Must be a talent with a lot of words, is the interpersonal relationship good?

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Duty Reply: Anya

This article is proofread by Zhang Yanjun

Letter (1)

Wheat field, you say, should the estrangement of friends come naturally? Because of the economic situation, personality, hobbies, living habits, chatting is becoming more and more uncomfortable, shouldn't it slowly fade out?

However, it is very sad to hear that he(she) is saying "I don't have time to think about why we are like this", and it has affected my recent life. Alas!

Will the wheat field have such troubles?

A small cotton jacket for a wheat field

Letter (2)

I don't like to talk nonsense because I am cautious.

Must be a talent with a lot of words, is the interpersonal relationship good?

How to count interpersonal relationships?

( _ |||)

Letter (3)

How do you become an important person in your relationships?

( )

Letter (4)

I feel more and more hypocritical, sometimes I lie in order to maintain a good image, and when I tell a lie, I panic and I am afraid of being exposed. But when people ask about something I want to cover up, lying is a manifestation of my subconscious. Whenever this happens, I hate my own incompetence, I can't face everything honestly, and I'm afraid that others will look down on me or judge me when they see my bad side. I know that this kind of thinking is not right, and I still can't cross the gap between knowing and doing...

Hope to write back.

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Reply

Hello wheat field mailbox friends!

Your questions (including other letters with similar troubles), let me put them together. Since the birth of human society, the handling of interpersonal relationships can be regarded as the number one problem for people to get along with each other.

When asked for help with questions about relationships, we might get an answer like, "You can do it." "Be bold, it's nothing." Or: "Don't wronged yourself in order to please others." "Be yourself!" "Don't care what other people look at." In turn, some specific methods may be obtained, such as "XX tips for building good interpersonal relationships", "XX channels for opening up interpersonal relationships", "XX principles in interpersonal communication", "XX models of interpersonal relations" and so on.

But is the question really that simple?

As Ellen Hendriksen, an anxiety therapy specialist at Boston University, expressed in How to Overcome Social Anxiety, in a world where everyone desperately grabs eyeballs, "the more words the better" seems to be a kind of interpersonal norm, but at the same time, people with social anxiety live sensitively and cautiously in a multicultural world. Social anxiety has become a common phenomenon in the new era, and it is also a psychological problem that many people encounter in their daily lives.

In a sense, the advent of social media amplifies social anxiety, and the countless onlookers and comments make it particularly difficult for teenagers to grow socially —too many voices make us overwhelmed, pandering to or resisting some kind of "persona". Under the direct or indirect influence of social media, our minds are filled with "people will judge me as good/bad", "I have to behave perfectly", "I am really bad", "why doesn't he/she respond to me (or only reply with one word)", etc., in layman's terms, it is "the inner drama is enough". So much so that in many moments, we face everything that may happen by avoidance.

But does evasion solve the problem?

Obviously, escaping leads to a short period of relief, as well as a longer period of chagrin, loss, shame... Isn't there a better way? Hendrickson believes that all of the above situations are possible social traps. And all we need to do is escape the traps of these social anxieties. He offers some highly practical solutions, such as overcoming anxiety with actions: this includes shaping one's true self, repeating one's fears, and making a list of challenges. At the same time, it should be emphasized that having social anxiety is not all bad, and the traits that coexist with social anxiety also include: empathy, listening ability, and high standards of self, responsibility, etc.

In fact, being cheerful, outgoing, confident, or popular isn't the only criterion we can make to the level of a master of interpersonal communication, and if there's one single criterion, it's probably to be authentic and kind (which can reduce a lot of unnecessary giving and hassle, and get the most warmth).

Let's talk about friends. For the ancients, "friends" and "friends" are not consistent, the so-called "same door for friends, comrades for friends", among the two, it is more important to have friends who are comrades. For us today, the distinction between "friends" and "friends" has gradually blurred, but we can still see from the above words that the basis for becoming friends is "same".

At different stages of life, we meet some friends and drift apart from others — the reason for this may be physical or spiritual. A few years ago, because of some shared experience, I reunited with a few friends from my school days, and the relationship became closer, and earlier, because of the physical separation, we had little contact.

I think that the joy of life may lie in gathering and dispersing sometimes.

Ann also