Friends say:
"When I was a child, I was beaten up, and under my mother's stick education, I was the only one in town who was admitted to a key university.
My child dragged and rubbed his homework, beat him up, and ignored me for two days.
Are today's children really unable to fight? ”
Regarding the question of "hitting" the child, the previous parents would not dwell on it at all.
Because our traditional education believes in "no fight, no instrument", "filial piety under the stick".
However, in the past 20 years, with the introduction of the Western concept of "happy education" and "encouraging education", many parents have also felt entangled and questioned about stick education, and there have been more reflections.
Whether or not you can beat your child has also become a topic of more discussion.
"If the child is disobedient, should he fight or not?"
Hitting a child doesn't solve a child's real problem
Professor Li Meijin once said a passage in "Round Table Pie":
"In the process of human growth, something must be formed, in addition to love, but also have a reverential heart."
Some people feel that it is necessary to let children form a sense of awe, and the effect of "hitting" is the most obvious.
Only when the child's body is in pain, his body will form the memory of "afraid" and "dare not".
In fact, any direct interference, such as the form of command, preaching or scolding, only relies on external forces to work, and does not solve the child's problem.
But hitting a child can provoke the emotions of parents, and in the long run, it is likely to make children become a tool for parents to vent their emotions and become a punching bag.
For the child, he will only really change if he voluntarily and spontaneously adjusts himself to a certain situation.
"Fighting" is a means, not a goal
Educator Makarenko said:
"An education without punishment is an incomplete education".
"Fight" or "don't fight" is not a problem, how to fight is the key.
When I was a child, I was also a relatively skinny child, often engaged in sabotage, and for small destruction, my father often criticized education.
Once, I saw a rice ear in the rice field, and I thought it was funny, so I dragged it as I walked, and unconsciously I was holding a large handful of rice ears in my hand.
My dad saw it, learned that I had dragged it from the rice paddy, got very angry, and beat me up.
During the meal, my dad said:
"Ordinary people point to this harvest a year, you drag down so many ears of rice, people will reduce the harvest, you think about what you do."
For this beating, I did not hate my father at all, on the contrary, I knew that I had done something bad, and I also made up my mind that I would never do it again.
Since then, I've never done anything that damages anyone else's thing.
But now, many parents hit their children, but they can't let their children grow, on the contrary, they hurt the parent-child relationship.
It will make the child "hate" and produce the revenge psychology of "you hit me now, and when I grow up, I will also beat you".
Beating is a means that can sometimes make children feel awe, and children can produce self-restraint in growth, but they are not goals, and they cannot be used frequently.
Therefore, whether to hit the child, there is only one criterion: what do you want to gain from the child?
Be sure not to hit your child in these situations
In any case, "hitting" a child is a destructive act, and it is only a very disciplined method.
In these cases, you must not hit the child.
■. Before the child is 3 years old
People's self-confidence is based on the 8-18 months after birth, during which time the family should have full patience with the child.
Mothers, in particular, should fully express their love for their children, and through demonstration, teaching and assistance, they will have a better impact on their children.
Generally, children have a sense of rules until they are about 3 years old, and parents should teach their children to know obedience, especially obedience to some rules.
■. When the child is sick
When a child is sick, it is generally noisy and exhausts the caregiver.
Even if parents are tired, they should adjust their mood and not scold their sick children.
■ When the child encounters setbacks
When the child is young, he cannot clearly recognize the facts and himself, and he needs the feedback of people close to him to define himself.
When the child encounters setbacks, it is the time when he needs to be affirmed the most, at this time, he must not scold the child, he should encourage comfort, and then work with the child to find a solution to the problem.
■. When the parent-child relationship is poor
There is a saying that says:
How many times your child can withstand the "beating" depends entirely on how much love you have let your child experience.
For those families with poor parent-child relationship, it is best not to discipline the child by beating, which will only push the child farther and farther away, and even make the child disappear.
If the child is disobedient, how should the parents discipline
Beatings are out of love, out of responsibility, not out of anger.
Therefore, to discipline children, parents must also have the right concept:
First, before discipline, we must first manage our emotions
Many parents feel "regret" after beating their children.
Because if you think about it, the child has not reached the point where it is necessary to fight.
In fact, the reason why the child will hit is often not how big the child has made a mistake, but by his own exhaustion, stress, anxiety or unhappiness.
"Out of control" means a lack of self-confidence, and disciplining children must be rational and controllable.
Therefore, it is the duty of parents to manage their emotions well and be the master of their own emotions.
Second, avoid war and conflict with your children
In war with children, fighting means not respecting the other person, and giving in is not respecting one's own dignity.
In fact, the struggle between anyone and the child is futile.
The more effective method is to set clear behavioral boundaries with the child through discussion and explanation, formulate a reasonable life plan, and allow the child to enjoy considerable freedom within the behavioral boundaries, and if violated, it will bear the corresponding consequences.
Third, let the child bear the natural consequences
Rather than punishing, it is more conducive for parents to allow their children to experience the natural consequences of their misconduct.
For example, if the child does not get up on time, does not get dressed and washed in time, and finally arrives late, what should parents do?
Do you explain to the teacher why your child is late, or do you help your child do his part to make sure he's not late?
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If you do, you won't let your child experience the consequences of wasting time.
Therefore, set the rules, parents must restrain themselves, do not interfere, the natural consequences will play a proper role, but also let the child have the impulse to actively abide by the order.
In short, beatings as a way of discipline are necessary, but not advocated, and it should be the last option.