According to the law, tutoring and loving qianxing 丨 two-child and three-child families, how to give equal care an Hong

Guizhou Provincial Women's Federation with

Education Department of Guizhou Radio and Television Station(FM106.2)

Specially planned

"Yuyan" series of "Tutoring according to Law and Loving Qianxing"

Directly attack the pain points of tutoring according to law, and export scientific parenting concepts

Special thanks

Experts from guizhou family education think tanks strongly support this program

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Since the implementation of the two-child, three-child policy, many families have younger siblings, happy parent-child time, often accompanied by children "one second before the love, the next second you kick me kicked"; "the first second of fair sharing, the next second of referee you when" and other practical issues, the palms of the hands and the back of the hands are meat, in the end...

In multi-child families, what confusion will parents and children have?

What problems can arise among siblings?

What are the basic conditions for parents to achieve equal care?

How to scientifically balance the relationship between children?

The theme of this issue: how to give equal care to families with two children and three children

Guest: An Hong

【Guest Profile】

Associate Professor, Deputy Director of the Department of Preschool Education, College of Education, Guizhou Normal University, Master Tutor

He is a member of the Health Committee of the China Preschool Education Research Association

Member of the expert database of Guizhou Family Education Guidance Center

Member of Guizhou Provincial National Common Language and Writing Research Association

Provincial demonstration kindergarten evaluation expert in Guizhou Province

Guizhou Provincial Teacher Qualification Certificate Interview Examiner

Most people are "not suffering from widowhood but suffering from inequality", and this truth also applies to children. When parents have occasional "eccentric" phenomena, such as food distribution or priority deviations, it may actually cause dissatisfaction among children. Usually, children's minds are more sensitive, parents should not ignore the children's characteristics and careful thinking, otherwise it is easy to cause disharmony in family relations and it will not be conducive to the child's future physical and mental health development.

With the liberalization of the policy, there are now more and more "two-child families". While two children bring more happiness to the family, how to balance their relationship, how to make the children accept each other, coexist peacefully, and make each child develop physically and mentally, parents play a vital role, but also add a lot of trouble.

(An Hong's two daughters)

How do parents scientifically balance their children's relationships?

First, deal with children fairly.

In daily life, let the child feel that the parents are fair, so that each child feels that he is the focus of the parents, such as buying toys to everyone has a share, not biased against any one; make mistakes to be punished together, not harsh, not protective, even if the child is small, for a while do not understand the crying, but also let him understand who makes a mistake and is punished, you can coax the child afterwards, let the eldest child see fairness and justice, so that the children will get along equally. When dealing with conflicts between two children, parents should put themselves in the position of a bystander or regulator, and do not directly enter the role of referee.

Second, what you like can be exchanged, not competed for.

In family life, younger siblings like their brothers and sisters (neighbors' children) things from time to time, and when they see their favorite toys, they have to grab them, and when they can't grab them, they cry and find "backers" (parents, grandparents). Elders often take the side of younger siblings, which makes older siblings want to cry without tears, and even if they cry, they will be blamed instead of caring. This way of loving and protecting will form "doting" over time, so that the child loses himself and thinks that the whole world is centered on him, but when he enters the society later, he often spends more time to make up for the lack of education. So parents must correctly look at the child's problem, not all things can be obtained, not all things are his, want to get first to learn to pay, you can exchange your own things, you can also ask for the consent of others, but absolutely can not be arbitrary.

(An Hong's two daughters)

Third, don't compare children to each other.

If jealousy and competition are allowed to breed among children, brothers and sisters cannot have harmonious relationships. So, as a parent, you can't let one of the kids know that you feel like he's doing better than the other kids in some ways. But that doesn't mean parents are ridiculous to pretend that their children are just as good in every way. Parents can not indicate the differences between children, and there is no need to make any evaluation of different children's abilities in different aspects. Parents can tell their children, "You're really talented at art. But it's better not to say, "Your art is better than your brother's(sister)." After all, this statement can make people think that you don't see your child as an individual. It's also like telling his brother (sister) that he is the worst child in the family.

Fourth, when contradictions arise, attention should be paid to reconciliation.

In a two-child family, it is normal for children to quarrel and fight between each other. Parents should not be too nervous or angry, but should pay attention to the reconciliation between children, let the children solve it by themselves, and let the children learn how to live in peace and how to tolerate each other's methods. If it can't be solved, parents should participate and coordinate again, but remember not to favor any child. Of course, it is difficult for parents to level a bowl of water, at this time you can try to tilt slightly to the big treasure, the effect may be better than the tendency to the small treasure.

【Wheat written after the interview】

An Hong is one of the parents who ushered in the second treasure after the introduction of the two-child policy. Because I grew up in a multi-child family and loved children, after becoming a family, I naturally became an optimistic and cheerful second-child mother. In the process of growing up, she and her husband continue to work together to "upgrade and fight monsters", and occasionally get the strongest assists from grandparents and grandparents, creating a happy family of four.

For friends who are waiting and watching and struggling with whether to welcome a multi-child family, An Hong hopes that they can put aside many worries, immerse themselves in a loving family, and go with the flow to meet new life. Before becoming a parent, do not make childbirth a task; after becoming a parent, be brave enough to take on the responsibility of education.

Education expert Laura Markham once said: "The reason children compete is to ensure that they can survive in a dangerous situation and resource scarcity. So, your job is to love every child so that he doesn't need to doubt that you might love his siblings more. ”

Therefore, I hope that parents of multi-child families can try to make their children feel that "I really love you and love you as you like yourself".

【About the program】

Source | Dynamic news

Edit | Liao Xun

Editor-in-charge | Lu Weigang

Audit | Hou Qinghua