Every word and deed of parents is to set an example for their children; every detail of family education is actually not a subsection.
- Le Dad
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Source | Internet
Li Ka-shing, a famous Hong Kong industrialist, once said:
"No matter how successful a person's career is, it cannot make up for the shortcomings of failing to educate his children."
The process of educating children is irreversible.
When we miss the best period of education for our children, we miss it.
Even later, when we spend a hundred times more energy, it is irretrievable.
What kind of person a child will become in the future often depends on the parents' perceptions, actions and habits of education at an early age.
When the child is young, if the parents have good parenting habits, they can unconsciously cultivate excellent children.
The bad habits of parents will make children constantly deviate from the original track, and even ruin their children's lives.
Failed parents, mostly have these 4 bad habits, have you won?
Easy to get emotional
There is a question on Zhihu: "What is it like to have a failed parent?" ”
Netizens used their own history of blood and tears to "accuse" their parents:
"I don't know how to encourage, I only know scolding, I don't have a good guide's journey, I have taken a lot of detours."
"They always used lessons, insults, and satire to educate me, which made me feel particularly inferior and now I am fighting depression."
"They always blame me for the unsatisfactory responsibility of their lives, making me feel like I'm living a lot of excess."
……
Parents are emotionally unstable and are the number one killers who destroy their children.
I once saw a news:
The child did not complete the homework during the winter vacation, and the teacher did not send out a new book.
When the father knew this, he was furious, so he took the kitchen knife and scratched the grandmother out of control, and even cut the child's leg.
Thinking about it carefully, the child was cut by his father with a knife because he did not complete his homework, and such a child should be insecure in life.
Although in our lives, most people will not be as extreme as this dad.
But do we often have times when our emotions are out of control?
For example, when teaching homework, many parents can roar for two hours.
Educator Yin Jianli once said
"The three points you throw at your child will cause seven points of harm to your child."
Children grow up under the emotional violence of their parents, which will cause them to have a lifelong character defect and then a series of psychological diseases.
Such children, as if they have a black hole in their hearts, constantly suck away their sense of self-esteem and self-love, as well as happiness and happiness.
Parents are emotionally stable, and taking good care of their children to grow up is the greatest blessing for children.
No one is perfect, and we will inevitably have times when our emotions are out of control.
When educating children, we need to use empathy.
This is conducive to having good emotions when facing our children.
Secondly, parents must also know how to accept their emotions, find a reasonable way to vent, and never aim the muzzle of the gun at the child.
Not good to spend time with children
We often say that companionship is the longest confession of affection.
High-quality companionship is the best love for children.
And many of us parents, children are playing with blocks, they are brushing their mobile phones on the side.
This kind of low-quality companionship of parents will make the child feel unappreciated and self-doubting, and it is better not to accompany him.
Someone once said that the so-called "high-quality accompaniment":
"It's the parents who participate in the child's game, and there is interaction throughout the process.
The most important thing is to have eye contact, language, and emotional communication, so that children feel love. ”
And how many parent-child relationships are gradually drifting apart because of the parents' lack of careful companionship.
And finally it became what one writer put it:
"How many parents and children are in the same room but have nothing to say, they love each other deeply but do not know each other.
They yearn for contact but can't find a bridge, and they want to express but no language. ”
Children, if they are not accompanied by their hearts for a long time, they are prone to develop a lonely and inferior personality, and there is an indescribable gap with their parents.
I once watched a variety show and was instantly fanned by the parents of the postdoctoral fellows at MIT.
In remote villages, many parents go out to work, and children become left-behind children.
And the parents of this postdoc, they are willing to keep poor, just for companionship.
Although their education level is not high, their awareness of education is very high.
With encouragement and love, they walk through the time of growing up with their children:
Fathers will tell stories to their sons before going to bed;
Every night, a family of four sits around the table, holding books and reading, creating a good learning atmosphere for children.
The careful companionship of the parents finally cultivated the two sons to be excellent.
Studies have shown that the companionship of parents will make children rich and strong inside.
Such a child, keen to participate in various activities, has a lively and healthy mentality.
Even if they do not grow up to the heights expected by their parents, they can have good qualities to adapt to society.
If you say, children are the most beautiful gifts from God to their parents.
Then, attentive companionship is the most precious gift that parents give to their children.
Doesn't listen to children
Not long ago, there was a sad news:
A 15-year-old girl in Sichuan died from the 25th floor.
What is even more sad is that the father who tried to catch his daughter downstairs was injured by the daughter who fell downstairs, and unfortunately left after the rescue was ineffective.
The girl's brother said:
Before the girl died, she was reluctant to communicate with the elders in the family.
What the hell did this girl go through? She would rather swallow her grievances into her stomach than tell her parents what was on her mind.
Probably, her parents didn't like to listen to her.
Positive Discipline says:
"Parents who are unwilling to listen and understand their children may eventually lose the opportunity to listen, and in the end the child will not be willing to say anything to their parents." There is a mother next to me who once shared:
As soon as her children start kindergarten, they become reluctant to share school things with her.
She was worried, and estimated that by puberty, she would not be able to hear anything about what was happening to her child.
But later, this state of affairs changed because of a small thing.
At one point, her voice was hoarse and she couldn't speak.
Whatever the child says, she listens to.
After a week, she noticed that the child was talking to her more and more often.
She had an epiphany, not that the child was reluctant to speak, but that the parents were not good at listening and understanding the child.
Often, as soon as the child opens his mouth and tells something, he is choked back by the various big truths put forward by his parents.
Parents who do not listen to their children and do not give them the opportunity to express themselves will never be able to enter their children's hearts.
When a child expresses something to us, he or she doesn't always want to ask for our help.
Children are nothing more than thinking that their own feelings can be accepted and understood by their parents.
As parents, we must enter the hearts of our children and know how to listen patiently.
We only need to understand the child's emotions, express them kindly, and encourage them at the right time;
Naturally, you will gain an intimate parent-child relationship.
I love to compare children
I know that there was a question on the top: "Parents always like to compare me with others, how can they not be like this?" ”
This question has aroused heated discussion among many netizens.
Behind it, it reflects that parents, in addition to being more enthusiastic than others than children than houses, cars, and lovers.
In our lives, many parents have said things like this:
"You see that other people's children are learning so well, why can't you?"
"You see that other people's children can suffer so much, why can't you?"
What happens to parents if they always compare their children to others?
"I'm nothing like everyone else, so I don't deserve better."
"I made my parents sad, I was guilty."
"I didn't live up to my parents' expectations, and I owe them."
The writer Liu Yong once said:
"Those children who live in the shadow of being compared to their parents do not feel the respect of their parents for themselves, and they do not feel the affirmation and appreciation of their parents.
Their hearts are like a barren and desolate land, lacking the vitality and vitality that originally belonged to a child. ”
Deeply believed, not comparing your own children with others is the best practice for parents.
Every child is a unique being, he cannot be perfect, nor is he useless.
As parents, we should play this role:
Not like a judge, condescending to comment on the child's merits and weaknesses;
Instead, like a gardener, carefully guard and wait for the child's flowering period.
As parents, we raise our children in order to participate in the growth of a life.
Every child's reunion with their parents in the world is the most beautiful and profound source.
Every child is a unique individual.
As parents, we must have a good attitude and be emotionally peaceful;
Spend more time with your children, listen patiently to their voices, and encourage them to be themselves.
Children raised in this way, they will be able to continue to grow in the love and companionship of their parents, and create their own life.
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