Text: Marriage counselor Liu Jie
When people reach middle age, their lives seem to be stable, but in fact, many couples begin to have problems in their relationships.
Living the same day every day, work, family, children, and the pressure everywhere, everything seems to become monotonous and boring, making people tasteless and discarded.
In particular, some small problems between husband and wife, which may seem indifferent when they were young, seem to be becoming more and more unbearable now.
In the face of dissatisfaction and grievances in life, women can't help but think, is such a marriage really happy? Is this the life I want?
Some women will feel that since the marriage is not going well, divorce may be a way out, a relief.
But what I want to say is that when a woman reaches middle age, even if she is wronged, she should not divorce easily.
Because divorce is not the "master key" to solve the problem, it may bring more problems and troubles.
01
We all have to understand that marriage is really not something that you get married and it's over.
A lot of the time, it's like growing flowers. When you plant a seed, you need to water, fertilize, and prune every day before it can blossom and bear fruit.
Marriage is the same, it takes two people to work together to be happy for a long time.
In middle age, couples may accumulate a lot of troubles, but that doesn't mean they have to get divorced.
At this time, the two of them should sit down, talk calmly, see what the problem is, and then find a way to solve it together.
Take my colleague Sister Wang and her husband as an example, they have been married for many years, and their relationship has always been very good before.
But in recent years, the children have grown up and left them to study in other places. There was less talk between the two of them, and something went wrong with their relationship.
Sister Wang once thought about divorce, but felt that such a life was boring, and she was very depressed every day.
However, she listened to the persuasion of friends and family and decided to talk to her husband.
That night, they talked for a long time, talking about those unforgettable days in the past, and also about their dissatisfaction and expectations for the present.
Sister Wang found that she did not do well enough in some places, and she didn't realize that her husband also had a lot of grievances in his heart. After this night, they came to an agreement to work hard for their marriage.
From the beginning of talking well, they paid for each other with their hearts, and the relationship between them was much better, and they found the tacit understanding and warmth they had before.
Therefore, if there is a problem in a marriage, there is not only one way to go, divorce. As long as two people are willing to try again, there is a chance to find happiness again.
02
In fact, divorce doesn't solve all problems.
Sometimes, you think divorce will be easy, but in fact, it can lead to more trouble.
For example, divorce needs to face headaches such as property division and child custody. Not only is this time-consuming and energy-consuming, but it can also make your heart heavier.
And, don't think that life will be easy and happy after a divorce.
Do you think it's easy to start a relationship again? Not necessarily.
You have to take the time to get to know each other, you have to be sincere, and you have to have the courage to face the problems of remarriage. Perhaps, the "newcomer" you are looking for is not as good as the "ex".
Socrates once said, "An unexamined life is not worth living".
Therefore, before you want to divorce, you should take a good look at your marriage, see what went wrong, and then try to solve it, instead of trying to run away from it as soon as you encounter it.
After all, marriage is not child's play, it cannot be started casually, let alone ended casually.
03
Middle-aged women, if they choose to divorce, need to face huge pressure.
Although the view of divorce is much more open now, there are still many people who will look at divorced women with prejudice and think that they are problematic or even cheap.
Because of this, whether looking for a job or a partner, divorced women may be treated unfairly.
Especially as you get older, the chances of remarriage will become less and less.
Sister Zhang faced such a dilemma, when she was 45 years old, she chose to divorce because she was incompatible with her husband's personality.
After the divorce, she wanted to go out and find a job, but she ran into walls everywhere and did not find a unit willing to accept her.
She wanted to find a suitable person to start a family again, but found that there were few people who were willing to take care of her, either because she was older or much older than her.
This made Sister Zhang feel very uncomfortable, and she completely saw the cruelty of reality.
Of course, I'm not saying that divorce is necessarily a bad thing, and you can't go down this path.
If you encounter domestic violence, drug gambling and other major events that break the bottom line, divorce may be a better choice.
But in most cases, couples should communicate and discuss more, try to solve problems, and don't divorce at every turn.
Because, divorce does not necessarily solve the problem, and you may need to face more problems after the divorce. The truth of life is that it is made up of one problem after another.
If we divorce when we encounter problems, how many times will we be divorced in this life?
Therefore, when a woman reaches middle age, don't divorce easily.
There is a saying that says: "A happy marriage is not a marriage without problems, but a marriage that knows how to solve problems and grow together." ”
May each of us cherish our marriage, face problems bravely, and live life hand in hand with our partners.