On January 1, 2022, the Law of the People's Republic of China on the Promotion of Family Education came into effect, which is the first time that the mainland has carried out special legislation on family education. That is to say, from now on, Chinese parents have entered the era of bringing babies according to law.
According to the law, how to bring a baby?
The most mentioned is "parents teach by example", which means that parents must set a good example for their children.
However, many parents are vague about the concept of "teaching by example", and many parents ask such questions when their children are rebellious, do not understand politeness, and lack of concentration:
Usually, no one in the family taught him this!
Is it true that "no one teaches"?
Today, we will go through 3 real cases to personally feel the "teaching by example".
Case 1
"I didn't teach her that."
A mother found that her daughter who was in high school was particularly "squeamish", shouting tired after half an hour of study, and playing the piano for 15 minutes of basic skills did not want to play.
I reminded this mother to reflect on whether she herself was weaker and often let others take care of her.
She replied:
"Yes, yes, I felt that when I was a child, my parents should take care of me, and my husband took good care of me when I got married."
The mother paused and wondered:
"I never taught my daughter this."
In fact, there is no need to teach at all, squeamishness is actually an unconscious act, just like drinking water, as natural, why?
Because this girl's family is very spoiled by her, her father loves her mother, and her grandparents and grandparents take turns to make food for her, afraid that the child's nutrition will not keep up with school.
In addition, this mother is also living a happy and happy family life, the husband knows to take on the due educational responsibilities, and the day under the heavens, this mother has not cooked after marriage, it is the husband who has done her hot food, she and her daughter are like sisters, usually shopping together.
For more than ten years, this mother has been a "little princess" role at home, and the daughter has unconsciously imitated it.
How to fix it
For girls, there is nothing to be squeamish at home, in fact, it shows that the family has love, but there is a degree of parents still have to grasp it.
At home, parents are good to their children, but children must learn to be strong, especially girls, often help children, children will form an inert psychology, will have a lot of dependence on you, you can wait for him to help her when he needs, pass on your experience to him, help children grow.
Mothers can tell girls to start with small things, such as playing the piano for 15 minutes today, adding 5 minutes the day after tomorrow, and telling children to "take responsibility for their own lives."
Case 2
A little girl who loves to dress up
The daughter has just started kindergarten, but pays special attention to her own image.
When adults accidentally touch her hair when they hold her, she will cry and think that her hair has been messed up;
Performing in kindergarten, she thought that her makeup was spent, she would stop performing, stand on the stage and cry.
Her mother was very upset, "How young the child is, she began to care about these things, the reaction is so big that it is not good, I told her that the makeup did not take her and she did not believe it."
Without too much deep chat, just look at the appearance, I know that this mother pays great attention to her own image, the hair is black and straight, the maintenance is smooth and neat, the makeup is meticulous, even the bangs are specially and carefully taken care of, the clothes on the body are also very exquisite, every time I see her she will match different jewelry according to the day's wear.
Of course, she wouldn't teach these things to her children too early, but it was enough for the children to watch their mothers dress up in front of the dressing mirror and dresser every day.
Mothers who feel that their hair is messed up must look in the mirror, re-comb their hair, and make up their makeup to be at ease, and the child is just copying the mother's daily performance.
Many parents will not intentionally educate their children when they are young, and they feel that children understand what they know, and they do not know that children understand the most.
How to fix it
Do children like to dress up or not?
First of all, children who love to dress up have the ability to manage themselves, more self-disciplined, and more confident.
Children who love to dress up will not be too lazy, and dressing up also needs to use their brains to spend energy, and they are not ok with life, and have their own pursuits.
Such children will be more confident when they grow up, know what is suitable for themselves and what they need, and will develop well in the workplace.
Parents should guide the child, is to let her understand that the appearance is only a part, the inner wisdom, determination to make a person more beautiful, usually the mother may wish to take the child at home to read more books and documentaries, to help the child cultivate inner beauty.
Case 3
Take it seriously
At a dessert shop, moms and kids are concentrating on playing with their phones.
Later, I heard the mother solemnly discipline the child:
"I called you, why didn't you say yes?"
The child retorted: "I called you, and you didn't say yes!" ”
Mom replied, "I'm me, you're you." ”
The child said, "Then I will learn from you." ”
Mom was still serious: "If you do this again, Mom will be unhappy." ”
Child: "If you are not happy, you are not happy, I am not afraid!" ”
Strangely, mom also put on a playful expression: "Okay, well, you won." ”
The child was proud for less than two seconds, and the mother's expression and tone changed again, becoming very annoyed: "Why are you such a nasty child?" ”
Mother and son continued to argue about something, as soon as the child went out, he immediately punched his mother, and the mother immediately raised her hand to fight back, and the child originally learned the mother's casual, careless, emotional repetition, and as soon as he sat down, he brushed the mobile phone without anyone.
What will this child look like in the future?
Almost can think of it, the mother usually accompanies the child to write homework, but also absent-mindedly play mobile phone, but as long as the mobile phone is not played, if the mother notices the child, she can immediately pull out the child's 10 mistakes, such as sitting improperly, not writing well, looking east and west, but the child retorts, she will have no temper again, and soon she will scold the child.
Such emotions are repeated, and I can't write my homework well.
I can still imagine what that kid looked like in school:
Contemptuous attitude toward classmates and teachers, often verbal attacks;
Turn your face when you don't agree;
Do it with a little thing;
There is rarely a dignified, serious, and calm performance.
The most worrying thing for teachers and parents in school is usually such a child.
It is not difficult to teach children like this, 3 minutes to do a demonstration, for many years to the child to go to primary school, every day is so, the child wants to become like this is difficult.
This becomes a classic question – he doesn't listen to what the child says.
Most parents hope to teach their children well or change their children through didactic education.
But it usually doesn't work that well, or even doesn't work at all.
Because the child's words and deeds are the result of the accumulation of "words and deeds" in the daily life of parents, and when parents criticize and educate their children, the reasoning you tell is often contrary to their daily behavior, words and deeds are inconsistent, and the child is of course dissatisfied.
How to fix it
The really effective education is actually the words and deeds of those "invisible education" ——— parents, of course, these "invisible education", just like the above case, have positive and negative effects.
Dong Qing said in an episode of CCTV's "Face to Face": "What kind of person you want your children to become, you must first be what kind of person you want to be." ”
If parents do not set a good example, the strength and effectiveness of education will be greatly reduced.
Just like this mother, her starting point is good, but she did not seriously observe her own behavior, in the child's view, the mother playing mobile phone can not hear her own speech, she is very aggrieved, and when she plays the mobile phone and does not hear her mother speak, she will get a scolding, and her heart is more unbalanced.
The first thing parents should do well is to listen carefully, rather than scolding their children for disobedience.
Any good child is not a miracle of the world, but a trace to follow. Remember the talented girl of Fudan Affiliated Middle School, Wu Yishu, who was admitted to Tsinghua with a score of 613 in the college entrance examination?
While other parents amuse their children to watch cartoons, Wu Yishu's desk is "Human Words", "Dream of the Red Chamber" and "Three Hundred Poems of Tang Dynasty".
True education has never been the skill of turning stones into gold and becoming Buddhas on the ground, but a process of spring wind and rain and natural inaction.
Family education is a traceless education.
When you are idle next to the TV, you teach your child to be lazy;
When you stand tall in front of your subordinates, you teach your child to be conceited;
When you argue with your wife in the dark, you teach your children to complain, accuse, and be selfish;
When you walk indifferently in front of beggars, you teach your child to be cold...
Remember that in front of a child, even the smallest thing can affect him.
Change your child, start by looking at yourself.
Source: Super Vocational Education Transferred from: Pinghu Technician College, Zhejiang Province