Lonely walker
1
After middle age, Yumo felt more and more lonely.
At work, he was no longer taken as a backbone, but let him go to the gate, saying that so many college students who had just come out of school did not have a post, and their academic qualifications, knowledge, and ability were better than him, so he let him give up his post.
After looking at the gate for a year, because he was like a cat without a beard, he couldn't catch mice, he couldn't take care of those children, his face was full of middle-aged sincerity and kindness, the children were not afraid of him, and his colleagues didn't treat him as a person, even the gate didn't let him see, let him go to a remote village, guarding a courtyard without children.
Yumo is like a peasant who has lost his land, suddenly without an object of work, like a headless fly, feeling so dazed.
Yu Mo thought that an age like him was indeed older than those young people who had just entered the workplace. However, compared with those who are about to retire, they are still young, and there is still a long way to go, a long time to go. At his age, he exerted his last strength, and when he did his work, like the leaves of late summer, he stood up and could survive until the beauty of autumn. At such an age, he lives like a retired person, which is equivalent to early retirement, retirement, and living, just like waiting for death.
To this end, Yumo specifically went to the leader and said that he wanted to return to work and continue to play the residual heat.
The leader smiled and said, "This is the care for you, let you rest, even the blessing will not be enjoyed, ordinary people, want to do this will not be the turn." ”
Yu Mo said: "My title has not yet been solved, so if I go on like this, I am afraid that there is no hope." I also want to seize the last chance and try hard. ”
The leader still smiled and said: "Rest well, live a few more years, better than getting a title." Enter a title, isn't it possible to have a little more money? Look away. That is, you enter the workplace, no matter how you fight, sometimes you may not be able to enter. The reality is that you have seen it, there are more monks and fewer porridges. ”
What Yu Mo saw the leader said was also a reality, perhaps he really wanted to take care of him, so he didn't say anything more and forced anything. The leader poured water on Yumo, and Yumo took a few sips and then retreated.
I don't know how, on the way to the village school, my heart is particularly cold.
A gust of wind blew down the leaves on the tree, and Yumo suddenly felt that he was spit on like that leaf.
Yu Mo laughed at himself in his heart, as if yesterday, I was still the backbone of the unit, how in a flash, it was old, useless, no one wanted it!
In the village, after looking at the small courtyard for some days, Yumo suddenly felt that what made him feel lost and desolate than not being used by others was indescribable loneliness.
The village is very remote.
Go to the village, from the town, according to a dark asphalt road, walk more than ten kilometers, along the way there are villages, through the village, a long way, are no man's mountains. When you reach a mountain beam, follow the road that hovers over the mountain beam, climb over the mountain beam, get off the mountain beam, enter the ditch, follow the road, and walk a few tens of miles to reach the village. There are sometimes villages along the way, and many places are deserted mountains.
The empty courtyard, in the middle of the village.
The village is at the confluence of two rivers. All the way close to each other, the mountains that were forced to be tight, in this place, suddenly opened up, and a small Ping dam appeared, and in the Ping Dam, there were a piece of field, surrounding the village, and the river, from the field, slowly flowed through. By the river, there are wild willows, reeds, and trees.
People's houses, before the confluence of two rivers, are on both sides of a relatively large river. Some of them are backed by mountains, some are facing the river, and each holds the terrain, forming a large courtyard.
Most of the houses are black tile houses with earthen walls. The roof of the house, renovated, flat and beautiful. The house was white inside and out, the ground was cemented, and the yard was paved with cement. Around the yard and houses, there are various fruit trees, and the village feels beautiful and quiet.
After Yumo arrived at the village, he was still surrounded by the village, away from the hustle and bustle of the quiet, and felt as if he had returned to the countryside in his dreams, and his heart was still very excited.
Without children, the small courtyard with colleagues is also very quiet. Entering the gate, there is a row of houses, and opposite, there is also a row of houses. The house is flanked by walls. In the middle, there is a large yard. The houses are all brick houses, and in the village, they look special and beautiful. The yard is also paved with cement floors. Against the wall, planted with four seasons of green. In front of the house, there are larch, magnolia trees. In the small courtyard, the environment is very elegant and quiet. In the face of such a quiet feeling, when he first came, Yu Mo's heart also felt poetic, there was the noise of escaping the child, the intrigue between colleagues, and the ease and leisurely coming away from the world.
With such a feeling, at first Yu Mo was grateful to the leader in his heart, and he was also happy to lead such an arrangement, so he was in the small courtyard, calmed down, settled down, and lived.
2
After the initial freshness, after the past, Yumo knew what it was to be abandoned, what was the feeling of being isolated from the world, and what was loneliness.
This village, far from Yumo's hometown village, has hundreds of miles of road. One or two hundred miles away from the city where Yumo lives. Yumo had passed through this village before, but had never stayed in this village. I am a little familiar with the sky above the village, the mountains under the sky, and the appearance of the villages in the mountains, but I am not familiar with the people and things in the village at all, just like facing the landscape of the village, completely unfamiliar.
After spending some days in the village, I felt how dead and silent the village was, and staying in the village felt like isolation from the world, it was so lonely.
Although his wife also followed him to the village and the small courtyard, it made Yumo feel lonely like an indistinguishable one.
Although the courtyard was in the middle of the village, the children and colleagues left, and after going to the town, no one came to the courtyard again. Some wild cats and wild dogs came in through the cracks in the iron doors, looking for food and. You can often hear the voices of the villagers and the sound of passing vehicles, but no one comes to the courtyard, and no vehicles stop. In the small courtyard, there are often two people, Yumo and his wife, the house is quiet, the trees are quiet, the air seems to freeze, except for the faint sound of the village, the small courtyard is completely dead. Yumo could hear his own heartbeat and breathing.
The wife's way of relieving loneliness is to wash clothes and cook. Or clean the yard, clean up the house inside and out, or do needlework. In addition to work, Yumo did not have a way to dispel loneliness and pin his heart.
Yumo only sat alone in the hut, or in the yard.
Sometimes, the wife is busy and sits on the side, but for many years, the wife and I have been together, the grind of hard real life, the mutual understanding of each other, when they are together, there is no words to say. Two people together, listening to each other's breathing, but felt more lonely and unbearable.
Yu Mo couldn't stand the loneliness of sitting and sitting like this. In the small courtyard, it is lonely and lonely, and Yumo tries to go out of the courtyard and go to the village to find someone to talk to, or something that can be done, to dispel loneliness and loneliness.
In the village, there are no more people many years ago, only some prime-age people, or old people, and some are ignorant, sleep when they are full, or carefree children playing in the yard.
Walking through the village, some of the houses of some families were tightly closed, and the yard was full of dead leaves and dust. Some people in front of the door are old people, their eyes are confused, the same loneliness. Some prime-age people, in the open fields, bent over toil. Seeing them, there is no memory of the past life, and the faces of each other are so strange and there is nothing to say.
There is also no rain ink that can be integrated into, something to do. Here, he had no fields, no mountains, and wanted to grow crops, flowers and vegetables, but there was no place.
The other things you can do are drink and play cards. In villages without young people, there are not even people who drink or play cards. And in a village where this man and things are completely strange, no one will drink or play cards with him.
Yumo walked in the village in a daze, feeling empty and desolate, with a feeling of being abandoned and isolated by life, and what came to his heart was an even more indescribable loneliness.
Yumo couldn't stand the loneliness, and the feeling of being forgotten, so he went to the town and found the leader of the unit, and after the leader said this to him, Yumo felt that it was impossible for him to return to work and work as before. Because compared to those young people, he is old, no longer the backbone of the unit, the unit does not need it. Although he still had no completed dream, he could only leave with regrets. At this time, to let him go to the village, the empty courtyard without children and colleagues, for him, it was already a care, just like the poor people in the village, to be able to give him a bite to eat, should be satisfied.
After understanding this, Yumo still returned to the small courtyard. Knowing that he had no way out and where he could go, the small courtyard was the only place on which he depended to survive and live, just like the peasant's acre and three-quarters of land, which was the only sustenance for his family to support.
Yu Mo settled his heart and lived in the small courtyard.
There are no colleagues, and the small courtyard with children is too empty and dead as if it has been forgotten. Unfamiliar with the people and things of the village, in the village that has been empty, there are no people who can talk and things that can be integrated. Yu Mo thought about finding things that could dispel loneliness and loneliness.
3
The child, at first, followed them and read books, but now the reading is getting farther and farther away, and has gone to the city, like a bird, the wings are gradually full, leaving them, to find his dream, his life.
Loved ones, like grass seeds that follow the wind, are scattered in various places for the sake of living. In my hometown village, there are only empty old houses.
Hometown villages, there are still some familiar neighbors, but the villages guarding the small courtyards are far from the hometown villages, and it is generally difficult to go back.
Yu Mo knew that to get rid of this indescribable loneliness and loneliness, the only thing to rely on was himself, and he could save himself.
In the small courtyard, against the wall, and under the trees, there is a field.
During the day, after eating, Yumo and his wife bought farm tools and began to reclaim the fields that were full of barren grass. First remove the weeds, and then use a hoe, a hoe, a hoe to dig out the ground. Yumo was like a farmer in a village, bent at the waist parallel to the ground, with his back to the sky, toiling.
In the course of labor, Yumo tasted the bitterness of his parents and the people in the village, and they relied on the land all their lives, labored on the land, and lived. Also in labor, I forgot loneliness and loneliness.
The wife was on the side, too, bent at the waist parallel to the ground, digging the ground. However, the wife is more skilled than Yumo. Yu Mo knew that when the child had not gone far, the family's life was very difficult, and his wife was at home, guarding the house, doing housework, growing vegetables, planting crops, doing various farm work, supporting the family, and was already a good hand who could do farm work skillfully. Therefore, Yumo also experienced his wife's hardships and difficulties, and paid too much and too much for this family. Her youth, her hardships. YuMo thought that in the years to come, like his wife and himself, he would gradually grow old in the years, thinking that he should be good to his wife, be considerate of her, accompany her, and grow old together.
After the rain and ink dried for a while, they gasped and sweated, and they had to sit down and rest for a while. The wife still dug unhurriedly. Yu Mo looked at his wife on the side, and suddenly he and his wife met, and the past events that accompanied him came to mind.
Between his wives, Yumo experienced love.
The first love was a girl in the ravine of her hometown, hazy, but at that time, Yumo was caught in the pain of his father's death, and when he struggled out of the pain, before he had time to pour out his inner feelings to the girl, the girl was found by a young man from a rich family in a nearby village. Yu Mo's heart was painful for a long time, sad for a long time.
The second love is a girl who has just graduated from school and came to the unit to substitute for class, Yumo and girls, the purity of the girl, the vitality of the body, like the beautiful scenery of the main road, illuminating the heart of Yumo, and falling into reality, hopeless life. Yumo and the girl soon fell in love.
The vitality and purity of the girl attracted Yu Mo. Yu Mo's sincerity and the fiery emotions in his heart also attract girls. Yu Mo and the girl quickly fell into the fiery emotion. It's just that this love, like a tidal wave, comes and goes quickly. From the beginning of spring, after the summer, it is abruptly over. The girl got a new job, left the village, went to the city. Yu Mo had not yet woken up, and immediately fell from the peak of happiness into the abyss of pain. Once in one place, how happy. How deep the memory was, how deep the pain of Yu Mo was.
Yu Mo broke free from this pain, many years later. With the gradual increase of age, youth and vitality are not there, the face wrote down life, and the vicissitudes left by the years, Yu Mo's heart, no longer have hope for love, but did not expect that when I went to the county for training, I met a peer. The girl Wen Jing, whether it is looks or personality, is like the girl he once loved.
Yu Mo thought that when he met the girl he once loved, his heart immediately became excited, but his heart, which was already calm, could not help but get excited. The heart is like a volcanic eruption, spewing flames, with enthusiasm and excitement, chasing girls. Girls also have a good feeling for Yumo. Yu Mo thought that he had found love again, and resolutely left his hometown and chased after the girl's unit, a village far away from his hometown.
Yu Mo and the girl, there is a dreamy, romantic beginning, there is also a fierce and unforgettable process, but the ending is equally tragic, the girl did not give him any reason to break up, quickly married a person in a small county town, left the ink dye, the village unit, went to the small county town to work, silently announced the end of love with ink dye, and also silently told the helpless reality of breaking up with ink dye.
Yu mo's feelings for girls are sincere and fierce, as if there is a person near the cliff, grasping the straw that saves his life, and pinning the hope of feelings and the hope of a happy life in the future on the girl. However, in the end, it was such a tragic ending.
How much emotion Yumo has paid, how much hope she has pinned on, and how painful and disappointed the ending is.
Yu Mo paid the remaining hope in his body, accumulated all the strength, to chase the girl, but ended up like this.
Yumo in the abyss of pain, can not see the light, hope, nor can see the road to life, bring to Yumo, is despair, Yumo even has no courage to live, there is no more.
And in his village, there are no relatives, no friends, Yumo's pain, nowhere to pour out, inner pain, and no one to comfort. Yu Mo seemed to have been beaten into hell.
If it weren't for the girl who later became Yumo's wife to come to the unit, Yumo really didn't know how to live. At this moment, Yumo met his current wife, Lingzi.
Lingzi's parents, both very ordinary people in the village, rely on the land to survive. Lingzi also has the innocence and simplicity of the people in the village. After knowing Lingzi, it didn't take long for Yumo and Lingzi to get a marriage license, without any meaning, invited colleagues from the unit to a piece, ate a meal, even if it was a marriage.
4
Yu Mo sighed, "So fast! Everything seems to have gone through nearly twenty years yesterday, between lingzi and Lingzi! “
Yu Mo thought, between her and Lingzi, from knowing, to falling in love, to getting married, there has been no sweet talk, bold words, just so simple, quickly came together.
With her actual actions, Lingzi silently told her about her love for Yumo. After the marriage, she also told her feelings for Yumo silently with her actions.
After getting married, Yumo was busy working, and Lingzi took care of all the housework. Cooking, washing clothes. Clean up the house. Ink dye work free, back to the cabin, the house, clean and tidy. There was hot water to drink. When it was time to eat, there were tasty meals.
At night, there is the company of Lingzi, pouring out the inner words, bringing inner warmth, dispelling the pain in the heart, and feeling sweet and happy.
Gradually, with the plume together, a peaceful and happy life occupies the heart, the ups and downs and pains that have been experienced, in the heart, covered by the years, and the happiness between the plume, in the heart, there is no trace. Yu Mo's heart is full of sunshine, full of hope for the future life.
Yu Mo also felt that with the happiness between he and Lingzi, the pain he experienced and the ups and downs he experienced were all worth it. Compared with the happiness between the plumes, the past love, all look pale and ridiculous.
With the company of the plume, the happiness brought by the plume, Yumo can devote himself to the work wholeheartedly, and the person has the vitality of youth, restores the vitality of youth, and works with great energy.
A year later, Yumo and Lingzi, having children and being sons, worked from his village and returned to the village near their hometown, experiencing hardships, allowing Yumo to taste a touch of sweetness and happiness in life.
For so many years, he has devoted himself to his work, worked diligently and diligently, and wants to get the affirmation of the leader, have a good evaluation, and bring him a better future.
Yumo is at home, doing housework and leading the children. Yumo went back, the house was cleaned up, there were clean clothes to wear, hot water to drink, delicious food to eat, the child also smiled at him, the eyes were dark, very cute. Let Yumo feel the warmth from the heart.
Many years have passed, Yumo has stayed in many units, gone to many places, has always had the heart to pounce on the work, pinned hopes on the work, hope that the work will be affirmed, can get a good evaluation, and have a good future. Lingzi led the child, guarded the home, and supported him.
However, the work has not brought hope to Yumo, nor has it been affirmed, or how good an evaluation. With the flow of the years, he is gradually no longer young, the vitality on his body, and the youth gradually dissipate, he in the unit, but also from the backbone, gradually slipped to the general teacher. Yumo still has not lost confidence, full of hope for work, diligent and hard work, no longer eager to get a good evaluation, there is a desire for the future, just think, is that the work can be stable, back to the hometown village to work. I can put the title into it.
And this, as he entered the unit, the young figure was increasing day by day, the education was higher than him, the body was full of youth and vitality, Yumo from the general teacher, to see the gate At this time, the gate did not let him see, to his village village, guarding the empty courtyard.
Yu Mo felt that for so many years, he could not feel lonely and lonely, perhaps in his heart, for this job, there was hope, and he pinned his heart. At this time, all hopes were shattered, and only like a village farmer, guarding the small courtyard, belonging to his acre and three points of land, ending up with a mouthful of food to eat and support his family, he felt lonely.
Yu Mo recalled the past, and only then did he feel that for so many years, for the sake of work and for the hope of his heart, he did not take care of his family, nor did he take care of his children, let alone accompany Lingzi more.
At this time, letting go of the seductive hope, he completely fell on the ground with his feet, gave himself a life, and returned to his own living space, just when he could take care of the children and accompany lingzi more, to make up for so many years and apologize to them.
YuMo and Lingzi, while working, looking for something to say to Lingzi. Tell Lingzi about some things in his previous work, and those colleagues, in a particularly good relationship, there are some unforgettable scenes. Which children are more cute. Lingzi listened quietly, smiling and intoxicated. Lingzi also said to Yumo that she was at home, guarding the house, taking the child's affairs, and Yumo also listened quietly.
Housework, Yumo also helps to do. Lingzi washed his clothes, and Yumo went to rinse. Lingzi cooks, and Yumo chooses dishes. Lingzi cleaned up the house, and the rain ink swept the floor.
In the afternoon, the two men also walked out of the courtyard and followed the road to the mountains and fields to collect some firewood.
The sun is on the top of the mountain, the sunset is particularly red, and the sun is very warm. The mountains are very quiet, feeling the tranquility, picking up firewood, and feeling so peaceful physically and mentally.
The day is over, twilight comes, Yumo and Lingzi are like in the village, back to the small courtyard, put firewood, washed, together with Lingzi, made a night dinner, after eating, while drinking tea, while watching favorite TV. After watching the TV, it was late at night, and the village was already silent, only the sound of the wind blowing and the barking of the dogs, which made the courtyard look quiet and the cottage seem warm. Rain ink and plumes, just feel the warmth, taste the happiness of sleep.
5
In this way, Yumo took his heart back to the family, lingzi, and lingzi's heart, more and more tightly together, the days in the dead silence of the village, the emptiness of the courtyard, but so full, sweet, happy life.
When there was no work to do, Yumo and Lingzi moved the bench and sat in the small courtyard. In the small courtyard, the houses stood quietly, and those flowers and trees quietly accompanied them. The sky is blue and the sun is exceptionally warm. Yu Mo was quietly asking himself in his heart, living to this age, in which years, is not lonely!
Time, it seems to flow backwards, pulling Yumo to childhood.
Yumo's hometown is a village. In the village, there are more than twenty families and nearly a hundred people. In the village, there are old grandfathers and grandmothers; there are also uncles, uncles. Auntie, aunt. There are also older brothers and sisters, and there are many partners of the same age.
In their own home, there are grandfathers and grandmothers. Father, mother, brother and sister five.
The village is in a ping dam, there are two ditches on the top, two rivers flow out, meet outside the village, and then slowly flow away. There are wild willows, reeds, trees by the river.
People's houses are distributed on both sides of the river between the intersections. Some houses are against the mountain, and some are facing the river. Each embraced the terrain and formed a large courtyard. People's houses are all black-tiled houses with earthen walls, and there is a yard in front of the door, surrounded by various fruit trees.
The family raises pigs, chickens, and dogs.
The mountain, surrounded by the village, the mountain is not high, slowly going up, the mountain is full of various trees, it is very beautiful. The sky above my head was blue, blue, and the sun was clear and warm.
The village is the promised land of Yumo's childhood.
What first brought Yumo happiness and warm memories was his home.
Yumo's home, in the middle of the village. Behind is the mountain, front and back, left and right, are people.
After Yu Mo opened his eyes, gradually, he knew his relatives. Grandpa and grandma; father, mother; brothers and sisters.
After they could speak, Yumo would call out to them.
Grandpa and Grandma, very kind. Didn't stay with them and eat. Living next door to the house, there are earth stoves, earthen kang, boards, cabinets and some farm tools. Grandpa went to the fields to do farm work, and in his free time, he went to find a doorway to earn some money. Grandma guarded the house, cooking, doing laundry, feeding the chickens.
Yumo often went to Grandpa's hut, and after going, there was good food, and Grandma's family gave Yumo food. Grandpa took Yumo into his arms and gave Yumo fruit candy to eat.
Winter nights, it was very cold, the rain and ink went, Grandpa and Grandma, at the fire, while roasting the fire, while peeling off the corn on the corn cob. In the stove, there are potatoes burning. After a while, it was cooked, pulled out, they ate, and also gave Yumo to eat. The wind outside, the howling wind, the house, extra warm.
Fathers and mothers, unless it is windy and rainy, usually get up early every day, eat and go to work. Sometimes, I work for my own family, sometimes, I go to work for someone else's family, change my work, and in the future, I will have a job at home, and then I will invite you.
The father is thin, and the mother is also thin. The father is a little taller than the mother. Thin and weak, they support the life of the family. Let the people in the family have food to eat. Although he ate pasty soup, wore patched clothes, and lived in a house with black tiles, Yumo felt that the family was together, and it was so warm and happy. Especially when the father and mother had a busy day and came back, the family was eating together. At night, under the dim oil lamp, the family lived in a house with black tiles. Let the wind and rain outside, the wind and frost and snow and rain, the cabin, all look so warm.
No longer shaking, big, Yumo can run around and play, no longer satisfied with home, such a big place, every day up, after eating, just run around in the village to play.
Yu Mo met many people in the village, including grandparents and uncles. The kindness of the grandparents, the diligence of the fathers. I also know my brothers and sisters, and I am also as industrious, and at the same time, I have a very beautiful dream in my head.
Yu Mo knew the most children of his age.
Yumo knew Lin Zi, Hai Zi, Si Wa, Rabbit, Ling Zi... They are all partners of the same age in the village.
Yumo followed them, wandering around the village, in the yard, playing with mud, chasing, and fighting. Go to the river beach, play with stones, and on the walnut trees by the river, tie up the swing and swing. In the summer, at noon, I take off my essence, jump into the river, and play with dog planing. In autumn, they run all over the mountains and look for wild fruits to eat.
The forest is a doll's head. The family has money, eats well, dresses well, and plays well. What attracts Yumo and his partners the most is that Lin Zi often holds a radio, which has a variety of good songs and good stories. The forest walked in front, and the rain ink followed them like tails.
Lingzi is skillful and can make all kinds of toys. Found planks, and discarded pulleys, made a wooden cart, and pushed to play. Cut the wooden stick, make a gyroscope, put a steel ball on the top of the gyroscope, pull it with a whip, and the gyro flies up, makes a humming sound, and flies to another place, still very spinning. You can also use willow branches to make willow flutes, wheat straw to make wheat flutes, and blow loudly.
Yumo and his partner have played with the wooden cart he made. Lingzi also made a gyroscope for Yumo.
Haizi is wild and can climb walls and dig bird nests. Go up the tree like a monkey and pick the fruit to eat.
It was just that, once climbing a tree, falling down, although there was nothing else, I bit my lip, stitched it, and finally my lips were as thick as pieces of flesh.
……………………………………
Yumo and these partners, in the days together, are carefree, innocent, is the warm feeling of the sun, unfortunately, a flash has passed, to the age of reading, to carry the school bag, to the village school to study.
6
The years of reading made Yumo recall, although it was different from his childhood, it also made him feel happy and not lonely.
I first read a book in a nearby village, a few miles away. As soon as Yumo's freshness to school passed, he wanted to skip school, but he was beaten by his father and did not dare to skip school again. Take your heart back, put it in the school, and soon, you will like the school and be able to read the book.
A piece of reading, there are many partners in the village. In the morning, follow them and carry a school bag to school. In the school, there are other village partners, listen carefully to the lectures in class, and after class, they play with their partners. Yumo plays with the partners of the village, and also with other villages, can play with the partners who can play together, Yumo is very quick, and has met many partners. It was Rui'er from a nearby village, Maozi.
Rui'er is not tall, Mao'er is tall, burly, and enthusiastic about people. They took delicious food and gave it to Yumo to eat, and when Yumo had something delicious, they also gave them food.
In the school, there are two teachers, a male teacher and a female teacher. The male teacher is tall and thin, thin and tall, and harsh on people. The female teacher is medium-sized, slightly fat, and kind to people.
They gave Yumo chinese, mathematics, also called Yumo they sang, played basketball, and badminton. Let Yumo learn a lot of knowledge, know a wider place, but also gain happiness, and have dreams in his heart. I dream of flying to a wide place outside the ravine of my hometown.
In the afternoon, after school, with classmates, singing songs, left school. Playing as you walk, memorizing texts and singing songs. Went back, there was hot rice in the pot, and the relatives were smiling and greeting Yumo.
After Yumo had eaten, he climbed on the door pier to do his homework. When the homework was done, there was a partner who came to the appointment, and they walked around the village with them until the night came, went back to be with their relatives, and felt the happiness of sleep.
After Yumo finished reading in the village, he went to the township to board and study, went on Sunday, and returned on Saturday.
Many of the partners who went to the township to study and read together in the village did not read, and the partners in the hometown village were only left with him and Lin Zi, and the others were because they could not read, and the family was poor, could not afford to provide, and did not read.
In other villages, there are Rui'er, Mao'er.
Yu Mo also met, a companion far away from the village. In the school, there are more classmates and more teachers, and Yumo also knows more teachers.
The headmaster was tall and tall, but kind to people. In the village, the tall and thin teacher who taught them also came to this school, but he no longer gave Yumo substitute lessons. There were several other female teachers, who were young, energetic, energetic, and kind to yumo.
There are many children who read together, some are younger than Yumo and some are older.
Yumo and Lin Zi, Rui'er, and Mao Zi played very well together. Lin Zi's father worked in a unit in the township, and sometimes, YuMo went there with Lin Zi to play, and he lived there at night, and he could still eat fragrant rice.
Rui'er's family has a lot of labor, grows a lot of grain, and brings a lot of dry food every time, and when Yumo is hungry, he gives Yumo to eat.
Maozi dry food also brought more, but also for Yumo to eat. After class, just play together, play table tennis and basketball.
In the twilight, after a day's class, Yumo and his classmates at school chased and played some games in the courtyard, learning the martial arts action on TV, fighting, not to mention how pleasant.
When it was time to go to bed, and many classmates, sleeping in a large room, it was a long row of bunks, no matter the wind outside, rain, many people slept together, the house was warm. The teacher checked the accommodation, did not let him speak, and slipped into the bed and whispered. Then, unconsciously, irrevers and go to sleep.
On Sunday, Yumo carried a vegetable bucket and dried food on his back, and asked some classmates to walk and talk as they went to the school. On Saturday, the bucket was empty, the dry food was eaten, and the satchel was empty, so I hurried back and imagined that there were white noodle steamed buns, noodles, and rice at home.
And go back, Grandpa, Grandma. Father, mother to give are smiling faces, affectionately shouting at him, the pot is indeed left with delicious food, Yumo's heart, just so warm.
In middle school, Yumo studied in a town in a foreign county. Many of the students who read the book did not read anymore. He was reading, and he was also reading in his hometown county, and no one was with him, which made Yumo feel the initial loneliness.
That loneliness is going to school, or coming back from school, walking dozens of miles, climbing over a mountain beam, no one to accompany, feeling a little scared loneliness. It is also to a strange place, facing the unfamiliar landscape, there are no more familiar people, and the loneliness of things.
However, In Yumo's heart, there is the support of dreams and the yearning for a better life in the future, and ignores this loneliness.
Yu Mo's heart, thinking about the distance, thinking about his dreams, all of which supportEd Yu Mo's soul, allowing him to resist loneliness, running alone on the way to and from school.
After some days, I gradually got to know the teachers, some of them were kind, some were kind, and some were full of youthful vitality. I also know many classmates, the same age, the same vitality, the same future full of yearning, and dreams.
During the class, Yumo followed his classmates and traveled in the kingdom of dreams outlined by the teacher. After class, in addition to learning, I talk with people of the same age, talking about learning things, life things, and also talking about the future and dreams.
These let Yumo in the resonance of mutual understanding in his heart, forget the strangeness, loneliness.
At night, like in the township, with many classmates, sleeping on the bunk of a large room, whispering, allowing the wind and rain outside, the house was exceptionally warm.
After graduating from middle school, Yumo returned to his hometown, was admitted to school, and went to a school in the city to study.
To that city, Yumo is strange, to the teachers in the school, and classmates, Yumo is as strange as no one knows.
When I was looking for my fellow villagers, I met some classmates in this county, and at first, there were also classmates in this county. However, after some days, the classmate in the class from this county was admitted to the art class, and there were no more students from this county in the class, all of whom were students from other counties and who Yumo did not know. The villagers in this county, with the initial enthusiasm passed, each also had their own interests, with their own like-minded partners playing together, and gradually, they no longer came and went, and played together. Occasionally, when you meet, you can say hello.
This made Yumo feel a little lonely like when he was in middle school in a foreign county. However, those who read in a group are all peers, who have the same dreams, pursuits, and beautiful visions for future life. The heart is just as pure. Gradually, I got to know, and some like-minded friends, and there were endless words in one piece. Gradually, I got to know some teachers, those teachers, some funny, some humorous, some have profound knowledge, listening to their lessons, intoxicating, is a kind of enjoyment, decorated with inner dreams.
I gradually became familiar with the city, and on weekends, I went to the city to hang out. In the city, there are crisscrossing streets, high-rise buildings, and some quiet alleys, and a river that flows through the middle of the city, so that the city has the aura of the landscape in the bustling and bustling.
The loneliness and loneliness of Yumo gradually dissipated, but instead felt happy and warm.
7
After work, there was a period of time, Yumo did not feel lonely, lonely, and could feel warmth and happiness.
Yumo's work unit, not far from home, on weekends, can go home, although the father is gone due to illness, but the mother, brother and sister waited at home, back to have their warm greetings, kind smiles. There is hot water to drink, there is hot rice to eat, sleep in the old house at night, extra warm, steadfast.
Many colleagues in the workplace know each other, encounter things at work, ask them for advice, encounter difficulties, and help each other. I also talked to them about many words outside of work, and from their words, Yumo realized life and learned about life. There are also colleagues who are not much different in age, who are also in that city, who have studied, graduated, and come back to work. Yumo and him had a lot of work words, talking about that city, talking about that school, and teachers, many teachers, knowing each other. He also talked about their classmates, and also talked about their inner dreams, so that Yumo and him had inner resonance.
At the end of the day's work, Yumo sometimes, go for a walk, sometimes, just with those colleagues, casually talking, to the interest, dig up pickles, drink wine, drink while talking, in a high atmosphere, let people intoxicated, forget the loneliness in the mountains, and isolate from the outside world. I also forgot my dreams, little by little, from the sky to the real ground, bringing disappointment to people.
This life lasted for some days.
Later, Yumo fell into emotions, for those emotions, once intoxicated, crazy, happy, and finally, also ended up in pain. Despite this, Yumo still did not feel lonely. After all, there are still dreams in the heart. Dream of sweet love. Dreaming of work, can bring a good future, and a sweet life. There are also familiar colleagues around, friends, and relatives.
Yu mo's loneliness, Xu is from the unit, no longer the backbone, get reused, work unit, far away from home, there are not many friends around, and relatives began.
In the unit, Yumo began to become a person of the uncle's generation, and the unit was full of youthful faces, who had rich knowledge, high education, and brilliant dreams. Although he is very polite and respectful to Yumo, he can't play with Yumo like his former colleagues, and has something to say. With those children, gradually, there is also a generation gap in age and soul.
Until this time in the unit, there were no children, only an empty courtyard, no colleagues, no relatives, friends. In other places familiar, and unfamiliar places, in the face of the emptiness of the village, the old, let the rain ink and them, can not blend, understand, can play to a piece, said to a piece.
Thinking, Yumo thought, in addition to spending more time with Lingzi and making up for the debt to Lingzi's feelings, so as to dispel loneliness and loneliness, Yumo's heart thought of the village of his hometown, thinking of those friends and relatives. I also want colleagues who have been together. Also think of children.
Thinking of taking the air, being able to be with them, being able to find the warmth and happiness in the memory, long-lost, and forgetting people to middle age, in other places, and gushing into the heart can not be discharged loneliness, loneliness.
8
Yumo was in town, rented a house, and went to town at the end of the day, or on weekends. The son is studying at the town's school.
After going to the town, he called his son to the rented house, Lingzi was busy making food, he and his son talked, asked about his son's study, and talked to his son about some words in life, although the son was shy, he listened carefully, sometimes brooding, sometimes smiling.
Lingzi made a delicious meal, and the three of them sat around together, steaming in the heat, eating a meal, so that Yumo found the feeling of childhood, and his heart was so warm and happy.
With the time spent with his son, gradually increased, and found the previous, son followed him, the feeling when reading, and the son gradually made love, mutual understanding, in such a feeling, no longer lonely, lonely.
Yumo also returned to his hometown once.
It was a sunny day, the sky was blue, blue, sunny and warm. The mountains are continuous and the river flows silently.
I haven't gone back for a long time, and Yu Mo's heart is a little excited.
When entering the hometown ravine, Yu Mo's heart felt so warm and kind, as if he had returned to his childhood, and the loneliness and loneliness of people in other places after middle age disappeared in an instant.
When I arrived at my hometown village, the sky on my head was still the sky in my memory, blue, blue, and so clean and warm as the sun. The mountains under the sky are still the mountains in memory, stretching continuously. The mountains hug the village, and the river flows silently. The village's black-tiled houses are scattered on both sides of the river.
The chickens are singing and the dogs are barking wildly, giving Yumo an idyllic feeling.
Yu Mo's heart was warm and excited, as if returning to his childhood, walking into the existence of memories.
However, when Yumo walked into the village, he found that the village was so empty. Many people's homes, closed doors. Occasionally there is a house with an open door, and in front of the door sits a dying old man, gray hair, confused eyes, looking at the sky hopelessly, the mountains in a daze, as if waiting for the flowing years, to take themselves away.
Through the village, to their own doorstep, the old house is still the same, but it is not their own home, as the sisters marry to the far side, the brothers go to the door in the distance, the old house is sold to other people's homes, become a house that does not let go, empty memory. With them, because they are far apart, they are all tormented by life, for a long time, for a long time, there has been no contact, and they have not met.
Walking in the village, except for the dying old man, it is a rare child, or sleeping in the arms of an adult, or bored, playing with mud on the side of the yard.
Childhood memories of friends, like dreams, dissipated. Looking at the village, seeing things and thinking about people, I can think of them, in the memory, their faces, still clear, in the village, but I can't see them again. Some are buried underground, and some, not knowing where to live, like grass seeds that follow the wind, float somewhere.
Yumo went to the village, the township school, the village school, which had long been withdrawn and sold to private individuals, and this family did not know where to go, and the door was closed. The scene of going to school, those who went to school together, do not know where.
The schools in the township have been dismantled and merged into teaching points, and the former houses have been demolished and newly built, but there is only a young, unknown young teacher in Yumo, who is lonely and guarded by a few ignorant children. What about the former teacher! I used to go to school together! What about the school I remember! All like a dream, gone.
I don't know why, Yu Mo's heart, suddenly gushed a feeling of emptiness, just returned to his hometown ravine, village, that warmth, happiness is gone, gushing into the heart, is desolate, is the feeling of emptiness. He seemed to have had a very beautiful dream, in the dream, what a happy scene he had, but when he woke up, the scene in the dream was gone, and he was alone, and the plume that accompanied him was gone.
Yu Mo carried desolation and hurried away.
On the way, far away, I saw my former colleague, retired, faltering, with white hair, and a very haggard look. Yu Mo couldn't bear to look directly and went to say hello. In the memory, they who were once strong and full of yearning for the future, at this time, facing the flowing years, they were so old and desolate.
I also saw a classmate who had once been in school, with disheveled hair, worn-out clothes, and dust. His face was covered with stubble, leaving the marks of time, and his eyes were dull. In the memory, lively, full of dreams about the future!
Yu Mo also couldn't bear it, and went to greet them, afraid of destroying the beautiful dreams in his heart's memory. I also know that in the face of life and the flowing years, I can no longer find the memories of my childhood and that enthusiasm in my heart.
Yumo drove and hurried away from home.
When crossing the mountain beams and out of the ravine of his hometown, Yu Mo's heart calmed down, in the mirror, he looked at himself, his forehead was shining, his eyes were confused, his face was full of traces of time, his body became bloated, once a black hair, bright eyes, full of vitality! The same can not be found. Yu Mo knew that he sighed don't let go, just as don't let him sigh.
Yumo knows that in the face of life, and the flowing years, all the beauty, and happiness, cannot be retained, and in the end, it will become broken and desolate.
Yumo also knows that the road of life at this time, like the four seasons, has gone through spring and summer, to the autumn season, and autumn is so fleeting, it is immediately a cold winter.
Yu Mo felt that at this time, the beauty in those memories had been lost. Once his relatives, friends, colleagues, are not around, he is destined to be a lone walker. And between Lingzi, whether it is love or not, can always accompany the way, that love, it is integrated into the bones, blood, can accompany each other, to the depths of the years, is happiness. What can resist loneliness may be the silent companionship with Lingzi and the care of children, so that he can have a better life in the future.
Yu Mo didn't know what was at the end of this lonely walk.
Facing the memories and thinking for a long time, Yu mo suddenly understood: nothingness.
2018, 12, 29 days of grass