"There are no failed marriages in the world."
In a marriage class, the old professor who has been studying marriage problems wrote this line.
Looking at everyone's disbelief, the old professor took out a glass filled with water and dripped a drop of ink into it, and the ink slowly sank to the bottom of the cup, and the water was still clear.
At this time, the old professor stirred the water, and the ink churned with it, and the water became muddy.
Time passed a long time again, the ink once again sank into the bottom of the cup, and the water was clear again.
The old professor wrote another meaningful line on the blackboard:
"The premise is not to stir up that cup of water."
The marriage of middle age is like this, through the prosperity of feelings, the triviality of life and the small contradictions in getting along, it is precipitated in the cup of marriage like ink, and every obstacle is the "culprit" that stirs up this clear water, and it is a successful marriage.
After all, the Norwegian playwright Ibsen also said: "Marriage is a big test of life." ”
I saw a video two days ago:
There was a couple who used to love each other, but with the passage of time, the passion slowly receded, the feelings returned to flat, and the husband began to become indifferent.
He no longer pays attention to his wife's every move, no longer cares about the quality of his wife's emotions, and no longer expresses love for his wife, and even has "aesthetic fatigue" to his wife's face.
So he began to look for fresh feelings on the Internet, expecting a calm and watery life to make a ripple.
One day, when he was "hunting" on the Internet, he inadvertently saw an article in which the author poured out his disappointment in marriage and husband in sad language.
He was touched by the delicate writing and was distressed by the woman's encounter in marriage. However, under careful investigation, it was found that this article was actually written by his wife.
This reminds the husband of the many good things about his wife, which is shocking, not because the feelings are flat, but because he is too close to himself and is ignored.
Just as many people always feel that the most beautiful scenery is far away, in fact, the scenery around them is really a good season.
It's just that it's so close that it feels sparse and ordinary. The same is true of feelings, after entering the marriage, the companionship of day and night, let love enter the burnout period, so that the marriage has "three years of pain, five years of separation, seven years of itching."
However, Lin Yutang and his wife survived this hurdle safely.
On their golden wedding anniversary, witnessed by relatives and friends, Lin Yutang, who is in his seventies, gave his wife Liao Cuifeng a brooch with the word "Golden Jade Edge" and thanked her for making sacrifices for family happiness again and again in the past 50 years.
When asked about the secret of this half-century-long "golden jade edge", the two people unanimously said that there are only two words, "give" and "receive":
Care more about how much you give to each other, and less about how much you accept the other person.
However, when marriage meets middle age, most people prefer to define marriage as "old husband and wife" and "left hand holding right hand", but in fact, this is just an excuse for "laziness": too lazy to express, too lazy to act, too lazy to spend thought and time.
Such "laziness" will always make people feel that they do not love, and the hearts of the two people will become farther and farther apart, until they lose it, only to find that love has not disappeared, but is buried in an invisible place.
Blandness is true, but it does not mean inaction. Therefore, middle-aged marriages should stay away from "laziness" in order to cross the barrier of fading feelings.
There was a small investigation of the reasons for divorce on the Internet: from the braised meat plus what sugar to see your nature, from the number and time to go to the toilet to see whether you are considerate, from tearing toilet paper, cleaning to see whether you still care about each other and so on.
Even from washing vegetables to eating vegetables, every step is the trigger for divorce.
Looking at these ridiculous reasons, only those who have experienced it know that this is not a paragraph.
The marriage of middle-aged people is full of trivialities of life, and it is these trifles that "kill" marriage.
In the short film "Mute", such a marriage is played:
Women work during the day, take children at night, children sleep and a lot of housework waiting for her, as a novice mother, physical fatigue and psychological pressure make her very desperate, and even make her feel that she has postpartum depression.
Just as she was battling pots and pans and clutter, her husband returned. Unfortunately, her husband not only did not help her, but brought more trouble: the smell of smoke, littered shoes and dirty socks.
The woman's mood was even worse, but the husband did not feel anything, first lying on the sofa and brushing the video, and then overturning the breast milk that the woman had squeezed for the child.
Eventually, the woman's emotions exploded, but she was denounced by her husband as "sick"...
The writer Sanmao said: "If marriage cannot fall on small things such as eating and counting money, it cannot last long." ”
Although these trivialities in marriage, unconsciously, let the complaint occupy the main space of the marriage and squeeze love out of our sight, this is the essence of marriage.
The ancient Greek philosopher Plato also asked his teacher Socrates what marriage was, and Socrates asked him to walk through the fir forest once, not to turn back on the way, and to take one and only once to take the fir tree that he felt was the best.
Along the way down, Plato dragged a fir tree that looked straight but had shortcomings in its trunk, and said, "It is hard to see a good one, and the time and physical strength are not enough, whether it is the best or not." ”
Socrates said: "This is marriage, marriage is a kind of reason, the result of analysis and judgment, comprehensive balance." ”
Similarly, unlike the wind and snow of love, marriage also falls into life, averaging every day. It can be without passion, but there must be endurance.
Especially in middle age, the pressure of life is getting bigger and bigger, and how many people are trapped in the trivialities of life, blaming a place of chicken feathers in marriage. If you want to survive this obstacle safely and steadily, you must understand the word "degree" - to live with yourself.
As Tang Xuan said in the TV series "Holiday Warm Yangyang": "Don't just miss what home has given you, but think about what you have done for your home." ”
Lin Yutang said: "Marriage is to let two different people live the same life. ”
But in middle-aged marriages, it is always easy to misplace. In the recent hit TV series "Long Live Life", Zeng Zhiting and her husband Xing Yaoping are a misplaced couple.
At the beginning, for the sake of his wife's education and career, the husband gave up his future and became a taxi driver, not only taking care of the children, but also running before and after the husband.
At first, his wife Zeng Zhiting was grateful for this, but gradually, the gap between the two people became wider and wider, and the wife not only lacked a position in the family, but also became strong.
In the end, the husband was drunk and promiscuous in the "worship" of the female apprentice, and the two ended in divorce.
At the beginning of marriage, everyone is running in a good direction to make choices, but over time, in middle age, the results of each choice are expanded, the dislocation becomes larger, and empathy becomes distant.
The original intention of making the choice is forgotten, the other party's good intentions are taken for granted, and even the eyes are only on the unpleasant places of the other party.
Like a husband who always comes home late, he doesn't understand why his wife's cooking skills are getting worse and worse: the noodles in the bowl are lumpy, and the vegetables on the plate are sallow.
One day, he finally couldn't help asking:
"How do you cook, and whose greens are sallow?"
His wife's answer made him ashamed: "You came back so late, of course, you didn't know that they were also young." ”
Such misalignment abounds in life, the husband at work feels that he is very hard, the wife should be more considerate of herself, and the wife who is busy at home wants to get more attention from her husband.
At the beginning of marriage, passion can resist everything, but over time, the misalignment brought about by life choices will become more and more intense.
If you want to make the marriage "return" and cross this hurdle safely, you must see the other party's contribution to the family, accommodate the other party's slower pace than yourself, and tolerate the other party's temporary fatigue in the marriage.
People's life ups and downs, no one will always be smooth, two people in marriage, need to have a tolerant heart, who is fast and who is slow what is tight, the important thing is that both people are going forward, going in one direction.
You know, a good marriage is not staring at each other, but two people looking in the same direction.
In "Meet Happiness", Si Wenqu said: "Marriage depends on courage, and maintaining marriage depends on wisdom." ”
When people reach middle age, when marriage comes to kanbian, add some wisdom to love, cross the past, and the rest of the days are sweet.
Because we in marriage are the sharers of each other's destiny, moving forward hand in hand is happiness.
Even if it is tightly entangled by the trivialities of life and disturbed by different steps of progress, there is a heart of tolerance and understanding, which supports the other party with a blue sky and white clouds, and also paves a healthy road for marriage.
The author | Ask a shallow smile, invite the author at ten o'clock
The anchor | Liang Shuang, senior program host, public number: Liang Shuang FM
Pictures | Visual China