Parents love their children, which is innate, but everyone understands "love" differently.
Is scolding a child love? Of course, that's so that the child can get better.
Is it love to quit your job for your child and spend your whole life with your child? Of course, that's for the sake of making children grow better.
Since the intelligentization of mobile phones, the overwhelming amount of parenting knowledge on the Internet has swept in, and various parenting statements are often poured into the mind of contradictions, the more they raise, the more they do not know how, love less fear is not enough, love more afraid of doting.
What is coddling?
Coddling is well understood and we can understand it as "asylum".
For example: your family lives on the 10th floor, the child threw the garbage out of the window for the first time, you see that there is no one downstairs, you didn't say anything, just closed the window, afraid that others would know that it was their own children who threw it out.
So, the child threw garbage from the window for the second time, this time almost hit someone, after being found in the house, you not only did not reprimand the child, but "argued according to reason" that the child was small and did not understand things.
The child is playing in the park and destroying the public facilities, but you pull the child to run quickly, and while running, you say: "Run, it will be trouble to be seen..."
In addition, coddling can also be understood as "substitution of labor".
The child is five years old, and you still feed him bite by bite every day, and when you are eight years old, you still help him get dressed every day, and at the age of twelve, you have never done any housework.
These behaviors you do have hindered your child's efforts to try to act independently, making the child useless.
What is true love?
The first thing you have to realize is that we and our children will be separated one day.
Therefore, we must help children to become independent as soon as possible, whether behaviorally or psychologically, that is, when we leave this world one day, the love and support we have provided to children can make them live better and happier.
For example: when the child is three or four months old, crying day and night, you are not impatient, but rationally realize that this may be the baby's intestinal colic, I want to patiently soothe him.
When the child wets the bed when he is two years old, you don't make fun of him, you know he is not fully mature, but patiently wait for the day when he does not wet the bed.
Still seven years old in the first grade, the exam was not passed, you did not say that he was stupid, but told him that the future study time is still very long, do not care about the success or failure of this time, and then patiently tutor him every day.
When the child was rebellious and early in love in junior high school, you did not scold the child, but gave him enough space to let him toss. But you'll write to him to tell him what's right and what's wrong, and tell him that you love him and you want him to get better.
It can also be understood that when the child is one year old, we teach him how to eat by himself, when the child is three years old, we teach him how to integrate into the group, learn to play with children, when he is ten years old, he can make simple food, and when he is fifteen, he can take on many heavy responsibilities at home.
No amount of love will turn into coddling
There is no perfect parenting theory in this world, because each theory explains child development from a certain perspective or for a certain group of people, and each theory has limitations.
Perfection can extract the essence of it from different perspectives and then look at the child's development in a balanced way.
Some parents feel that less love for their children is not enough, love is more afraid of coddling, so that they are very anxious, what to do about this?
As long as you can clearly distinguish what is coddling and what is true love, there will naturally be a ruler in your heart.
Because there is an essential difference between true love and coddling, it does not mean that the more you love your child, the more you become coddling, as long as the way of love is right, no matter how much love you give to your child, it will not become coddling.
So, in addition to coddling, the rest of the love is given to the child, for the child, the more love you give, the more satisfied they are, the healthier they are, and the happier they grow up!
Pay attention to the "Xin Ma Parenting Sutra", if you have any questions about mother and baby parenting, you can consult me.