This is the story of a netizen, she is a wife, a mother, and a daughter. However, the two identities of daughter and wife have conflicts, and she does not know how to choose.
01 The in-laws pay for it, the mother contributes, should the mother take the money?
Xiaowen (pseudonym) is recently divorcing her husband because Xiaowen wants to take her mother to live with her.
Xiaowen and her husband lived alone, and the house was bought by her in-laws. After the birth of the child, the squeamish mother-in-law said that she did not want to take the baby, and then the mother-in-law gave 20,000 yuan to Xiaowen to ask her to ask for a sister-in-law.
Xiaowen's mother said that it was better to ask her sister-in-law to take the baby. Xiaowen's mother has long been divorced and lives alone, and Xiaowen has been particularly filial since she was a child. Therefore, she moved to help Xiaowen with the baby, and Xiaowen also gave the 20,000 yuan given by her in-laws to her mother, and the money was proposed by Xiaowen's husband.
Xiao Wen accidentally slipped her mouth and was known by her in-laws, and they were not satisfied in their hearts.
The mother-in-law said to the mother: "It is a natural thing to help your daughter take care of the child, you help take care of the child, live here and eat here, rent out your own house to collect money, you are still at ease to take the child's money?" ”
The mother did not say the mother-in-law, but the gap between the two was there. Xiaowen's mother was angry and did not bring the child, and Xiaowen's husband was also a little angry.
After the mother-in-law knew, she let her mother leave, and she paid for the babysitter: "I give money to the child, I want to make the child easier, not for your welfare!" ”
After arguing, the in-laws still decided to give in and give Xiaowen and his wife 3,000 a month and let them decide for themselves.
In the end, Xiaowen and her husband decided to give this money to Xiaowen's mother. However, this still did not bring peace, Xiaowen's mother often instructed Xiaowen's husband to do this and that at home, to see his various unpleasant eyes. In order to avoid the contradiction between her mother and husband getting deeper and deeper, Xiaowen can only do more on her own.
In Xiaowen's view, asking the nanny to take the baby also asks for money, it is better to give this money to the mother;
In the eyes of the mother-in-law, each other is a relative, there is money to contribute strongly, where there is a reason to take the child's money;
In the husband's view, he has given money every month, why do so many things, the mother-in-law always finds things to lose her temper, and also directs herself.
02 Turning point: the father-in-law died, the mother-in-law moved in, and the family conflict broke out
When the child was 1 year old, the father-in-law died suddenly, and the mother-in-law suddenly lost the main heart, the six gods had no master, and the mood was depressed, so the husband took the mother-in-law to live.
Xiaowen's mother has to do both housework and coax the child, and there is more mother-in-law in the family, watching the mother-in-law do nothing, the mother's psychology is unbalanced, and she begins to chant all kinds of nagging.
The mother-in-law was angry: "This is the house I bought, you go out, I pay for a nanny myself, don't be angry!" ”
Xiaowen was not happy either, after all, it was her responsibility to support her mother.
The mother-in-law said to Xiaowen in a serious tone, "Child, you see, after your mother came, has this family been peaceful?" I don't stop you from supporting your mother, but you also have to balance your own little family! ”
The husband also said that the mother-in-law took the nanny money, and also made the family uneasy, it is better to let the mother-in-law go home, we have another nanny. My husband has long been tired of such a life.
And Xiaowen's mother instigated Xiaowen to divorce.
Now, Xiaowen lives with her mother in her mother's house. On the one hand, the mother who worked hard to raise herself, and on the other hand, the husband and mother-in-law who have always been very good to herself, Xiaowen fell into a dilemma.
03 This time I stand mother-in-law: marriage must have a "boundary"
First of all, one thing is certain, that as children, we must support our parents, whether or not they have helped us with children.
However, supporting parents does not mean that parents must be brought to live with them, which is filial piety.
Marriage is not a matter of two people, but a matter of 3 families, and even many families. The most basic is the husband and wife plus the child, and then the parents, the in-laws and the two families, if there are brothers and sisters, they may also be involved.
In Guo Ma's view, marriage is based on a small family as a unit, and there are boundaries.
Why did Guo Mama stand mother-in-law this time?
First of all, the mother-in-law did not cross the family line and helped the small family maintain the line.
Although Xiaowen's mother-in-law did not help with the baby, they gave money. Even if they gave the money to Xiaowen's mother later, the in-laws did not say anything more, and everything was left to the little two to decide for themselves.
The only thing the mother-in-law interfered with was that she felt that Xiaowen's mother had made her son's small family a miasma, so she stood up and let her mother pay attention to the measure. In fact, the mother-in-law did this to restore peace to the small family.
Secondly, Xiaowen's mother is hard, but she has crossed the line.
Bringing up children is really a hard thing, and it is understandable to give the elders some hard money.
However, when there was a conflict in the family, especially when the daughter had a dilemma, she did not quit her daughter's small family in time and let the daughter and son-in-law discuss and deal with it, but let the daughter divorce.
Such a mother can be described as selfish.
After forming her own family, Guo Mama found that marriage is not easy. Two people need to run into each other, and the relationship between several families also needs to be run-in. But when the elders mix too many families, the final outcome is not very good.
As daughters-in-law, we don't want our mother-in-law to mix too much with our lives;
Similarly, as son-in-law, they do not want their mother-in-law and father-in-law to dictate to their own lives.
However, the boundary can be more harmonious!
Pistachio Mom message
Guo Mama has always felt that whether it is marriage, childcare, or family relationships, the principle is the same, and we need to use our own wisdom and emotional intelligence to operate.
And if you want to run well, find boundaries, it is very important!