What kind of education can shape good children?
When this question was coldly placed in front of the parents, I seemed to hear those familiar words again, "Talent under the stick" "No talent if you don't fight"... These ideas seem to be shared by the parents' generation. However, with the development of the times and the increasingly rich material life, the barren spiritual world slowly revealed its feet.
Your so-called "sticks" are nothing more than the humiliation of changing the packaging
It is said that parents are the children's enlightenment teachers, or the brightest guiding light on the road of children's lives, but also the rules that make children become square circles, accompanying children to grow up all the time, but some parents, their education methods really need to be corrected. Open the browser, everywhere you can see news closely related to family conflicts, what "Shaanxi 12-year-old girl jumped off the building to die", "Jinan female college student dormitory suicide, exposed suicide note, the spearhead pointed directly at her father", etc., each painful report seems to be an omission of education issues, but behind it hides a deeper original family contradiction.
Many parents generally believe that no beating and scolding education can not produce good children, so non-beating and scolding has become the default choice of China's family education concept, as everyone knows, excessive scolding is not only useless to children, but also leaves them with huge psychological trauma, especially the kind of ironic and insulting words, as if this can arouse the child's inner fighting spirit.
What's more, some parents deliberately enlarge their children's wounds, stimulate their children's self-esteem over and over again, denigrate their efforts, deny their progress, and compare them with "other people's children". In fact, no matter how old a child is, he has self-esteem, but often the one who can hurt them is the closest parent.
The invisible cage controls more than words and deeds
People will be managed all their lives, this discipline comes from parents, from teachers, from the boss in the future work, if you want to add a level to this discipline, I think the most powerful is our childhood. Because we are weak and ignorant, the children's affairs are all managed by the parents, but this discipline does not seem to pass away with our childhood, but brings into a larger aspect, like a cage, invisible, but indeed exists.
Some parents will intervene in children's friendship, interfere with children's feelings, intervene in children's dreams, it seems that they have planned every word and every line of children, and also called it "I am all for your own good", in fact, behind the good is the cultivation of giant babies, the shackles of the spirit, like a collar, selfishly holding the children's freedom in their hands. Sometimes children struggle to resist, and they are punished by a storm, or a bitter education, and over time, the children become more and more unsystematic, more and more dependent on their parents, and they are manipulated not only by words and deeds, but also by the lonely heart.
Verbal violence, killing people invisibly
"There is a dragon spring on the tongue, killing people without blood", I don't know when it started, "cold violence", "language violence", "moral kidnapping" and other newly defined words appeared on mobile phones, looking at it, only to find out which new word, the air is full of "violence" flavor.
A very liked advertisement, from a few words that parents often teach their children into a sharp weapon for assembling guns, directly hit the child's heart, this advertisement some people feel exaggerated, no, not at all, those few words are just a microcosm, behind the epitome is more sharp criticism, more naked humiliation.
Speaking of this, some parents do not think so, thinking that a few words of criticism can cause much harm? But I would like to say that they are wrong, long-term insults and criticisms, will leave deep scars on the child's subconscious, will make them self-abandonment, self-denial, and more dangerous, they will choose to die, just as the so-called "good words are warm in three winters, bad words hurt people in June cold", lies are said a thousand times, and in the end they will become facts, and so will criticism.
Ma Haowen, played by Deng Chao in "Galaxy Tuition Class", can be said to satisfy all my fantasies about a good father, he is loving, sunny, brave, never give up, set an example, encourage Ma Fei to grow, one of the lines that most moved me is "Sorry, I am also the first time to be a father", a very short sentence, but the words are pearlescent, it is rare that he realizes his mistakes, what is rare is that he has the courage to admit it, the courage to confess to the child, and ask for forgiveness, it is really rare for parents to lower their posture like this.
If you are really powerless to change, then give up the struggle
What is the best medicine to repair psychological trauma? Time, yes, only time can heal our scars and dilute our memories, but only if you have to have a strong heart, which means not to make us go against our original intentions, nor to make us hate our parents, but to compromise with them.
Most of our parents are 70, 80, 90, no matter which generation has a deep or shallow generation gap with their children, they also have parents, and most of their education models for us are following their parents, which can be described as freezing three feet is not a day's cold, we want to reverse the situation, but also dripping water through the stone is not a day's work.
Therefore, abandoning the struggle and compromising is the most preferred choice for retreating to the second place.
The book "Original Family" lists eight kinds of "toxic parents", such as "physical abuse", "alcoholism", "manipulation", etc., each type of parent will affect the child's growth process and mental health, which will show similar or opposite extreme personality defects when the children grow up, the more you pursue, the more you reflect what you lack in your heart; and the more you hide, the more you reflect what you fear. Since face-to-face struggle is difficult to achieve results, it is better for us to find another way, such as seeking a professional counselor, building self-confidence instead of blindly pursuing the affirmation of parents, breaking the old family model, and so on.
As the epilogue of "Original Family" says: You can continue to be childish and helpless like a child, waiting for your parents to issue you an adult license, but in fact the decision is in your own hands, not in their hands. When you really give up the struggle, you will find that your life will also go smoothly.
Indeed, they are the first time to be parents, and we are also the first time to be children, a lot of trauma not only comes from the family, but also from the society, from many people around us, so the most important thing is to shape their own inner world, to shape a tough and indestructible shield, invincible.
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