A psychologist once said:
"Everyone's inner world has a specific order, and establishing psychological boundaries is not selfishness, but letting your things belong to you and my things to me." 」
And that's what we need to know in all relationships, and that's what kind of relationship it is, we need to have a sense of boundaries. Relatives, friends, and lovers all need to have such boundaries.
Presumably we all have such a feeling, when we are in the process of communication, the other party does things without a sense of boundaries, which will always make us feel uncomfortable.
For example, as soon as a person meets you, they start asking you a personal question: How much do you earn now? Are you married? It is also called a closer relationship between two people.
But in fact, when we hear these questions, the first feeling is uncomfortable. Because the relationship between two people does not reach the relationship that can be asked anything.
Therefore, in the process of our interaction, we must know that no matter when, in the process of interacting with others, we must maintain a sense of boundary. Especially for people we like, we also need to maintain a sense of boundaries.
Because human nature is always polite to strangers, it is often informal to people close to you. But this should be the case whether it is between couples or between people. No matter how intimate the relationship, you must know where the boundaries of the other party are.
It is as if two people in love do not mean that two people can merge with each other, but that there is an intersection of concepts in mathematics. The so-called intersection refers to the situation where there is partial overlap between two sets or intervals. And the feelings of two people belong to the relationship of intersection.
They share common areas, but also have clear boundaries. In this way, the relationship between the two people can be more long-lasting. It's just that we sometimes blur this sense of boundaries.
It's like a mother-in-law relationship, once read such a story, in this story:
She and her husband were also very happy from love to marriage, and at the beginning, the two people were also Qinser and Ming, and their lives were also very happy. But because the young couple have to go to work, there is no time to take care of the housework. At this time, the retired mother-in-law knew that they were busy, and they also knew that they worked hard, so they took the initiative to help take care of the housework.
It's just that with the two people getting along, there are more and more problems, the mother-in-law has a strong personality, for their lives, small to daily living habits, large to the living expenses of two people, he and she have to ask about everything.
As a result, the contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have also accumulated. Let the relationship between the two people also be like water and fire. This is actually the main reason for the poor relationship between Chinese mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. It is the blurring of the boundaries between two people for each other.
You know, there is no blood relationship between the two people, and there is not much getting along and understanding before. Just tied to everything because of the same man. So the lives of the two men began to step in.
However, due to the different living habits of two people, the cognition of things is also different, which is bound to produce problems and friction. Therefore, if two people do things according to their own boundaries, it is easy to touch each other's boundaries. Therefore, maintaining a good mother-in-law relationship requires both people to know where each other's boundaries are.
Of course, the sense of boundaries is the same for all feelings, for people who like it, and it is also true for strange people, but for the closeness of the relationship, everyone's boundaries are different.
But what we need to know is that there needs to be a sense of boundaries in any relationship. Because two people are originally two independent individuals. The personalities and habits of two people will always be in conflict. Since there is a difference, there will be friction.
The best way to solve friction is to run-in, and the basis of running-in is to know where the other party's bottom line is, that is, where the boundary that the other party can accept. Only by understanding this can the relationship between two people develop more healthily.
As someone once said, there are only three things in this world: their own affairs, other people's affairs, and God's affairs. And to understand those things that belong to oneself, to other people's things, to god's things, you need to know where the boundaries are.
This is also why, whether in family affection, love or friendship, we cannot make the other party love us according to our own requirements. Therefore, whether it is for people we like or other people, the sense of boundaries is an essential cultivation for us adults.
Wen | Ming floating life
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