In a word, it can achieve a child's life, and it may also ruin the child's life.
Controlling your own mouth and not revealing the child's shortness is the greatest cultivation of parents.
- Mother Deer
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Author | Wheat wheat
Source | Daughter Pie Original (ID: nverpai)
A few days ago, a video of "the son crying and begging his father not to count himself at the school gate" triggered heated discussion among netizens.
Because he was counted down by his father at the school gate before, after his classmates heard it, they laughed at him in the class, leaving a shadow in his son's heart.
This time, the father wanted to send him to school again, but the son refused to live or die.
After the argument, the son cried urgently: "You exposed me short in front of my classmates, which made me very faceless." If I were at your place of work and said you were drinking until you threw up, wouldn't you feel ashamed too? ”
The son's torture from the soul made the father gagged for a while.
Netizens watched the video and left messages:
"Once, when I was counting down to an exam, my mother showed the exam paper to my relatives, and the mocking look made me feel self-conscious."
"Parents always feel that their children are small and can't remember how to talk about them, but in fact, they say in public that I am stupid and that it hurts me more than beating me."
Bi Shumin once said: "The growth of a child is first of all to confirm his own existence from the pupils of his parents. ”
If even the most trusted parents open their mouths and close their mouths to expose their children's shortcomings, then the children will not be able to feel respected from their parents' education.
Without respect, all education equals zero.
It hurts more than scolding
It's the humiliation of having nowhere to run
Some time ago, I was heartbroken to see the picture of a mother "educating" her daughter.
The 6-year-old girl originally had a lot of fun in the playground, but her mother kept reminding the child that the time was over and let her daughter play quickly.
In order to play for a while, the child had to hold back the urine, and before leaving, he accidentally wet a large piece of the princess dress in the dress, and the children around her began to laugh at her.
The mother looked at her daughter who was embarrassed, and when she didn't get angry, she directly slapped her and scolded: "How old are you, you still pee your pants, you lose the dead, throw you here to pay." ”
Originally peeing her pants in public was discovered, the girl's face had swollen red, and her mother yelled again, she was so frightened that she didn't dare to cry out with tears.
It was not until the crowd discouraged and the playground gave up on compensation that the mother calmed down her anger.
Finally, the little girl with red eyes, with her head down, rushed straight out of the playground.
Cartoonist Jimmy once said: "A child would rather be stabbed by a cactus than hear an adult sneer at him in public." ”
In full view of everyone, the child accidentally made a mistake is already very flustered and helpless, if the parents do not have comfort at this time, but also hit the humiliation of the child, it will only make the child more ashamed and indignant, and even fall into a collapse.
I once watched a news story, and my heart was full of mixed feelings.
A little boy, because he was naughty at school, did not write homework seriously, which made his mother very annoyed.
On the bus home, the mother watched her indisputable son bump into herself, scolded angrily, and even stripped her son of clothes in public, and threw her son who only had underwear and socks on the car.
The laughter of the onlookers and the actions of the crowd shooting with mobile phones made the little boy overwhelmed, and finally the driver could only turn to the police for help.
Every child starts with self-awareness, slowly has a sense of self-esteem, and in the process of growing up, they are extremely eager to gain the recognition and respect of others.
And stripping a child naked for public display is tantamount to Ling Chi.
When children make mistakes, many parents will think that public education can make children remember lessons and help their children grow.
But in fact, the former godson lets children be ugly in public, which will only bring shame, anger, and scars that will be difficult to heal for a lifetime.
Parents' attacks on their children's self-esteem hurt more than hitting and scolding.
Children who have not been respected by their parents
It's not good to live this life
Someone asked: "What is it like to be insulted in public by your parents when you were a child?" ”
There is a high praise reply poke in the soft ribs of countless netizens:
"A word from my parents can make me feel inferior for 30 years;
Although he grew up, he still couldn't lift his head in his bones. ”
Netizen Xiaowen, when she was a child, was particularly introverted, but her mother was strong in nature, relatives and friends gathered for dinner, and always liked to use her to earn face.
Watching other children show eighteen martial arts, Xiaowen was often afraid of the stage, and her mother was very angry.
On the year of her 10th birthday, under the coaxing of relatives and friends, my mother forced Xiaowen to sing on stage.
Xiao Wen, who was the stage, looked at a group of people who were pressed by the black pressure, extremely frightened in his heart, confused, standing on the stage at a loss, causing a burst of laughter.
Mom looked at the twisted and pinched Xiaowen and scolded angrily: "Look at you like that, shame on people, what can you do when you grow up?" ”
Those counted pictures and the laughter of the crowd became the lingering nightmares of Xiaowen's growth.
After work, Xiao Wenming's business ability is good, but every time she gets an important report, she can't sleep for a few days of anxiety, and finally she plays very poorly and misses several promotion opportunities.
Obviously, he graduated from a key university, but Xiaowen lived with inferiority and cowardice, and did not dare to express himself when he met a boy he liked, and he was depressed every day.
Parents disregard the face of their children, crush the dignity of their children, and leave their children with a lot of holes.
This kind of harm may permeate a person's entire life.
American psychologist James Dubson once said: "There are thousands of ways to make children lose their self-esteem, but rebuilding self-esteem for children is a slow and difficult process." ”
A child with collapsed self-esteem can easily go to extremes.
I once watched a scene in a TV series in which "my daughter was insulted and jumped off the building by her mother in public", and I could not calm down for a long time.
At the parent-teacher meeting, the mother saw that her daughter in the third year of high school failed the grades, and in front of the children in the class, she counted down one by one.
"Your grades have fallen, are you worthy of us?"
On this achievement, so stupid, it is good to go out and sneak, you don't have a face..."
The daughter begged her mother to make a small noise in front of her classmates, but she did not expect that her mother would speak louder and louder.
Even if the daughter used "jumping off the building" to beg her mother to come home, her mother was still indifferent.
Finally, the daughter felt helpless, rushed out of the classroom, and jumped down, leaving her mother's wailing of pain.
I once heard a sentence:
"Criticism and scolding without measure will destroy children's self-defenses, make them fall into denial and doubt, and thus lose the value of life."
When a child is bent over by the words of his parents and loses his dignity, he no longer has the courage to look up.
Every child with impaired self-esteem has difficulty living this life.
Don't let your ignorance ruin your child's happiness for a lifetime.
Good parents know how to maintain their children's self-esteem
Educator Chen Zihong once said:
"Adults always take it for granted that children do not yet have the cognitive ability to be ashamed, so they will not feel faceless."
In fact, every child has shame from an early age.
The writer Sanmao once told the story of stealing money when she was a child, because she wanted to buy snacks, she secretly took 5 yuan from the family.
After stealing the money, she was afraid of being discovered, and she was not guarded all day, and then she could not bear the torment, she still returned the money.
Sanmao's behavior has long been seen through by her father, but her father did not expose it to her face, but gave her some pocket money and bought a box of candy.
When Sanmao recalled this past, in addition to shame, it was more of gratitude.
Every child will make mistakes, instead of using scolding to make children force a long memory, it is better to be more patient, give children a little time to grow, and children will learn to introspect in the love and guidance of their parents.
The starting point of all education begins with parents taking good care of their children's most cherished self-esteem.
"Protecting the son" in front of people is the greatest tenderness of parents
The protagonist Yu Huanshui in the TV series "I Am Yu Huanshui" was called to school by the teacher to lecture because his son Yu Chen fought.
In front of Yu Huanshui, the teacher did not ask the reason, and vigorously accused Yu Chen.
Yu Huanshui chose to trust his son, did not scold his son in public, but encouraged the child to say the reason, and finally found that the child was a hand that was moved because of uneven hugging.
Dad's "short protection" gave Yu Chen great courage and made him dare to admit his mistakes.
Protect your child's self-esteem, give your child a little more face, and your child will become stronger because of your respect.
Not pouring salt on children's "troubles" is the minimum respect
Many times, after the child makes a mistake, Ben already feels very ashamed, and then the parents scold him again, which is undoubtedly to throw salt on the child's wound.
Wise parents will first calm their children's emotions and then guide their children to find the reasons for their mistakes.
On Douyin, it is very heartwarming to see a video of a conversation between a father and a four-year-old daughter.
Carrying a bag of wet clothes after school, the daughter walked down to her father and said embarrassedly, "Dad, I wet my pants today." ”
Unexpectedly, my father did not scold, but instead smiled and said, "Then what pattern are you drawing on your pants today?" ”
The daughter was suddenly amused and said, "Today I may have drawn a little rabbit." ”
Dad then said, "If it rains, the baby should stop drawing on his pants, otherwise it will be difficult to dry." ”
The daughter giggled and thought of a few ways not to pee her pants: I can't hold back when I go to the toilet, I drink less water before playing games...
After listening, the father gave his daughter a big thumbs up.
What was originally unpleasant was easily resolved in Dad's humor.
I once heard a saying: "Children make mistakes, protection of self-esteem comes first, punishment education comes later." ”
The best way to love children is to give children "face" and let them have a positive and optimistic attitude throughout their lives.
The child's mind is sensitive and fragile, and the words and deeds of the parents intentionally or unintentionally affect the child's physical and mental development at all times.
Adults care about face, children are the same, no matter how young the child is, please save some face for him.
A child whose self-esteem is pampered can live confidently; a confident child has the strength and courage to face the future wind and rain alone.
Good parents with zippers on their mouths.
Controlling your own mouth and not revealing your child's shortcomings is the greatest cultivation of parenthood.
*This article is original to the Daughter Pie. My family has daughters, and there are women who do everything. A parenting platform that millions of parents follow. *Some of the pictures in this article are from Figureworm Creative.