day late and early departure was deducted. The original unit was to go to work at eight o'clock and leave at five thirty, but I remembered that I left work at five o'clock at eight o'clock and clocked in on time every day. For a month, no one in the department told me, this character, who has me.

3. I bought two bottles of Moutai wine and took them to my husband's house as a guest. When I arrived, I found that my mother-in-law was cursing the old man. When the daughter-in-law saw the situation, she immediately ran over to say that the mother-in-law was mother-in-law, and let the mother-in-law lose her temper a little, and don't scold people without moving. Looking at her reasonable look, I didn't believe it was my daughter-in-law at all. Sure enough, it is easy to say that others are easy, and it is difficult to get to yourself.

4. Ryoko went to see her future mother-in-law for the first time, and after eating, she played 'Fighting Landlord' with her father and brother. Although the landlord is said to be Liangzi's strong point, Liangzi thought to himself, when playing cards, he must also deliberately lose a little to them, or he will not look embarrassed. As a result, Ryoko lost hundreds... After playing the cards, the girlfriend looked for Ryoko and said, "My dad said that you have a problem with your IQ!!! How to play cards always lose.

5, this night, I and a few friends went to the hotel for dinner, a friend directly drank big. He directly waved a taxi at the entrance of the hotel, and the friend asked the driver: "Master, do you want to go to the airport?" Then the driver nodded. At this point, the friend waved his hand and said, "Then you go, be careful on the road!" "The driver was instantly petrified...

6, in the mobile phone store to see a mobile phone shell, and handsome clerk bargaining for half a day without results, and finally endured the pain to buy it. Before leaving, I reluctantly asked: "Handsome man, bought a mobile phone case and sent me something?" The handsome man was stunned and said lightly, "I'll send you out." ”

7, when Old Li was lying on the sofa playing with his mobile phone, his daughter-in-law said: "The suit in the cabinet is thrown away, you can't wear it." Old Li said, "Well, if you can't wear it, it won't get in the way." The daughter-in-law nodded thoughtfully and asked, "The soles of your running shoes are all pierced, throw them away." Old Li's face did not change: "You can still wear it, keep it." Old Li just finished speaking, and the daughter-in-law quickly ran to the shoe cabinet and drew 800 yuan in cash from the running shoes. Then he smashed his shoe in my face and scolded, "You still want to hide from me?" ”

8, the family demolished, with 50 million demolition money I do not want to go to work, just set up a stall at the gate of Peking University to sell barbecue. Late one night, a college couple came to eat skewers, and I asked them what to order, and they both said casually. As soon as I saw that the girl looked so ugly, and the handsome guy looked so handsome, I directly gave him a plate of roasted brain flowers...

9, someone went to the countryside to run an errand, came back and did not catch the car, but came across a carriage that was on the way, and sat on it. The uncle who drove the car saw that this person was dressed well, so he asked, "Are you the leader?" He nodded and said, "I'm in charge of the whole thing." The old master solemnly respected: "It seems that your officials are still quite a few!" He smiled and said, "Yeah, sometimes if you don't pay attention, you are prone to make directional mistakes." Boss: "Will it be so serious?" This person couldn't help it, and smiled: "To tell you the truth, I am the driver of the unit, I am driving, just like you!" When the old man heard it, he was happy: "So, I am also a leader." Ha ha... ”

10, the second ha who raises a friend, I suspect that this dog's blood is not pure, do not commit two, and do not dismantle the family. Today's mood is not good, it silently accompanied me to occasionally lick my face, I was touched for a moment and wanted to be nice to it, and said to it: Take a bath for you, handsome and handsome to go out to play! As a result, I was boiling water, and it grabbed green onions, ginger, and garlic

11, the girlfriend successfully gave birth to a white and fat size, go to the hospital to visit the girlfriend. Looking through the window, the family of three is very warm. The foodie brought noodle soup and said to her girlfriend's husband: Feed her some soft noodles to eat! My girlfriend's husband asked with a puzzled face: Our children are less than eight pounds, how many noodles should we feed? The foodie's expression was stunned, and the girlfriend said: You better keep your husband away from the children!

12, this year back to my hometown to my grandfather's grave, grandma rode an electric car to take me to the cemetery, all the way to the middle of the road, because both sides of the road are big pits, walk in the middle of the flat, scared me a strong tell her to slow down, the result of grandma domineering sentence: "There is my bicycle, which driver dares to touch me ~ " I was speechless.

13, colleague Lulu took advantage of the lunch break to go shopping, in the afternoon work for half an hour has not returned, the boss just came to the office to find her, asked everyone Why did Lulu not come to work? I quickly secretly gave Lulu WeChat to let her come back quickly, and the boss is looking for you! Lulu replied to me: Looking for me, the toad wants to eat swan meat, I just didn't look at his old and ugly appearance! Suddenly, I found the boss standing behind me with a black line, and then, the boss fined me 200 for playing with my mobile phone at work!!

14, my sister is pregnant, after getting the news, I ran to her house non-stop! After some booing and warming, I began to cut to the point! I said, "Sister, can't you use cosmetics when you're pregnant?" She nodded, and I continued, "Then do you have anything idle to use, I will help you use it!" My sister thought about it and said, "The hula ring dumbbells I bought before to lose weight are useless, you take it with you!" "I...