From youth to middle age, changes in sensory and motor function are so subtle that we are barely aware of them.
Until one day, a 45-year-old suddenly found that if he did not wear glasses, he could no longer read the phone book;
Or a 60-year-old woman has to admit that she's not walking as fast as she used to.
Invisible loss, more in the heart:
First, there is the sense of abandonment.
In this stage of life, the death of the elderly in the family is often a loss of reality that has to be faced, and some people feel abandoned and the melancholy cannot be dissipated for a long time.
Moreover, "youth is no more, appearance is easy to age" is the most direct impact.
Women without menstruation are called "old women", and such harsh words seem to throw menopausal women out of their original social belongings and become an abandoned group.
And for those women who originally had low self-worth, or whose self-worth mostly depended on external appearance and body or the reproductive functions they could provide, it was undoubtedly a huge black hole.
Depression and anxiety go hand in hand in an instant, trying to stop the collapse of their own value.
In this way, can we better understand the efforts of those "middle-aged girls"?
Plastic surgery, fitness, beauty and other ranks, for middle-aged women are almost equivalent to the opportunity to cling to the last car of the youth train: afraid that they are useless, afraid that they are no longer worthy of love.
Especially girls who grew up in patriarchal families or atmospheres as children feel more abandoned during menopause. Because of the fear of being abandoned, they will try to catch it.
The way to grasp it, such as desperately trying to retain the appearance or function of survival; and showing sensitivity to "whether the reaction of the people around you is timely", if you do not respond or do not respond in place, you will feel that the sky is about to fall.
At this time, women's inner world is fragile due to fear, and they have to protect themselves by showing strength in the external real world.
Feeling towards the end: gradually getting older, feeling that you are gradually aging, often associating yourself with the end of life, trapped in the whirlpool of remembering deceased relatives and friends, and feeling sad all the time.
Psychologist Jung said: As soon as NA middle age arrives, the sun will begin to go down, and all the values and ideals that happen in the morning will be reversed. ”
Most of Jung's visitors belonged to the middle class or above, and their lives were stable, basically lacking in nothing, but often people fell into a sense of meaninglessness in life when they reached middle age, just like the sun was about to tilt westward from then on until the sun was thin.
There will be a reversal here, a physiological decline, the limitation of workplace development, and the inability to break through, the change of family structure, and the increasing proximity to death, which will have a strong impact on people's hearts.
Some people's lives have since fallen into dead silence and collapse; some people's lives have fallen into paranoia and mania, always wanting to get something to make up for this loss.
Just like adolescent rebellion, some people have likened the midlife crisis to adolescence, and under the conflict of these crises, the personality must be reorganized, rethink the meaning of life, and face a variety of uncontrollable behaviors that cannot be absorbed.
Psychological research shows that only certain women are depressed during menopause, and most of them are housewives who stay at home all their lives.
Why is that?
This is because once the children of these women grow up and leave home, they have no spiritual sustenance anymore, so they are prone to the so-called empty nest symptoms.
For women who have spent their whole lives pursuing personal interests or developing their careers, menopause is a form of liberation, especially for childless women.
Women who feel depressed and unhappy during menopause are mainly women who are limited by a single narrow stereotype for a lifetime.
From the perspective of existential psychotherapy, the themes of freedom and limitation in the sense of "existence" and meaninglessness are the main causes of women's "menopause" problems.
To put it bluntly, menopausal women's emotions fall into a low ebb, often because they can't get rid of the shackles of traditional female roles.
Emotional crisis: After experiencing the turmoil of adolescence, the enthusiasm of early adulthood, the struggle of career and the setbacks of life, middle-aged people should be more mature, stable and connotative emotionally.
But at this time, there will be more temptations, especially when you think back on what you have paid, you will doubt whether it is "worth it" or not, and even sublimate into an emotional crisis.
The (emotional) crisis of middle-aged people, which is also essentially the loss of middle-aged self, is often also a crisis of individual self-identity and role positioning.
Between the ages of 45 and 55, the biggest crisis in the family is emotional change, and its root is mostly her own sense of loss.
According to statistics, the current menopause of women in the mainland is about 49 years old, which refers to a transitional period from sexual maturity to old age in women.
In addition to the physical performance of menstruation, emotional instability and tantrums are the most obvious features.
Their own sense of value is not reflected and lost.
When women are young, they still have their own dreams and will work hard to realize the ideas in their hearts.
However, as the children grow up, the focus of life gradually returns to the family, and even many people become full-time wives.
When you are over 45 years old, you will begin to care about the appearance of aging, and youth will disappear without returning. At the same time, because the dream is getting farther and farther away, the value of the self is not reflected.
Therefore, he always sighed long and short about his life and lived a very "pale" life.
At this time, the degree of sadness in my heart is level 1.
Children grow up and disobey.
After the birth of the child, in order to educate the child, the mother can be said to have "broken her heart".
Watching children grow up day by day, I have a great sense of accomplishment.
However, when children reach junior high school, or even after adulthood, they gradually have their own complete way of thinking, and no longer show "obedience" to their parents' words.
As a mother, it is relatively lost.
Because the child who used to find himself to "give advice" now communicates less with himself, he is not obedient, and it is emotionally difficult to accept.
At this time, the degree of sadness in my heart is level 2.
The psychological characteristics of menopause in women are manifested in the following aspects:
(1) The mood is not stable enough, easy to agitate, easy to be irritable, easy to be nervous and anxious.
(2) Produce palpitations, chest tightness, anxiety, depression, easy agitation, insomnia, memory loss.
(3) Anxiety. Manifested by anxiety and nervousness all day or intermittently for no reason, restlessness, no object or no cause of panic and restlessness, there are a variety of autonomic nervous system dysfunction and physical discomfort.
(4) Paranoia. Sensitive and suspicious, distrustful of people, thoughtful, suspicious, suspicious. Sometimes there is suspicion of illness, fear of cancer, and insecurity about their health.
(5) Depression. Physical and mental functioning is increasingly low, lack of interest and pleasure in anything, life is inactive, melancholy and pessimistic, emotionally depressed, negative words and deeds, feeling lazy, and slow thinking.
Psychologically, this stage is characterized by the integration of the self.
If the self is not well regulated, an adult is like a big child, or willful and impulsive, or irritable, or subjectively negative, or naïve, or disappointed and desperate, or anxious and melancholy.
People with relatively mature psychological and personality development, make decisions, handle things wisely, treat people open-mindedly, have a tolerant attitude, have an easy-going personality, see problems positively, have a happy mood, and can be calmly treated when they encounter unpleasant things.
It is reasonable to say that after experiencing the turmoil of adolescence, the enthusiasm of early adulthood, the struggle of career and the setbacks of life, middle-aged people should be more emotionally mature, stable, deep and connotative, full and not shallow, enthusiastic and not ostentatious, sad and not angry, joyful and not proud, not crazy, frustrated, caring for children, loyal to marriage and family.
However, it has been observed that between most middle-aged couples, there is a far cry from the above realm.
This leads to what people often call a "midlife crisis."
This is a psychological crisis, an emotional crisis, which often leads to middle-aged people's mistakes in judgment of actions, emotional knots, and may go astray or even go astray.
Women have reached menopause, the task of raising children has also reached a stage, if the child is already older, or has left home, women need to readjust psychologically.
First, acceptance cannot be changed
1. Accept the changes in your body;
2. Accept the change of position;
3. Accept the change of identity;
4. Accept the reality that parents are getting older.
Second, change can change
1. Develop good living habits and improve their immunity;
2. Cultivate personal interest and improve time utilization;
3. Change the dating mode and expand the circle of friends.
Psychologist Dr. Carol Gilligan argues that menopause, one of the most important transformations in a woman's life, may trigger a "mourning of self-deprecation and despair."
Because of the rapid changes in body and mind, they become afraid, fear that they become useless, fear that they are no longer worthy of being loved, especially when the husband and children gradually lose patience with themselves, they feel more isolated, and then they will instinctively show their strong side to protect themselves, so they become sensitive, anxious, emotionally out of control, and seriously will have a sense of despair and world-weariness.
The arrival of menopause means that Zhaohua is gradually passing away, or a strong second life is starting, it does not matter.
Just like the rushing river water comes to the mouth of the sea, farewell is inevitable.
Say goodbye to an identity, say goodbye to a period of time, say goodbye to a past self; only farewell is to truly accept and let go.
Only by saying goodbye can depression and anxiety be released from the cage and be separated from each other.
Only a sincere goodbye in the heart is the best antidote to alleviating the anxiety of aging.
How to say goodbye?
Say to yourself: Thank you.
Say goodbye to the past.
A woman who is menopausal needs not only her family, but also her family.
Menopause, in fact, is a new opening, may every woman in this period can find self and freedom.
About the Author: Hyun-hong's teacher
Psychological counselor, tarot divinator, planetary energy bowl healer, free code word person, trainer.
The Burrow listens to people cold and warm, and the love volume is the reason.
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