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What obstacles have you encountered in developing and adhering to good habits? It was full of ambition at the beginning, and after less than a month or even a week, it returned to the original form and left the target and flag behind, what should I do? Is it that after insisting on it for a period of time, after not achieving the effect you expect for a long time, you get bored and simply give up? Are all kinds of uncontrollable factors happening, causing the persistence to be interrupted, simply self-abandonment, and completely shelved? These are arguably the norm for most people. How to cultivate and adhere to good habits has become the need of most people. I hope today's article can make you gain something~
Monday
point of view
The full text totals 4586 words and takes 12 minutes to read
At the beginning of the new year, it is time to set new goals and establish new flags. Looking back at 2021, did your flag at the beginning of the year come true? What good habits have you adhered to? If you are "punched in the face", there is no need to blame yourself, here is a strategy, waiting for you to check. With it, I believe that it will no longer be difficult to cultivate and adhere to good habits in 2022, and daily persistence will lead us closer to the goal. Similarly, this strategy is also suitable for cultivating children's good habits, making it easier for children to stick to good habits.
What obstacles have you encountered in developing and adhering to good habits? It was full of ambition at the beginning, and after less than a month or even a week, it returned to the original form and left the target and flag behind, what should I do? Is it that after insisting on it for a period of time, after not achieving the effect you expect for a long time, you get bored and simply give up? Are all kinds of uncontrollable factors happening, causing the persistence to be interrupted, simply self-abandonment, and completely shelved?
These are arguably the norm for most people. How to cultivate and adhere to good habits has become the need of most people. There is a need, and naturally there is research. James Clear spent years researching the science of habits. His long-term attention, practice, research and sharing of habit cultivation has made him a master of habit cultivation. In His book Mastering Habits, he describes and shares the best strategies for developing habits.
Let's see how we can learn to use the "Control Habits" strategy to break through the common obstacles of cultivating habits one by one.
Habits based on identity last
How to break the "three-minute heat" cycle? You need to connect habit formation to identity.
One such example is given in Mastering Habits. Imagine two people refusing to smoke. When someone let the cigarette go, A said, "No thanks." I'm quitting smoking. B refused: "No, thank you." I don't smoke anymore. "This response is slightly different, but it indicates a shift in the person's identity... They no longer consider themselves smokers.
"You have the power to change your beliefs about yourself. Your identity is not set in stone. You can make choices every moment. "Every action you take is a vote for the person you want to be." ("Controlling Habits")
For example, weight loss and slimming can be said to be one of the flags that many people "punch in the face" year after year. We need to realize that behind the formation of habits, it is closely related to our own identity. This identity is not a social or work label, but a recognition of the self.
For example, we often say that "I am losing weight", and the cognition behind it is that I feel that I am a little fat or have not reached the standard of my inner desired body, in a sense, I do not accept my current body. With a sense of identity, we will still practice "keeping our mouths shut and opening our legs", but we can think, "I am a person who pursues a healthy and balanced diet and loves sports, and I want to maintain an elegant and light posture." I believe that under this beautiful belief and pursuit, at the cognitive level, slimming is no longer an act of not accepting the need to make changes to the current self, but a way of life that is independently chosen after identifying with the identity of the self.
It is equally important to develop good habits in children based on identity. Behind every identity is the belief and persistence of certain qualities.
Children, no matter how big or small, often have a favorite idol in their hearts. For example, children like to watch "Wang Wang Team Makes Great Achievements", parents can strengthen the quality of children's favorite characters according to the animation characters that children like, and when cultivating children's habits. For example, children like to work on small forces, and small forces in cartoons often become wise in a hurry and resolve crises in an emergency. When children encounter some small obstacles in life or games, they can encourage children to learn like small forces, start their small brains, and try to think of more ways on their own.
In the movie "Galaxy Tuition Class", the son Ma Fei was besieged by the flood, the rescue was in trouble, the father Ma Haowen did not give up, has been shouting with the horn, telling the son: Find a way, you will be able to come out. Because of his father's belief and encouragement, Ma Fei completed self-help.
(Screenshot of the movie "Galaxy Tuition Class")
Because of the importance of identity, we will not easily deny and belittle children, but through positive affirmation and encouragement, let him look up to the people he wants to be, act like the people he wants to be, live, establish good habits, and develop good qualities.
Similarly, we pay more attention to the impression of ourselves and our family members in the minds of our children, because we, especially children, absorb the qualities and behaviors of those around us.
I saw a suggestion and thought it was very much. It is recommended that in family education, special attention should be paid to telling children about the shining characters or dazzling deeds in family history. In this way, in a sense, it is also through family pride that the identity of the child is established.
And, "When it comes to your pride, you do your best to keep your habits." ”
The greatest threat to success is not failure, but burnout
How to adhere to good habits when you have not yet seen significant results? You need to know that the result feedback you are used to tends to lag behind, and be patient with breakout moments. When the goal appears ambitious and distant, it can be split by the goal, creating more instant moments of gratification.
Let's start with a set of data that goes something like this: If you improve by 1% every day for a year, you'll improve 37 times by the time you're done. Conversely, if you regress at a rate of 1% every day of the year, anything you have in place will drop to almost zero. A small victory or a small setback can add up to something more. Habit is the compound interest of self-improvement. ("Controlling Habits")
(Image from the Internet)
Our daily behavior, good or bad, it is difficult to say that there is a precise measure, but only your own heart is clear, do the same thing, today you are not more dedicated than yesterday, have not tried to improve a little, or in the repeated practice has not become a little more skilled, on the contrary, if we are a little lax today, perfunctory, a day may not be able to see, after the superposition, the standards and habits of doing things will be greatly reduced, resulting in failure or loss of opportunity.
I saw an impressive passage, "Whenever I feel powerless, I go to see the stonemason chiseling the stone, maybe he chiseled 100 times, but there is no sign of cracks in the stone." However, by the time he chiseled it to the 101st time, the stone had broken in half. I knew it wasn't the result of the last chisel, but the result of successive chisels before. ”
We often focus on the moment of success, but selectively ignore the accumulation and accumulation process behind success. We are anxious to see results, but often choose to give up on the eve of lagging results or success. "In the early and mid-stages of any exploration, there is usually a subliminal trough."
Mastering a skill requires enough patience. You may wish to forget the urgent expectation of the results, firmly practice good habits, in every link with heart, try your best, and believe that good results will eventually come on the road.
"The greatest threat to success is not failure, but burnout."
How to avoid burnout? We can use visual metrics, such as practicing logs and developing good habits. Help children learn to split goals, split the big goals into component stage goals, refine to a small move that can be practiced every day and today, after a period of time, take the child to do regular reviews, so that he can see his own stage changes and progress, so that he has more confidence in long-term practice.
Through environmental design, let habit formation do more with less
How to practice good habits in the midst of various uncertainties? You need to understand that behind the habit of developing habits, it is often the brain's cues and reward mechanisms at work.
"Prompts trigger your brain to initiate a certain behavior. Rewards teach us which behaviors are worth remembering and applying to the future. ("Controlling Habits")
A person can persevere, and we often attribute it to personal willpower. However, willpower and self-control, the difference between different individuals is not so large. How to reduce the loss of willpower in persistence should become our pursuit goal. One of the most effective and feasible strategies around this goal is to design the environment. The overall purpose is to give the program a good habit to develop, to provide as many tips as possible in the environment, to make it as easy as possible, to increase the attractiveness of practicing it, to make it enjoyable.
For example, many mothers hope to cultivate their children to fall in love with reading, instead of chanting "to read more" in their children's ears every day, it is better to silently set up as many bookshelves as possible in the home room, take their children to visit bookstores often, buy some books that he likes and is interested in, and put books in the same space as his toys and beloved things. In the place where reading is likely to be carried out in the room, set up a lamp or table lamp that is suitable for reading and easy to switch, and set up a switch that is easy for the child to control. All in all, create a space where you can see books anytime and anywhere, design lighting conditions that can read anytime and anywhere, and believe that the possibility of children falling in love with reading will be greatly improved, and it will be more effective with half the effort.
(Screenshot from the movie Harry Potter)
A friend, who is a practitioner of education for many years and a mother of three children, has shared a point of view on English learning: the younger the child, such as preschool, you only need to provide and create an environment, and the child can easily learn English through immersion, without the child's personal effort. The older the age, the more self-control and subjective effort the learner is required to master.
In the same way, if before the child touches the screen, you create, design the environment, and accompany parent-child reading, let the child experience the joy of reading, fall in love with reading, and it will become easier for the child to develop long-term love reading habits. But if the child has not yet experienced the joy of reading, you try to save your mind, let the young children watch TV, play iPad, compared to books, the sound and light stimulation screen is obviously more tempting for the child. When the child is older, the parents complain that the child does not like to read, trying to cultivate the child to love reading, the effort needs more.
So create an environment where you and your children can develop and stick to good habits.
How do you start and stick to good habits in your daily routine?
With the direction of good habit cultivation based on identity, the determination to practice good habits, and the awareness of environmental design, how to make the cultivation and persistence of good habits easy in daily life? Check out 6 ready-to-learn Tips.
Habits are formed based on frequency rather than duration. One of the most critical steps in developing a new habit is to repeat it over and over again, increasing the frequency of practice.
Two-minute rule. The start of any new habit can be reduced to a two-minute version of the simple practice requirements: "reading every night before bed" becomes "reading a page", "tidying up" becomes "folding a pair of socks", and so on. Making the beginning of a habit easy is the secret to sticking to and increasing the frequency of behavior.
Put what you want to do in a specific plan. For example, exercise, no longer stay in "I think", but clear when and where to exercise, and even practice immediately according to the "two-minute rule", such as choosing to get off one stop in advance when going to work and walking to the company
Connect difficult habits with positive inner experiences. Learn to think about it, try to change the words of some of the things you "have" to do, and turn them into "wanting" to do those things. For example, I "have" to prepare breakfast for my family, and I "want" to prepare breakfast for my family. Don't lose sight of the magic of language, "Just change the word and you can change the way you look at each event." ”
Join a common hobby organization or community. Find a positive environment for communication and sharing where people have similar goals and exercises, and will push and empower each other. When you have made progress or a breakthrough, you can also be seen, encouraged and affirmed, and a group of people go further.
Start at any time and stick with it at any time. At the yoga conference, a yoga teacher said that in the 20 years she has been practicing yoga, she found that the long-term perseverance may not be the enthusiastic, fierce practice at the beginning, the pursuit of various difficult movements, many of them gave up practicing after a period of time, and then never touched yoga again. Yoga practitioners who have really adhered to it for more than a few years may be those who will have feelings of fear of difficulties, and even have intermittent practice periods, but they can pick up and start at any time. Therefore, when cultivating and adhering to good habits, we must learn not to be harsh on ourselves and move forward in twists and turns, rather than to give up completely.
Margaret Thatcher once said, "Pay attention to your thoughts, because it determines your words and actions." Pay attention to your words and actions, as it dominates your actions. Pay attention to your behavior, because it can become your habit. Pay attention to your habits because it shapes your character. Pay attention to your character, because it can determine your destiny. ”
If you think of a long persistence, you feel so difficult, you may wish to relax, think of practicing today. Day-to-day "today" shapes our future. Today's behavior, through day-to-day practice, becomes a habit and will eventually determine our future and destiny.
Author | Morning Xi Ma
Parenting is raising oneself and becoming a fan of children.
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