The sense of boundaries mainly refers to the degree of importance that a person attaches to the determination of boundaries, which is especially important in the behavior of tutoring, if parents do not have a sense of boundaries, then the tutoring they implement for their children is likely to be incorrect.
The fact that is now common in society is that many parents do have no sense of boundaries in home tutoring.
At just 14 years old, the "flower" withered
Remember that before, there was a heart-wrenching thing circulating on the Internet, a 14-year-old female student, after leaving a three-page suicide note in a late night that no one paid attention to, jumped down from the upper floor and ended her beautiful life.
The reason for the tragedy of this incident is that the parents' sense of boundaries is too lacking.
According to the relevant personnel, the girl actually does not look like a child with psychological problems in normal times, she is a well-behaved look in the eyes of everyone, and her learning is also very good, and her usual living habits are also good.
In this way, she was a "leader" among her peers, but that night, she put her own money, borrowed books and some other important items neatly on her desk, and then left silently.
In her suicide note, we find the answer to her death: the parents' excessive control over her, resulting in a lack of "respect", and the parents' love for their children, at this moment, because they transcend boundaries, become control.
The Impact of a Sense of Boundary Loss: Neglecting the respect that children deserve
Parents are very caring for their children, but if parents do not have a sense of boundaries, then this care will be expanded indefinitely, and when the care exceeds the "boundaries" that should be, it may become a kind of "possession" of the child.
For example, many parents will "plan the future" for their children, let the children develop and survive in full accordance with the parents' ideas, and think that this is "good for the child", but they have never respected the children's opinions and ideas, which will lead the child into a state of self-loss, resulting in a lot of bad psychology of the child, including world-weary psychology.
【Suggestion】: Parents usually pay attention to respecting children, of course, so empty words, many parents may not know how to respect children, at this time parents can do this:
Treat children as peers. Learn to think in a different position, and look at your own words and deeds from the perspective of your child. Understand that children are also people with independent thoughts, and their ideas may be better than those of parents.
This is the most "terrible" gift that parents give to their children
There is a saying that "the greatness of parents lies in sacrificing everything for their children", which seems to be very exciting, and you can feel the spirit of sacrifice as a parent.
However, from another point of view, this sentence is chilling, because "sacrificing everything" means losing the sense of boundaries.
It's something that has really happened.
Xiaoming is 16 years old, and he should have worked hard at school, but he dropped out of school at home and went online all day, not thinking about making progress.
In the eyes of others, Xiaoming's problems are not only these, he has repeatedly run away from home, and even appeared to hurt himself, and has come to the emergency room of the hospital countless times.
Parents are also very anxious in the face of their children's situation, so they turn to the relevant psychological institutions, and Xiaoming is also very resistant to the personnel of the institutions.
However, after the hard work of professionals, Xiaoming finally entered the school.
Originally, many people thought that Xiaoming would definitely not be able to stay in school, because how could such a "naughty" child be comfortable in the classroom?
But what is unexpected is that Xiaoming's performance in school is very good, it is completely like a changed person, and no one can think that Xiaoming will be so rebellious before.
Later, when the agency personnel found Xiaoming to understand the reason, they knew that Xiaoming's behaviors such as surfing the Internet, leaving home, and self-harm were actually to get rid of the "love" of his parents and achieve self-reliance.
The impact of a sense of boundaries: neglecting the trust that children deserve
When parents think that their children are still "children", a child who does not understand anything, will not, can not, but in fact, with the continuous growth of the child's age, the child's own ability is also constantly growing, and this process is called growth.
However, many parents do not understand such a truth, no matter how old the child is, they look at the child with a kind of perspective on the baby, do not let the child do this, do not let the child see that, have no trust in the child, do not believe that the child has the ability to solve their own problems, do not believe that the child's ideas are correct, and eventually let the child lose the ability to take care of themselves and lose the opportunity to stand on their own.
【Suggestion】: With the growth of children, parents should learn to give children the trust they deserve, of course, as a parent, not only to trust the child's ability, but also to trust the child's thinking, so that the child to explore and develop independently.
Believe in the child's ability, the child in the process of continuous growth, their own ability will be developed at a very fast rate, such as the child may not walk before the age of one year, will soon walk after the age of one, such a short period of time to occur such a big change, is many parents can not recognize, but it happens to the child, is so real. Believe in the child's decision, the child is an independent individual, they will make decisions about something according to their own experience in the process of growing up, their thinking is not completely "naïve", their position and perspective are sometimes more mature than adults.
epilogue
An old man once said to his son, "Even if you are seven or eighty, you are still a child in my eyes", which has touched countless people, because we have seen endless affection and love from it.
But from another point of view, isn't this typical of the lack of a sense of boundaries in tutoring? Whether parents can recognize the growth of their children, whether they can recognize that their children may be more correct and capable than parents, will directly affect the development of children.
Therefore, parents should moderately control their "care" for their children, make the sense of boundaries concrete, and let the children have the space to "breathe", so that they are really good for their children and really care for their children.