Mother's Day | this mother says to all women: Never sacrifice yourself for your children!

Today is a mother's day,

For this lifelong job,

A mother known as the "chief mother of Korea",

Tell her story of her experience this way:

"Are you still sacrificing yourself for your children?"

Be yourself, take care of your partnership,

Your child will be as good as you hope.

Share this mother with everyone

And the family's stories and experiences.

It was a Korean-American family that shocked the whole of America.

His father, Gao Guanglin, is a former South Korean ambassador to the United States. Her mother, Jeon Hye-sung, went to the United States as a full scholarship exchange student when she was a sophomore in the English Department of Ewha Womans University, and she had a doctorate in sociology at Boston University and was a professor at Yale University.

The great mother, who was praised by the US and Korean media as the "chief mother", sent all six children to the top schools in the United States in her own way:

Eldest daughter Gyeongshin: After graduating from Harvard University, she received a Doctor of Science degree from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and was a professor in the Department of Chemistry at Chung-Ang University in South Korea;

Eldest son Jingzhu: Graduated from Yale University School of Medicine, served as minister of health and human services in Massachusetts, and is currently the deputy dean of the Harvard School of Public Health;

Second son Dongzhu: Doctor of Medicine, Harvard University and Doctor of Philosophy of MIT.

The third son, Hong Zhu: After studying at Harvard University, he studied at Oxford University in the United Kingdom, and then returned to Harvard University to obtain a doctorate in law. He was then invited by Yale Law School to become the first Korean-American visiting professor at the school. Served as Assistant Secretary of State.

Second daughter, Qing'en: After receiving her J.D. from Harvard University, she was an associate professor at Columbia Law School and is now a visiting professor of clinical law at Yale Law School. Yale University's first non-white female visiting professor.

Youngest son Dingzhu: After graduating from Harvard University's Sociology Department, he received a master's degree in fine arts from the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston and the School of Visual Arts in New York.

The New York Times commented that "this family is comparable to the famous Kennedy family in American history."

It is said that in an interview with Columbia Television in the United States, Quan Huixing revealed her unique educational philosophy: I was inspired by the study of ancient Chinese culture, there is a Chinese saying "kung fu outside the poem", and the application of my educational method is kung fu outside the "learning".

Here's what the chief mom learned from her tutoring.

01

Never sacrifice yourself for your children

When I was pregnant with my first child, I was in a very anxious mood. I thought day and night about how to be a good parent, how to be a good parent, plus there was no guidance from others at that time, and I couldn't even find the relevant books. I was caught up in this anxiety and couldn't help myself.

Later, I thought of my parents and recalled their educational process for me, and in an instant, not only the problem of parenting, but even the problem of life seemed to be refocused, and it became clear.

My parents were not people who sacrificed unconditionally for their children.

They are always learning, improving, and enriching their lives, and their attitudes and worldviews have influenced many people and become role models for children.

Many parents love their children deeply and think that everything must be sacrificed for their children unconditionally in order to ensure that their children are cared for in all aspects, but I don't think so.

In my opinion, as a parent, the key is how to be a guide for children, helping them see the future and embark on their own life path.

Just the ability to raise children,

But parents who do not have the ability to guide their children,

Not qualified and excellent parents.

Parents themselves must have a sense of purpose,

Even if you are a parent, you must continue to work hard.

The life of a parent should be complete and cannot be cut off by the child. Doing so will be more difficult than unconditional sacrifice. However, this is the path that parents who truly love their children and love themselves have to choose.

At this point, we need to think: Is what I do to my children out of genuine love?

Am I surrounded by the value of having to sacrifice unconditionally for my children, clinging to my children and neglecting to make myself a parent who is respected and loved by my children? Do I see my child as an agent to fulfill my unfulfilled dreams?

Parents have children,

But you can't have children.

Parents and children from the beginning is independent, everyone has their own life path to go, if you love your children, you must get rid of the "good mother complex" and strive to be yourself.

02

Create an environment where you can read anytime, anywhere

No matter where you are in your home, there is an atmosphere of learning. It was all created by my husband.

There is no need to force them to learn, the children can only see the desk and the family who is learning, and they will feel that learning is part of our family's daily life.

In our home, the desk is not just a simple decorative furniture, but a special furniture for study. My husband bothered to prepare a desk for me because he regarded me not only as his wife, but also as a scholar, so that this desk was even more precious.

Parents just let their children know:

Learning is not a special thing,

It's a part of everyday life,

It's like doing everything for your child

Something about learning.

If parents can sit at the desk naturally, the child will also be close to the desk. Rather than saying, "You learn," it's more useful to say, "Let's learn together."

It's not about getting all parents to move their desks into their rooms. I just want to tell you what kind of practice you need to make if you want children to learn, and what kind of spirit is needed for such a practice.

03

Couples with good feelings are easy to become role models

Some people think that my husband and I will have a particularly good relationship, or have a lot in common. But in fact, we are no different from other couples.

It's not that we don't quarrel, it's just that at the beginning we know each other's strengths and weaknesses, so when we encounter disagreements, we know more respect and recognition, rather than rudely talking or making a big fuss.

Another important reason why we try to avoid quarrels and use communication to solve problems is that we don't want to affect our children and want to try to set a good example for them.

Mr. has lived a boarding life away from home since childhood, different environments, will certainly have different lifestyles and standards of hospitality. Through constant conversations with our husbands, we slowly identified with each other's differences.

Sometimes I also feel that as my mother said, it is good that there are differences between husband and wife, so that they will cherish each other.

Although we try to avoid it, there are still disputes. If the children find us arguing, I am reminded of what my mother once said, "There must be at least one red-faced singer in a family."

And I also tell the children that differences should be allowed, and the differences between husband and wife are also beneficial in family life. Of course, in front of my children, I have always established the authority of my father for my husband.

This is also the role of the mother. If the mother does not respect the husband as a father, the child will not recognize the father's authority, so that the father's teaching will not stand. Vice versa. The moment the wife becomes a mother, the husband begins to establish his wife's authority.

The process of educating children,

It is also the process of husband and wife falling in love with each other;

And couples with good feelings,

It will definitely educate more successful children.

04

Ways to open your child's mind

Our family must have breakfast together every morning, which provides a good time for our exchange. No matter what the situation, no matter how busy, the family at home should have breakfast together, this is the principle set by my husband.

Not only because of the importance of eating breakfast to the human body, but also because of the ability to make yourself recognize "me in the family" from every morning. When I was newly married, I was very tired of this principle, but when it came to raising children, I found it to be a very good habit.

Seeing the children's expressions and atmosphere in the morning can roughly guess what is happening to the children, and can easily ask questions.

In communication with children

The most important point is to understand the nature of communication.

Some words are better when the whole family is present, while others can only be said when there are two people. If you can't distinguish between this, it will make the already sensitive children more sad, and the contradiction will become bigger and bigger.

In addition, pay attention to the timing of the introduction of communication,

It's best not to say to your child directly, "Let's talk."

This kind of one-sided format will make the atmosphere before the beginning of communication become awkward and blunt, and it will be difficult for children to open their hearts to you at once.

Do what he likes with your child, shopping, watching movies, watching TV, etc., naturally creating a time for two people, the atmosphere becomes relaxed and natural, and the chat can begin.

In addition, there are many ways to communicate with children.

For example, I often use the time I give my children haircuts, and through natural touches such as haircuts, touching them, and rubbing powder, our intimacy is stronger. Then naturally ask them what I am curious about, and the children will not reject it.

When listening to your child tell his story, it is best not to make a direct evaluation.

If the child feels that the parents are analyzing and evaluating themselves, he does not want to say it again. Therefore, parents can continue to guide their children by asking other questions or agreeing with their children's approach.

Give your child the opportunity to think and let him sort out his own ideas. That way, he was able to do it himself

Analyze the strengths and weaknesses of competitors and correct them later.

Communication cannot be like a lecture, with a predetermined time.

Strive to make communication a natural part of life.

There is also a point to pay attention to when communicating, can not give the child "I am an adult, you are a child, you have to listen to my words" and other hints, it is best to show the opposite attitude, let the child feel that he is telling you something you do not know, so that he will be very happy, but also a sense of accomplishment.

05

Tips for communicating with your child

I have heard many parents complain that as soon as the child grows up, he is estranged from himself and does not like to talk to himself about anything, while he seems to have nothing to say with his classmates and friends.

Parents who encounter this situation,

It is time to reflect on whose question it is.

Personally, I think that the main reason why a child does not communicate with his parents is because he feels that communicating with his parents is meaningless. First, his parents did not understand him and always educated him from their own point of view; second, they could not make constructive or enlightening suggestions.

If you talk to your parents about your heart, parents always make a big fuss about their own experience, can't listen to their children's ideas, and don't respect their children's choices, so which child is still willing to talk to their parents?

Good parents always remember two words: listen, advise.

I myself cherish the experience of communicating with my children, not only to gain something for myself, but also to help my children's growth, and I especially have a sense of accomplishment as a parent.

I tell all parents in my experience that they must let themselves grow, constantly find ways to improve their lives, and solve the problems in their lives.

In this way, when the child needs help, we can take on a meaningful role, rather than worrying with the child.

Obviously, children like powerful parents.

Are you still sacrificing yourself for your children? Be yourself, take care of your partnership, and your children will be as good as you want them to be.

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