Author: Creative Group Shinoda
On January 1 this year, the Law of the People's Republic of China on the Promotion of Family Education came into force. Have you heard the news?
This is the first time that the mainland has carried out special legislation on family education, which means that family education has risen from "family affairs" to "state affairs".
From now on, the era of parents "bringing babies according to law" has officially opened the curtain.
As the old saying goes, "The Son does not teach, but the Father is at fault." ”
In fact, whether the child is good or not, you will know everything by looking at his tutor.
What parents do will have a direct impact on who their children become in the future.
This time, the state has specifically incorporated family education into the law, which has clearly released such a message - the family is always the child's first classroom, and the parents are always the child's first teacher. The important position of family education is self-evident.
Under the new policy, new requirements and challenges have also been put forward for parents. In 2022, please remember not to do any of the following behaviors anyway!
There is no respect for the godson in front of the people
The Family Education Promotion Law stipulates that adults should "respect the personal dignity of minors, protect minors' privacy and personal information, and protect the lawful rights and interests of minors." ”
Any violence or wanton insult to a child in the name of education has actually violated the latest law.
Not long ago, on line 7 of the Beijing subway, a jaw-dropping scene occurred. A seven- or eight-year-old boy was so badly pinched in the face by his mother because he made a mistake, and was even forced to kneel in public, kneeling for almost a foot.
When discouraged, the mother replied with a straight face: "I said my child, I want (him) to do whatever I want." ”
In the eyes of many parents, such a pre-godson's education method is very efficient. By scolding and criticizing in front of everyone, the child will be ashamed and courageous, thus making it more memorable.
As everyone knows, this kind of behavior will bring great harm to the child's body and mind; and wise parents always know how to protect their children's self-esteem to the greatest extent.
In the article "My Mother", Hu Shi, a master of traditional Chinese studies, recorded his mother's discipline of him. He wrote: "She was a loving mother and a strict father. But she never scolded me or hit me in front of others. I did something wrong, she just looked at me, and I saw her stern eyes and was frightened. She waited until the next morning when I woke up to teach me a lesson. She waited until the evening when people were quiet, closed the door, first blamed me, and then punished... She did not teach her son to use this as a way to make others listen. ”
A truly good education always begins with respect, faithfulness to understanding, and love.
Only from the perspective of children and observing their feelings can we better stimulate children's self-examination and self-love, and truly speak the truth into their hearts.
Only grades are asked, disregard for mental health
The Family Education Promotion Law mentions: "Pay attention to the mental health of minors, teach them to cherish life, and educate them on safety knowledge in traffic travel, healthy Internet access and bullying prevention, drowning prevention, fraud prevention, abduction prevention, sexual assault prevention, etc., to help them master safety knowledge and skills, and enhance their awareness and ability to protect themselves." Among them, it is particularly necessary to pay attention to the mental health of children.
There's a post on Zhihu - "What's it like to have a parent who only looks at grades?"
The subject's results are actually very good, and the results of the middle school examination are the top few in the district key middle schools, but they still do not satisfy his father.
He once asked his father, "Dad, can you care about my inner world?" But the father sneered: "Where the child has the inner world, it is enough to read your book." ”
No matter what the subject does, my father is not accustomed to it, and has always pulled the problem to the grade, saying that he is not enterprising and modest... In his father's eyes, he was worthless, as if he should not have lived in this world at all.
This kind of pressure made him depressed and uncomfortable for many years, and he had a feeling of being breathless.
In fact, the subject's experience is not unique.
According to the "2020 National Compulsory Education Quality Monitoring - Moral Education Status Monitoring Result Report" released by the Basic Education Quality Monitoring Center of the Ministry of Education, nearly 80% of primary and secondary school students believe that parents are most concerned about their own learning.
However, a truly excellent child is inseparable from a "big heart" that is indomitable. The only price for parents to ask and ignore their children's mental health is to raise "hollow" children.
As Professor Xu Kaiwen, an associate professor of psychology at Peking University, said, those teenagers with hollow heart disease may grow up smoothly, but they "lack the values that support their sense of meaning and existence", and always "have a strong sense of loneliness and emptiness, can't find the meaning of life, don't know why to live."
Such a child, even if the surface is bright and beautiful, the heart is actually full of holes. When they really encounter setbacks and tribulations, they will be vulnerable.
Therefore, as parents, what we really have to do is to let go of the obsession with scores and rankings and pay more attention to the psychological state of children.
Too doting and indulgent
The Family Education Promotion Law also points out that parents should "be strict and kind to each other, and attach equal importance to care and love and strict requirements." ”
Indeed, parents love their children, which in no way means coddling without principles and bottom lines.
Obedience and blind connivance will only harm the child in the end.
Some time ago, the encounter of a Chinese scholar tyrant triggered a heated discussion among the public.
He graduated from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology in the United States, and is supposed to be a promising and proud son. But what he didn't expect was that he stayed at home for three full years after graduation, relying on the help of his parents. Since last July, he has posted 35 messages on the Internet attacking his parents, fiercely accusing them of protecting themselves so well that they have become the mom and baby man who has no job and can only chew on the old man at home today.
He wrote: "My parents used money to create a world for me, protecting me from harm in many ways and not even allowing me to do housework. I was spoiled, and in retrospect, it didn't do me much good. ”
The experience of this school bully reminds people of a wise quote by Rousseau: "Do you know what methods you can use to make your children unhappy people?" This method is to be obedient to him. ”
Habit is like killing a child, and coddling is hurt. Studies have found that doting families tend to be more likely to raise problem children.
A questionnaire survey by the Social Survey Center of China Youth Daily showed that "in response to the endless phenomenon of bear children, up to 69.5% of respondents attributed it to their parents' unprincipled indulgence and coddling."
In fact, true love for children is always with a little fierceness. Don't compromise when it's time to set the rules, don't back down when you stick to the bottom line, and don't be soft when you should let go.
In this way, our children can grow into people who conform to the development of the times.
Professor Li Meijin once said: "Children's problems are often the problems of adults, and behind each abnormal behavior, it must be related to the parents' education methods." ”
The promulgation of the Family Education Promotion Law provides a good opportunity for parents to re-examine their own education methods and discover the improprieties in a timely manner.
It seems that "parenting" is the easiest profession in the world, it has no threshold, almost everyone can be;
But in fact, this is precisely the most difficult profession in the world, because everything we do will be related to the direction of another life.
Author: Xiao Tian . New Oriental Family Education (ID: xdfjtjy) transmits the concept of professional family education, provides family education information at home and abroad, and shares absorbable and operable methods and suggestions. Make continuous learning a habit for families.