In "Send You a Bullet", there is a passage like this:
"When I was young, I thought being alone was a cool thing; when I grew up, I thought being alone was a very bleak thing. Now, I feel that being alone is not a thing. ”
People at different stages will experience "lonely" moments; at different ages, their feelings about loneliness are also different.
When we were teenagers, the loneliness in our eyes was:
There are no friends around, no partners, only myself.
During adolescence, our loneliness is:
Others have friends who share the whispers in their hearts, only themselves, can only write the thoughts and little secrets in their hearts in the diary, no one shares.
As an adult, this loneliness grows:
Confused about the future, not understood, eager to be accompanied but alone.
The loneliness of middle-aged people comes from the internal and external environment:
Internally, it is the anxiety of people to middle age, no one tells; externally, there are few reliable friends around.
When the children grow up, their feelings are in a state of struggle.
In fact, people's loneliness is another form of "isolation".
In social life, some people are isolated, not only for external reasons, but also for their own personality factors.
In this article, you will see:
What character is a person who is easily isolated?
What are the manifestations of others when they isolate you?
What should we do if we are isolated by others?
-01
What personality are people more likely to be isolated?
First: Character introvert
Introverts are prone to being vulnerable in social interactions.
The "weak" here can be understood as the "passive type".
Always passive, unable to grasp the opportunity when getting along with people, often leaving themselves in a hurry, not having enough ability and emotional motivation to face social interaction.
Like what:
In the party, introverts are reluctant to express themselves and are easy to become people who are "ignored" by everyone; watching everyone talk hotly, introverts, just hide in the corner and eat silently, watching everyone chat.
At work, introverts often miss opportunities because they lack enough courage and "self-nomination" bravery.
The colleagues around them are not as strong as themselves, and the business level is not as good as their own, but with the ability of the left and right Sources, they are mixed up.
And only himself, gradually become a marginal person ignored by his superiors.
Introverts are "isolated" because they gradually turn themselves into "transparent people."
Maybe in the beginning, people will still be interested in getting to know you and becoming friends with you.
But after a period of contact with you, I found that you were too silent, even a little wooden; over time, others did not have the interest to share with you and talk to you.
Over time, your social presence decreases.
You can understand it from another angle:
Now let you recall the classmates when you were studying, are they extroverts and a few people with particularly good grades, which make you more impressed?
And those who are introverted and have little performance have a very low sense of presence in your mind.
Because of this, introverts allow themselves to be isolated by those around them because they are gradually marginalized.
Second: People who are "emotionally blunted" are easily isolated
What is emotional blunting?
It can be understood as: poor empathy ability, lack of empathy ability, in the emotional and social problems, the response is always "slow half a beat".
For example:
When others share with you and talk to you about their hearts, the other person's heart is eager to get your comfort and get emotional value from you.
But your performance is silent and blunt, and in his opinion you are relatively cold.
In a few times, the other party will no longer want to talk to you, because the gesture you show is unacceptable to him.
Although in your heart, you think that you have not done anything wrong, but the "emotional blunt" you still do not directly understand the other party's mind.
Between you and the outside world, there seems to be a "transparent wall" that separates you.
Others can't see you, and you can't empathize with them.
It's not someone else's fault, it's not your fault, it's just that you can't fit into the same circle.
Until you change your "emotional blunting", it is difficult to fit into any circle.
So you're isolated.
This isolation is not oppression, not depreciation, and it is not the people around you who unite to exclude you; it is simply unable to integrate, and cannot play with everyone.
-02
What do others do when they isolate us?
First: Reduce or be reluctant to socialize with us
Being isolated is not sudden, but a gradual process.
In the beginning, people also deliberately invited you to parties and intended to socialize with you.
But as people become more and more cold to you, after intentionally keeping a distance from you, everyone will reduce their intersection with you.
Other people go out to dinner and party and never call you again;
No matter what happens, it won't be actively told to you.
It's like a college dorm, where there are several people in the dormitory, but there are often several group chats.
But there is always one person who cannot fit into someone else's circle.
Second: targeted isolation
There are also people who are isolated in a way that is to fight, demean, and exclude.
No matter what you do, there are people around to gossip; if you do a good job, others will not only be jealous of you, but will also unite with others to suppress you.
In a group, the best and lowest person is often easy to become an isolated object.
The reasons are:
Excellent people, because they are too dazzling, so they cover the light of others, so that others can not emerge;
The people at the bottom of the team will also be isolated by others because they drag others down and cause some losses to the team.
-03
What do we do when we are isolated?
Haruki Murakami has a saying that goes:
"Not all fish live in the same sea."
Social is also the truth, everyone is willing to invest in the social is called social, no one is involved in this relationship, it is called "a person's loneliness.".
First: The friendship of gentlemen is as light as water
Even if it is two people who are in a good relationship, there are times when they have nothing to say.
As long as you get along with people, there will inevitably be contradictions and differences.
You have to understand that not all people are suitable for socializing, and not all people are willing to socialize.
There are also people who crave solitude, like to be alone, and enjoy solitude.
When they need to socialize, they naturally use socializing; the rest of the time, they spend more time with themselves and with their families.
When we get along with ourselves, we are exploring ourselves inward, learning inward, thinking deeply, and growing.
Reading, writing, planting flowers and grass, learning a certain skill, these are all things you can do when you are alone.
When you derive joy and fulfillment from being alone, you will find that socializing is actually a dispensable thing.
in other words:
The essence of social networking is value exchange.
When you are valuable, you are surrounded by people who flatter you; you are of low value, and no one wants to take care of you.
Isn't it good to keep your distance from others and cherish the opportunity to be alone?
Second: your own feelings are the most important
If you are isolated by others and you fall into depression and cannot get out, then your life will enter another darkness.
You have to establish this idea for yourself:
"Others are isolating me, and why am I not isolating others?" It seems that I have suffered losses, but in fact I am the most powerful one, because I am alone, isolating all of them. ”
The spirit of A Q is not all undesirable, on the contrary, maintaining an optimistic attitude can make people happy.
In any case, your own feelings are the most important.
If you are easily crushed by others, then this matter can easily become your psychological shadow.
No matter what heights you reach in the future, there will still be this shadow.
Therefore, only by coming out on your own, caring about your own feelings, and learning to love yourself can you not be afraid of the isolation of others.
Do not pander, do not force, go with the flow, abide by the heart, this is the truth of being a person.
Today's Topic:
Have you ever been isolated by someone else?
(Article with picture source network)