01
In families with many children, the true filial piety to parents is often only one person who bears all the responsibilities, and this person is often the eldest son of the family.
Because as the eldest son, the education received from childhood is that you must be filial to your parents and take good care of your younger siblings. From an early age, his parents would instill all kinds of ideas in him. For example, giving parents a pension is the responsibility of the eldest son, as the eldest brother, you must pull out the brothers and sisters below, and so on.
Because he had heard so many such words since he was a child, such ideas and thoughts had unconsciously become deeply rooted in his mind. And, growing up, he was used to giving, to getting along with his siblings, so he didn't think there was anything wrong with it.
In this way, he became the one who habitually gave, and his brothers and sisters became the kind of people who only knew how to shirk responsibility, and only knew how to blame the selfishness of the big brother when something went wrong. Being a big brother may be because of the responsibility in the body, or it may be because of the pain of the younger siblings, so I always want to resist everything by myself, in order to make the younger siblings live better.
He is well-intentioned, but such kindness often does not get good results. If he had been like this, then his siblings would have gotten used to his goodness, got used to his efforts, and then they would have ignored it, not to say that they were grateful, and they would feel that this was what he should have done.
Moreover, once something happens, they will blame their big brother, think that the big brother is not doing a good job, and will not reflect on their behavior at all.
02
Wang An (pseudonym) encountered such a problem. There are three brothers in the Wang Family, and he is the eldest. Since he can remember, he has known that he is the eldest in the family, and he will give his parents a pension and send him to the end of his life, and he will pull up his brothers. He is the boss, so he needs to take on the responsibility of this family in the future. Mom and Dad said so, and Grandpa said so, and he believed it.
Because he is a few years older than his two younger brothers, and because he has the words of the elders, he has been rushing to the front no matter what he has grown up, and he feels that he is their eldest brother and the eldest son of this family, so he should let his brothers, he should rush to the front.
The two younger brothers are also accustomed to Wang An's big brother's efforts for them, so they accept the big brother's kindness to them every time. Even if they see the eldest brother tired himself half to death for them, they will not feel guilty, and they will not have the idea of wanting to share the burden.
The same is true of the issue of supporting the mother, both younger brothers have pushed the responsibility of taking care of their mother to Wang An on the grounds that they are busy at work, so the mother has been in Wang An's home for the elderly, and the two younger brothers only have time to visit their mother. In this regard, although Wang An's wife has quite a criticism, Wang An has been protecting her two younger brothers, so Wang An's wife has not said anything, and she is also serving this mother-in-law wholeheartedly, even if there is some dissatisfaction in her heart, she has not shown it.
In fact, at this time, Wang An was already aware of the problem of the two younger brothers. He was the eldest son, and he originally thought that it was right for him to support his parents, and that he should adopt his mother, and the two younger brothers could also be easier, and he thought that the two younger brothers would approve of him, after all, he had really paid a lot for this family, for the two younger brothers. But the two younger brothers never recognized him, and every time they came to find fault, saying that he was not doing well here and not doing well there.
Moreover, they had never paid their mother alimony, Wang An had never mentioned it, and they had never mentioned it. Wang An thought that his younger brothers would one day be able to see his efforts, and then understand him and recognize him, but once after his mother fell ill and was hospitalized, their attitude towards his eldest brother made him chill.
After his mother was hospitalized, Wang An's two younger brothers did not think about paying for hospitalization and medical expenses, nor did they think of taking care of their mother, they only wanted to blame him.
Wang An's two younger brothers and younger siblings both accused Wang An and his wife of not taking good care of their mother, saying that if they were really filial and obedient, if they were careful, their mother would not be sick and hospitalized, saying that they would only pretend to be good people every day, but in fact they did not care about their mother at all. These words of accusation deeply stung Wang An's heart.
Wang An did not understand, he has always let them since he was a child, no matter what is rushed to the front, when he grows up, he can also help them, anything in the family, he is his own solution, never let the two younger brothers hurt God, that is, the matter of supporting his mother, he did not let them share together. His mother's monthly living expenses and medicines, as well as the occasional illness and money to go to the hospital, he never let his two younger brothers share it together.
While he was exhausted every day to make ends meet, his younger brothers had a relaxed life. Even so, he never complained in his heart.
But this time his mother was hospitalized, and the two younger brothers' accusations against him made him chill and let him understand. He has done too much, and their responsibilities should be borne by them, and he cannot always shoulder all the responsibilities for them. Especially in the matter of supporting his parents, he must bear it together, and he cannot always think of taking it alone.
If he continues to carry everything alone as he used to, the younger brothers are expected to become more and more aggressive, and the relationship between him and his younger brothers will become more and more stalemate. Therefore, in the face of the brothers' accusations, Wang An did not let them go again this time, nor did he refute them, but let the two younger brothers take on the responsibility they should have assumed.
He directly offered to share the cost of the mother's hospitalization, and during the mother's hospitalization, several people also had to take turns to take care of the mother, and he also proposed that each family should pay alimony to the mother every month. Wang An thought that since his brothers thought that he was not doing a good job, then he would no longer do those thankless things, pay so much, but he could not get recognition, and what he got was complaining, so it was better to let his brothers also participate and share these responsibilities. In this way, the younger brothers may also feel his difficulty.
The affairs of Wang An's family have made us understand the following two truths.
03
First: Families with many children must jointly bear the burden of supporting their parents.
In families with many children, children inevitably blame each other on the matter of supporting their parents, and in the end, the matter of supporting their parents becomes a matter of one person. And this person is often the eldest son of this family.
As the eldest son of this family, because of his parents' expectations and because of his deep-rooted sense of responsibility, he chose to shoulder the responsibility of supporting his parents alone. He thought that this was filial piety, that he was taking on the responsibility of the eldest son, and he even thought that his actions had promoted the harmony of the family.
But in fact, this kind of behavior of his will only make his parents feel uneasy, and it will also encourage the unhealthy trend of his younger siblings. Just like Wang An, he did so much, took all the responsibility alone, but only waited for the accusations of his brothers.
Therefore, families with many children must jointly undertake the matter of supporting their parents.
04
Second: Sharing responsibilities for other siblings often leads to results that go against the original intention or even be very bad.
The original intention of a person to share the responsibilities for other brothers and sisters must be to maintain a good family atmosphere, but also to hope that the brothers and sisters can live more easily, so that they can also get the gratitude of the brothers and sisters, so that the feelings between the brothers and sisters can become deeper.
But sharing responsibilities for other siblings often leads to results that go against the original intent or even be very bad. Because of many things, even if you pay a lot, others may not be able to see it, even if others see it, they may not be able to get the gratitude of others.
You share the responsibilities for your brothers and sisters, at first, they may be grateful to you, but after that, your brothers and sisters will only become more and more dependent on you, and in the end, they will feel that this is your responsibility, that you should do all this. At this point, these things are really your business. Then, they will start to blame you, blame you, and feel that it is because you are not doing a good job that they will be distracted from paying attention to this matter.
Wang An is because he shared the responsibility for the two younger brothers, which will cause the two younger brothers to be dissatisfied with him. Therefore, even if you are the eldest son in the family and you are the most prominent child in the family, don't think about sharing the responsibilities for other siblings, you will only be thankless.
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