Suspensions, police summonses, detention... On the International Day of Not Hitting Children, see what happens to these children

April 30 is the annual International Day Of Not Hitting Children, and an investigation by upstream journalists found that in recent years, the issue of violence against children has been a hot topic of social concern, and beating children will not only be condemned by society, but also suspected of crimes.

After the implementation of the Law on the Protection of Minors, the Law against Domestic Violence, the Law on the Promotion of Family Education and other relevant laws, how can children be properly educated without corporal punishment? On the afternoon of April 29, on this topic that parents and teachers are concerned about, upstream news reporters interviewed relevant education experts.

Hitting children is an easy violation of the law

Searching for the online keyword "beating children" will find that related news can easily become a hot spot in society, and two related cases were exposed on Weibo in April alone:

On April 16, Cheng Mou, a man in Chaohu City, Anhui Province, had a conflict with his wife Tang Mou because of family trivia, and as a result, he lost control of his emotions and beat his young son... After the video was exposed, Cheng was summoned by the Chaohu police to investigate.

On April 26, Chen Mou, a middle school teacher in Huishui County, Guizhou Province, punched and kicked a neighbor's child because his own child had a conflict with a neighbor's child. After the video was exposed, Chen was suspended from the school, and the local police also accepted the case.

In addition, upstream journalists found a typical case on the China Judgment Documents Network: In October 2012, Fan Moumou, who ran a shop in Chanba District, Xi'an City, Shaanxi Province, suspected that Guo Moumou, a 10-year-old child, had stolen goods and hit him with his hand on the left side of the face, resulting in perforation of the left eardrum. Fan was sentenced to six months' detention for intentional injury.

In real life, some parents spanking their children's butts, although it does not constitute the crime of abuse and intentional injury, but it will also cause trouble for themselves. In February 2021, 12-year-old boy Junjun (pseudonym) was spanked by his father because he was addicted to games during the winter vacation, and called the police twice in anger. The police officer of the Shaqu 110 Fast Division Team, who came to deal with the police situation, preached to Junjun and his parents, and finally resolved the contradiction.

How do children choose to call the police for help after being beaten? Upstream News interviewed Huai Xiaoting, a psychological counselor at the Chinese Academy of Sciences and a family education instructor in Chengdu, on this matter, and she believes that this matter is not a bad thing: "The current children's information sources are very extensive, and it is not necessarily a bad thing for children to call the police after being beaten, but also a wake-up call for parents." Just like the 'ring ruler' thrown by children to their parents, the police will give parents a certain warning effect when they come. In fact, this is also the progress of society, and children hope to feedback their inner dissatisfaction to their parents through the way of law. ”

In the old concept, there is a saying that "filial piety is produced under the yellow thorn stick". Huai Xiaoting said: "In ancient times, gentlemen and parents used the ring ruler to hit the palms of their children's hands, which was only meant to be a 'warning'. But many parents turn the 'warning' into corporal punishment or even beatings and abuse, which is not right. Why should children be beaten if they are disobedient? Children are not subordinate to their parents and are equal in human rights with the human rights enjoyed by them. ”

The way children are educated is not scientific

Huai Xiaoting said that the educational method of beating children is not scientific and effective.

She said: "The educational method of beating children is the simplest and easiest to learn, and it only works in the child's infancy, because the child is young and unable to resist, not because this education method really plays the role of the essence of education." A truly good education will bring about a sense of identity in the child's heart, and this sense of identity can develop self-identity and social responsibility in the future. We want our children to stop making mistakes not because they are afraid of being beaten, but because they want to actively change and become a better version of themselves. ”

If children do not obey and parents cannot scold, what effective way of education is there? Huai Xiaoting said: "Parents must be right? Why do children have to be 'obedient'? In fact, children have their own reasons for 'disobedience', and parents should give their children the opportunity to express why they are not obedient. Some parents will say that we are responsible for the future of our children, so to avoid children 'detours', always want to grasp the future of society and children's development, but the reality is that we are not gods, children are not game characters you control. ”

After the implementation of the Law on the Protection of Minors, the Anti-Domestic Violence Law, the Family Education Promotion Law and other relevant laws, many parents complained that the pressure was high and did not know how to educate their children. Huai Xiaoting said: "Parents can allow themselves to make mistakes, but they are not allowed to make mistakes. Parents feel that their children are their own appendages, and it is up to them to fight and scold. Now that there are relevant laws and national policies, the first thing parents have to do is to study the law. ”

Huai Xiaoting introduced the four steps for parents to do a good job in children's education:

The first step is to control emotions. The act of hitting a child is largely filled with the anger of parents. Parents should not hit their children when they are angry, it is easy to cause harm to their children. When the anger dissipates, you will find that you don't actually want to hit the child.

The second step is to communicate more to give the child the opportunity to express. No matter how old the child is, no matter how childish and unbearable what he says to the parents, he should have the right to defend himself and speak, which is the communication channel between the parent and the child. Only by communicating well from an early age will they talk to their parents when they grow up; when they encounter difficulties, their parents will become their help to overcome obstacles.

The third step is to learn more, practice more, and increase self-judgment. Now that it's the Internet age, parenting information is readily available, and a lot of useful information can be obtained from books, the Internet, or interactive communities.

The fourth step is to praise your children more. Usually, don't just focus on those places where you think the child is not doing a good job, and ignore the praise and recognition of the child who has done a good job, which can make the child more confident.

Upstream journalist Zhao Yingji