"Adolescence" is a sensitive word for both adolescents and parents.
When it comes to "adolescence", most parents may involuntarily appear in their minds: rebellious, early love, temper, disobedience, smoking, fighting, not loving to learn, bumping into adults, loving to dress up, making bad friends and other words.
But what does the "adolescence" look like in the eyes of children who are in adolescence?
Xiaobian tracks a large number of adolescent children, and many of them will say in the face of "puberty":
Knowing the importance of learning, knowing that many things lost can never come back,
There is pressure to study, knowing in my heart that it is not easy for my parents, especially wanting to help my family reduce the burden but being incompetent, feeling that life is difficult, wanting to grow up quickly, doing things easily emotional, being kind and indifferent at heart, annoying adults nagging, making friends I like, doing what I like to do, not breaking the law and discipline, and so on.
At first glance, the difference between parents and children's understanding of "adolescence" is still quite large.
As children grow up, many parents find that they are becoming more and more difficult to manage, more and more disobedient, quarrel with parents, and even deliberately fight against parents.
In fact, children may obey their parents when they are young because they can't say anything or are afraid of their parents, and gradually after entering puberty, they will have a strong desire to express themselves and have a desire for autonomy, and they will be very resistant to their parents to continue to control everything about him.
Even the most correct "cosmic truth" if the parents say too much, it becomes a headache for him.
And parents
If you are dissatisfied or emotional when you communicate with your child face to face, it is difficult to be completely rational, then if the parents' preaching can not convince the child, the parents will lose control of their emotions, and the result will only be a lose-lose war.
So there is what our parents call "adolescent rebellion", and even many children take it for granted that they have reached the "rebellious period", as if they do not rebel, they appear to be not young and have not grown up.
In fact, the rebellion of adolescence can be avoided, parents should calm down, take the initiative to think about the problems that arise, and try to communicate and communicate with children in effective ways, and actively and effectively guide them.
In the hearts of parents, their children will always be "children"!
But in this special period when children are desperately eager to "grow up",
Parents in particular need to pay attention to the following two aspects
It will bring more positive help to adolescent children on the road of "growing up", and at the same time, it can also bring more beautiful parent-child interaction experiences to parents themselves.
First, parents need to more reasonably understand the reasons behind their children's "rebellious" behavior, so as to lay a good psychological and emotional foundation for dealing with parent-child conflicts.
A lot of parents in reality
As soon as you see that "adolescent" children have different behaviors and operations than before or behaviors that they do not look good on, the mind will immediately present the conclusion of "rebellion", and there will be an unpleasant feeling of "my parental authority is challenged" in the heart
This is followed by criticism and preaching that cannot be stopped and is unpleasant
Parents with unreasonable conclusions and bad emotions, even if they have better patience and can better control their own emotions, even if they are taught by good manners, they still find that they are still impatient and disgusted by their children!
But if parents see their children's various "fairy" operations and manifestations, the conclusion in their own minds is:
"He's grown up and behaved differently!" The ensuing curiosity and doubt bring a good psychological, emotional basis and a good start to parent-child communication.
Feedback from experienced parents
At this time, if you say to the child, "Grow up, it is different." Talk to me and let me know something new about you.
This will not only enable children to experience their parents' recognition and respect for their upbringing, but also allow them to seek different psychological needs to be satisfied.
On this basis, they will also be more willing to communicate and communicate with their parents, while satisfying their desire to talk and be listened to.
Because behind the various "rebellious" behaviors of adolescent children, it is often the performance of their struggle for independence and recognition in order to express their self-growth, but also their desire to understand, desire to respect and express themselves, which are their needs to prove that they have "grown up", not to challenge the authority of their parents and hurt their parents.
In the second aspect, parents should pay attention to the timely change of children's discipline and communication methods with the child's age, and the behavior mode should be close to or gradually adult, so as to enhance the harmony of the parent-child relationship.
From cradles and kindergartens to elementary school playgrounds, parents continue to strike a balance of challenges and skills between their children and their environment so they can grow.
After puberty, children become less controlling because they need more opportunities to express skills and creativity, and if parents are still just talking about what to do, the conflict is bound to increase.
It is often seen that 12-year-old boys especially dislike their parents for pinching their faces when they praise themselves like little farts
Junior high school students who accompany their parents to play outside will be annoyed by various reminders and restrictions
Middle school students participating in family planning conversations will be "You're underage, you know what!"
Such words and deep injuries, etc.
In fact, as long as parents ensure that under the principle of safety, they need to give children more opportunities to express and practice, so that they can gain in self-experience and "grow up"!
China's famous translator Fu Lei and his wife have cultivated two excellent children, Fu Lei and his wife often use letters to help the two children at the most important juncture of the child, reading the "Fu Lei Family Letter", I feel that Fu Lei and his wife are close friends in front of the children, are the children's most loyal fans, are the strict teachers on the road to study, and are the ideal mentors in life.
In today's rapid development of the Internet, letters as a slow and beautiful way of communication still have its unique charm.
After entering the upper grades, the teacher can ask the children in the class to exchange letters with the parents once a month.
Send letters to students, ask them to write letters, and lead them to the post office to mail them together.
Such a grand form makes children not feel that they are writing articles, but are opening their hearts and sincerely communicating with their parents.
After the parents received the letter, they also had to reply to the child, and a few days later, the children received the reply from the postman's uncle one after another.
Every time you withdraw the letter, it becomes the most anticipated thing for the child. With a quiet afternoon, let the children quietly read the parents' letters, no one speaks, no one looks up, immersed in the parents' words, many children often tears.
Writing letters has sufficient time for reflection, and you can express your thoughts calmly, clearly and in a complete manner.
Unlike conversations, phone calls, and video voice chats, it is easy to have the disadvantages of inaccurate expression and difficulty in grasping. Children can also have a sense of equal communication, giving children a chance to think calmly and buffer acceptance.
Writing letters is a communication style that is especially important for some parents who are not good at expression, have an impatient personality, and work outside the home.
This silent tutoring method is meticulous, can touch the children's thoughts, purify their hearts, touch the softest place in their hearts, parents and children understand each other, touch each other, contradictions are resolved, parent-child feelings are enhanced, how children will be "rebellious" again, I believe that these students will not forget this simple and sincere text after many years.
I also often tell parents that when it is difficult to communicate and communicate with children, they may wish to take the initiative to write letters to their children, and parents can recall their children's childhood in the letters, so that children can feel the love of their parents for him
You can recall some achievements in the past, so that children can feel their position in the eyes of their parents
You can tell some inspirational stories to your child and encourage your child to move forward... Parents can send the written letter to their child's school, which can be quietly placed in their child's school bag and desk.
Seeing the autumn wind in Luoyang City, I want to write a book with great meaning.
Fear hurriedly said no end, pedestrians before the opening and opening.
As the oldest way of communication of human beings, letters still play an unexpected role in today's family education, let us write out the words that are deposited in the heart, savor the lingering thoughts in the reading letters, and experience the beautiful communication between people with our hearts, so that our children can spend their adolescence happily.
Xiaobian "adolescent" children to "grow up", in the process of "growing up", need parents to understand and appropriate guidance, parents in thinking, psychology, behavior with them to "grow" together!
Author: Long Xiaochu, if you need to reprint the background message, indicate the reprint.