Have you ever heard the saying, "Socialize for an hour, blood for two or three days?"
Are you one of those people too? Or will you be the extroverted "loner"?
First of all, let's talk about the extroverted loner, you can compare these characteristics. Do you:
When you are outside, you seem to be able to speak, but when you talk to others, countless voices in your heart are calling "I want to go home";
Affinity is full, everyone likes you, but only you know how reluctant many smiles are;
Try your best to be satisfied with your lover, but find that the other party rarely reciprocates to you;
Responsive to friends, it is basically difficult to refuse others;
Only when you return to your own world can you feel the "real" you, who has no strength to speak.
If you meet the above points, you can basically be regarded as an extroverted "loner".
The difference between this type of person and people who do not speak directly and show resistance is that the appearance can show more group sex, that is, it looks cheerful, but in fact, the heart is full of resistance.
I once heard the saying: "Socialize for an hour, return blood for two or three days"; that is, for many people who do not like to party, socializing is like consumption, not feeling happy, but going home to replenish energy in their own world.
It has been said that this is because the personality characteristics of introverts and extroverts are different, extroverts are easy to get nutrition from the crowd, and introverts are not good at getting nutrition from the interactions of the crowd, but they are not as comfortable as when they are alone.
But why? Although there is a classification of personality types from Jungian theory, extraversion or introversion, I think that in addition to innate factors, there must also be a process that everyone shapes in the process of growth.
So what I want to discuss in this article is why a person consumes in a social environment and why a process of "blood return" is needed.
01
Why is social networking so consuming for some people?
I want to start with the growth process of a child, because the inner feeling of the way each adult interacts with others is inseparable from the relationship between the parents when they were young. The reason why a child feels depleted of interaction may be related to the intrusion of his inner relationship.
For example, if a child encounters difficulties in school, things are so big that they are bullied and so small that their studies are not going well, will the child go home and talk to his parents? Or how much he can express is directly related to the family atmosphere.
We can assume, why doesn't this child say it?
There are many possibilities, such as that he said it was useless, that his parents could not help him solve these problems, or that in his heart, his parents were too busy to take care of his problems.
There is also a possibility that the parent has too many emotions to express at home, the child needs to carefully take care of the parents' emotions at home, and there is no room for him to speak and release emotions in this home.
In such a family, what is the usual state of parents?
Most of them are "talkative" people, that is, they are talking endlessly, they have too many thoughts and feelings, they don't know much about what "moderation" is, but they involuntarily want to express, to say, to make people hear, the most important point is: "Need to respond!" Need attention!"
Such a parent himself lacks a good response to the self-object environment, and his inner "sense of omnipotence" needs to be empathized and understood.
As a result, in the family, children will have to be exposed to the function of "automatic response". As a result, the child also formed such a function when he grew up, "satisfying others and suppressing grievances."
Outwardly, the child is a "well-behaved child" who can play a "perfect good person" outside to party with others, but when he returns home, it takes several days, or even a week, to digest the feelings that he cannot digest inside. Even if it is difficult to explain oneself, it is a real depressed emotion.
If this is the case with the outside world, what about intimate relationships?
A friend once said to me with infinite emotion, "Do you think I can be happy?" I'm surrounded by babies to take care of."
Yes, this pattern has been going on for a long time, not only are your parents the object of your attention, one day, you will find that the close lovers and good friends you attract are full of this type of person. And when you continue to take care of it carefully, you will also find that the needs of these babies are also increasing, constantly testing your tolerance. Are there "vampires" all around?
Until one day you feel broken and then start hiding. But contact with people still makes you helpless, because everyone still likes "you who are good at talking", and you are still lonely inside.
02
If you're an "extrovert loner," what can you do?
So what if you're such an "extroverted loner" and are bothered by it?
I have thought of a few points that can be perceived for your reference:
1. When alone, understand your preferences
For feelings you don't like, like trying to say "no" when others try to invade your boundaries.
2. Admit your "incompetence"
You can't be a "parent's little cotton jacket" forever, and you can't comfort your own inner difficulties.
3. Maybe you will often face feelings of guilt
When rejecting others, it is easy to cause feelings of being sorry for others. At this time, you can remember that others have the right to put forward needs, but you also have the right to refuse if they cannot be satisfied.
4. Allow yourself to waste time
You can not be deliberately social, but simply "enjoy purity" in your own world.
In any case, you can let go of the mask of habit and return to being the way you are, although it will take a slow process.
However, closer to your own heart, loneliness is lonely, it is better than acting hard every day
Author: Wei Xiang Consultant
Editor-in-charge: Yy, Min
Pictured: "Deeper Than the Sea", "Dog Thirteen", "Go fucking world", "Excitement"
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