I remember when I was young, my understanding of interpersonal relationships was far less careful and complicated than I am now.
At that time, I felt that I was happy with a person, so I was eager to play with him every day, give him anything delicious, and miss it very much after not seeing him for a long time.
As we get older, the more people we meet and the more knowledge we have, the more we will understand that there is no such thing as absolutes in this world, and that the world is not black and white.
The same is true of interpersonal relationships, when you are a child, you are unrestrained, because there are not many things to consider, and when you grow up, work, socialize, and live need to be balanced.
Each of us also needs privacy, and we all need time and space to digest our emotions, and we don't want others to get involved in this space, otherwise it will feel like an offense.
Therefore, we understand that two people with a good relationship also need to grasp the measure when getting along, not that the more intimate the relationship, the better, but the two people get along, and the comfort they feel is the best.
Don't get too close to anyone at any time, smart women know it.
People always have to follow a sense of boundaries when getting along with each other
Gu Li in the movie "Little Times" is a knife-mouthed tofu heart person, she actually cares about the people around her, and wants to be good to them.
But she forgot, and even the best friend could not withstand being belittled again and again.
So, when the tongue was poisoned again, her friend broke out completely, and the two of them had a big fight over it.
Many of us will feel that the distance is closer, the tolerance is high, and the other party will also tolerate some of their own things, which is actually the fuse for many unnecessary contradictions.
We self-righteously feel that the relationship between two people is very good, and we will not care too much about what we say and do, but whether the other party thinks so, we don't know.
Under such misunderstandings, we will have a gap in the middle of the situation, and these gaps can actually be avoided through the sense of boundary at the beginning.
Keigo Higashino has this description in "People With Masks": "Our hotel guests are all wearing masks, a mask called "guest", and we should never try to unmask them." ”
It is always good to maintain a sense of boundaries between people, and even family members are not allowed to interfere too much, let alone friends?
The psychological distance is too close, and there is more unnecessary trouble
The Duan Concubine in the TV series "The Biography of Zhen Huan" is a very smart person.
At first, because of Huafei, her situation was very embarrassing, so she would join forces with Zhen Huan, only to bring down Huafei.
Later, it was necessary to see Zhen Huan go to a higher place step by step, and also to see that Zhen Huan had more power, at this time, if she did not keep a distance, it would make Zhen Huan suspicious.
After all, the more a person has, the more they will worry.
Therefore, DuanFei pretended that she was sick and inconvenient to travel again, so as to alienate the distance between her and Zhen Huan, which would not constitute a threat, and there would be no suspicion.
Zhou Guoping said: "All exchanges have an insurmountable final boundary, between two people, this boundary is not clear, but it is certain, all troubles and conflicts arise from inadvertently trying to break through this boundary." ”
Friends are only based on the meeting of Pingshui, better than strangers, in the final analysis, two people are just interests.
Having benefits means that we have to be careful when dealing with social relationships, or gender relations, rather than doing whatever we want.
After all, in this world, only parents can tolerate our faults indefinitely.
The friendship of gentlemen is as light as water, and the most important thing in life is to run yourself
I don't know if you have found such a problem - that is, when we have more friends and get closer, we spend more time on running social things, and there is very little left for ourselves.
In the end, our friends are many, but when we really need help, we find that either we can't find the right person, or we can't get help at all, and in the end we still have to deal with it ourselves.
So, what is the purpose of our time-consuming and laborious relationships?
boisterous? Popularity?
In the end, it's just a waste of time.
Problems need to be solved by themselves in the end, it is better to put all your time on yourself at the beginning and manage yourself well.
In the "Aphorisms and Sayings", it is said: "The sound of the most does not conform to the public, so the tooth is broken; the treasure is not good to the people, so Bian and weeping jade." ”
Gentlemen's friendship is as light as water, not to say that they do not deal with others, but to be selective. Can't give yourself any substantial value, but eat and drink, then such a friend does not need to make deep friends. Only when people are excellent can they communicate with the spirit of heaven and earth alone.