The last article "Judging whether a man is worth marrying?" Look at these three points is enough" The response is good, many friends leave a message saying that they want to see the girls' version, today I will turn in my homework.
As before, the whole point of view in this article comes from my observation summary of the surrounding and the discussion with friends, although the sample size is limited, but I can still find some common things for your reference.
In addition, this article is mainly aimed at boys, there must be some places where the writing is not comprehensive, even biased, but also ask girls to be more inclusive. Right when throwing bricks and jade, welcome everyone to discuss friendly =)
In general, judging whether a woman is worth marrying, in addition to the clichés of kindness, good character, etc., I think the three most important points are as follows:
First, see if she can integrate into your social relationships?
In layman's terms, it's to see if she can talk to your parents, talk to your siblings, and talk to your colleagues and friends.
Don't cut off your social relationships as soon as you fall in love.
There is a saying that makes a lot of sense, to judge what a person is like, look at what people around him are, and take an average is the state of this person.
Furthermore, it can be deduced that if a woman cannot integrate into the social relationships around you, then she will most likely not be integrated into your life in the end.
Why do the older generations say that the right marriage is important?
In addition to the coincidence of the family background, educational environment, three-dimensional cognition and other conditions of the two sides, a very important reason is that your social relations are matched with each other.
If both parties can integrate into each other's social circle, the relationship will be easy to go on for a long time. On the contrary, something will go wrong.
This problem will not be exposed when you first fall in love, but after a long time, it will become a huge hidden danger.
I have a couple next to me, which is a typical case.
The boy works as a programmer in a game company, has a good income, and his daily hobby is to read novels and play games. Friends around them are similar occupations and states, except for work, which is to stay at home and tinker with their hobbies.
Girls who are engaged in artistic performance work need to run notices around the country frequently, and the people they come into contact with are also from all walks of life. Friends around me are doing live broadcasting, modeling, actors, broadcast hosts, and their daily hobbies are eating, drinking, buying, buying, and buying.
At this point, you will find that the living habits and social relations between the two sides are actually very different.
Boys' friends, all think that the girl's mind is too active, accustomed to the outside world of flowers, the circle of friends are basking in high-level fun, boys must not be able to hold. Everyone advised him to break up behind his back, and it was more reliable to find a family to live.
The girl's friends all think that this boy is too boring, neither will coax the girl to be happy and temperamental, and he still manages her life, and does not let her do this and not let her like that. Girlfriends are also persuading girls to break up, and even some people have begun to help her find a new boyfriend.
You see, in essence, these two people belong to different worlds, the social circles of the two sides do not intersect at all, and the last three views must not be able to talk together.
Of course, there are also people who are obstinate and dedicated, but the ending is usually not satisfactory. Cut off all your social relations for the sake of feelings, and in the end you must gain more than you lose.
For example, parents don't like each other, so they pull each other away from home and elope. Friends don't like each other, so they don't have any contact with friends. The best dead party does not like each other, and they break off friends with the dead party who has played from childhood to adulthood...
I'm not saying that there must be no happiness in the end, but it must be a very small probability. The story of Romeo and Juliet can only happen in literature, and reality is not such a logic at all.
The kind of love that makes you indiscriminately make enemies of the whole world for her, that makes you give up all the social relations and resources you have accumulated in the past, advises you to be cautious.
This is equivalent to PUA in disguise, which looks like honey, but is actually arsenic.
Second, see if her self-perception is clear?
Previous talk show actor Yang Kasa's remarks about "Puxin Men" have caused fierce controversy on the Internet, which extends the attention to the social phenomenon of "Puxin".
But in my opinion, puxin does not distinguish between gender, both men and women can have.
The key is what is the root cause of the general trust, in fact, the self-positioning cognition is not clear, and there are unrealistic fantasies in the head.
The overestimation of one's own conditions and the underestimation of the external environment are the whole of one's universal trust.
For example, a boy with ordinary conditions, who has neither a prominent family background nor a prominent earning ability, but wants to find a rich family with white skin and beautiful skin and long legs.
The reverse is also true.
A girl with very ordinary conditions in all aspects, her monthly salary of 5,000, but requires boys to earn 50,000 a month, have a car and a house without a loan, and also provide for her monthly expenses after marriage, which is also a fantasy.
When you get married, be sure not to look for someone who likes fantasies.
Because marriage is going to land, it must eventually return to the daily chai rice oil and salt. Marriage is maintained not by dreams, but by management.
Why is it that two people getting married is like starting a company together?
Because marriage is not just love and love you and me, but also two people need to cooperate well, each exerting their own expertise, and going hand in hand on the road of creating a better life.
This requires both the ability to plan macro for the future and the ability to implement solidly in front of us. While looking up at the stars, don't forget to be down-to-earth.
If nothing else, just talk about "money" is very learned.
How to consolidate the respective premarital property of both parties, how to plan the family consumption expenditure every month after marriage, whether there is a plan for investment and financial management, how to distribute the family roles of the two people after the marriage, whether to go out together to make money or a master inside and a master outside, what are the financial goals for the next three years and five years and ten years...
This requires good negotiation and planning. I've even seen couples who write a PPT around this topic, and the level of detail can be called a formal project management document.
This is called landing.
Instead of being as said on the Internet, I am responsible for being beautiful as a flower, you are responsible for making money to support the family, the husband is spending money on his wife, and not spending money is not loving her.
Many of the contents of the Douyin Little Red Book that deliberately distort love values in order to attract attention, don't let your girlfriend read it.
This kind of living a day is counted as a day, only paying attention to the current self-cooling, without the slightest regard for the feelings of the other half and even the entire situation of the future family, saying that it is polite to call fantasy, saying that it is serious is called selfishness.
Without a princess life, don't get a princess disease.
The fairy tale of the prince and the princess, that was before marriage. After marriage, the two sides are comrades-in-arms and are going to fight together.
So how to judge whether a woman is a fantasy personality? It's easy to ask her the following 5 questions and see how she reacts:
1. What are the earning power and goals of both parties?
2. What are each other's views on consumption and savings? What does the hope other half look like in this regard?
3. How is the family maintained after marriage, and what is the division of roles? What are the possible risks?
4. What sacrifices can each other make for each other? At most, how much can it be sacrificed?
5. Are both parties aware of each other's principles and bottom lines? What bottom lines must not be touched?
After asking, don't look at what she answered specifically, but look at her attitude of answering.
If her attitude is negotiable, can listen to your ideas and suggestions, and can be adjusted and modified, then congratulations, this girl deserves your good treatment.
On the contrary, if her attitude is to be obstinate, not to enter the oil and salt, and stubborn and irrefutable, then you have to think carefully about whether you want to spend your life with this person.
Third, see if her personality is independent?
Compared with men, women are prone to love brains in their feelings. The most common manifestation is to make love the whole of life.
For example, as long as you have a fight with your boyfriend, you are restless all day, you lose focus at work, and you are depressed in your life.
For example, as long as the boyfriend does not return to WeChat for 15 minutes, it is as if he is facing a great enemy, and the WeChat phone call does not stop.
This seemingly deep love for each other on the surface, but the signal revealed behind it is:
"I can't live without you."
But no one in this world can live without anyone. Women who rely too much on men will not only reduce their own value, but also make men feel stressed and suffocated.
Two people together, like two otherwise unrelated circles, attract each other and intersect. As the feelings of both sides heat up, this intersection becomes larger and larger.
However, this does not mean that the two circles should overlap completely.
Healthy feelings should be that both parties must have overlapping parts and have room for their own play.
Overlapping can create emotional resonance with each other, creating new experiences and surprises together. For example, discuss common topics of interest, complete common life pursuits, and explore common life adventures.
When they are separated, they can use their respective specialties to grow and satisfy in their own exclusive fields. For example, to achieve success in their own work and to win praise in their social circles.
In this way, it is called personality independence.
The two specific signs of personality independence are economic independence and spiritual independence.
Among them, economic independence is the foundation, with economic independence, the spirit will be independent, will not be attached to men, become a vassal of men.
She can even give you advice on some things and help you get ideas, and this kind of woman is a rare species.
Once watched a blind date show, the first time the two sides met the girl took the boy to the mall, but also specially selected expensive clothes to try on.
At the time of checkout, the girl picked out more than five thousand yuan of things, and then looked at the boy quietly, which made the boy particularly embarrassed.
Later, the host privately asked the girl, is your work income very high, and do you usually spend it like this? Unexpectedly, the girl said that her income was not high, and it was only a test of whether the boy really liked her.
As a result, there was an uproar in the barrage.
This is typical of economic independence, and the self-personality is not yet sound. It's not so much about testing love as it is about finding a meal ticket.
A financially independent woman is able to freely control her income while doing her duties, and obtains the highest standard of living enjoyment within her ability.
Once economically independent, spiritual independence ensues.
On these basis, she will have her own pursuits and ambitions, will always remain curious about the world, and will not forget to improve and improve herself after marriage.
She will not tell you that she hopes to rely on you to support you after marriage, but will work with you to promote, make progress together, and create greater wealth together.
She will not blindly ask you to do this and that, and she will also know how to understand your hardships with her heart, not to rely on you all the time, but to become your dependence when you need it.
Remember, she has to be a whole person first, and then your lover.
Such a woman deserves to be appreciated and worthy of being loved.
The above is today's content, and finally a simple summary, how to judge whether a woman is worth marrying? Look at the following three points:
1. See if she can integrate into your social relationships?
2. See if her self-awareness is clear?
3. See if her personality is independent?
I hope that after writing so much, I can throw bricks and stones and inspire you. If you have more views, you are welcome to discuss it in the comments section.
Finally, I wish everyone a happy life, and encourage you =)