He Suohuan, a writer of gender-emotional psychology, writes sentient stories, interesting strangers, and material knowledge.
Teacher Zhou Guoping wrote such a passage in "Man and Eternity":
"I'm not social by nature, and in most situations, either I find others bored or worried that others will find me boring. But I don't want to put up with the boredom of the other person, nor do I want to make myself look funny, it's too tired. ”
In fact, many times social networking is a kind of "talent".
Not so much a talent as it could be understood: from childhood to adulthood, what he experienced, relationships, made him a person who loved to socialize and was at ease in socializing.
But it is undeniable that there are a considerable number of people who are not good at socializing.
Although you can also behave generously in interpersonal communication, so that you are not ugly and do not make mistakes, but in your heart, you are still tired and stressed about over-socializing.
When chatting with people, it is also easy to cause "social pressure".
When the other party doesn't reply to you, do they just hate you?
Not really.
-01
Social pressure
In today's environment, a person invests a lot of time in the network every day.
Either interact with netizens, or keep brushing the circle of friends and replying to other people's chats.
From opening your eyes in the morning to going to bed at night, your phone is rarely out of your line of sight.
People receive all kinds of information every day, complex, diverse, all kinds of information fill your eyeballs.
Over time, people's spirits and emotions will be in a "high-pressure state".
For example:
Your job requires you to talk to a lot of people every day, talk to others every day.
Once you have time to rest and relax, you will especially hate chatting with others.
This can be understood as "social stress".
And at this time, when a friend messages you and talks about something inconsequential, you don't bother to reply.
It's not that I hate the other person, nor do I have any opinions about him, I'm just too tired to start this social networking.
It's like my own work is about words.
Every day in addition to reading is sitting in front of the computer typing work, when I am in the most tired time and state of the day, friends send me messages, I have a hard time to cope.
Often the reaction is slow and half a beat, and it is impossible to give the other party timely feedback.
In the beginning, my friend didn't understand and would ask me why.
Later, everyone knew my living habits and work patterns, and they would not force me, and at the working day stage, they would tell me directly if they had something to do, instead of talking about some aimless topics.
So, if a friend doesn't message you back, you can try to understand the other person.
He may be in the current stage, in the midst of "social pressure".
Replying to your messages may not be able to establish a benign social relationship with you; not replying to your messages is worrying about how much you think about it.
-02
Social anxiety, feeling bored
There are also people who don't reply to your messages because they're in a "boring" state.
He was not interested in many things, even the act of chatting, which seemed boring to him.
For example:
You don't like to drink, you can't drink, but you have to go to a drinking party; in your opinion, those who drink, drinking is boring.
You can't smoke, but the people around the current party are smoking, and you are very anxious inside, and you have to endure this torment and boredom.
You can sing, but at the moment you don't want to sing; listening to your friends singing out-of-tune songs to your heart's content is, in your opinion, even more of an ordeal.
The same thing.
When you don't want to chat at the moment, you are not interested in replying to messages, tired and anxious, you just want to put down your phone and sleep.
But at this time, your friend sent you a dozen messages, and you may not be too lazy to reply.
From a psychological point of view, the social patterns of such people belong to:
"Low please, low social" state.
It can be understood as:
They are not interested in many things and do not have much desire to socialize.
On days off, they prefer to stay at home and enjoy their lives rather than go out and join in the fun.
Friends told him to go out to dinner and chat, and he always found various reasons to push it away, and after he could not shirk it, he would reluctantly participate in certain dinners.
When chatting with a friend, he doesn't reply to you.
It's not that I don't admit my friendship with you, but I simply don't want to reply and have no interest.
It's like you're sleepy at the moment, just want to sleep, not willing to do anything, it's the same mood.
Overall:
Extroverted social people are able to replenish themselves through socializing; the more social they are, the happier they feel.
And introverted social people, every time they deal with interpersonal relationships, is a kind of consumption for them, it takes a while to relieve their anxiety and stress.
Today's Topic:
Do you have a stage where you don't want to reply to a message?
(Article with picture source network)