Yesterday, a mother posted a message in the group: I always can't help but want to yell at the child what to do? She went home without writing homework or when she wrote homework, she couldn't concentrate for a while to eat and drink water for a while, I wanted to yell at her, and if she didn't roar, she wouldn't obey, but after the roar, I was sad to see her wronged, and the news of this mother got a lot of people's reply:
Coke Mom: Our family is too, I always can't help but want to yell at her, now I let my husband watch her write homework, out of sight and mind
Mom Peach: I used to like to yell at Peach, but I have a friend who yelled the child into a flattering personality, I dare not yell, every time I talk to her well, than not writing homework, psychological problems are more terrible
Fan Fan mother: You don't blindly yell at the child, sometimes talk to the child to reason the child can listen, yesterday Fan Fan refused to take a bath, I will give him reason, he obediently went to the bath
The chat records of these mothers have triggered my thinking, yelling children in daily life is actually commonplace, I used to roar fruit, sometimes she is disobedient, angry no way I will yell at her, for this I specially consulted the children's doctor, yelling at the child will cause what impact the child will have, listening to the children's doctor's words, I have never roared the fruit again.
Children who are yelled at by their parents may have these psychological defects
One
American psychologist Seligman proposed a psychological theory in 1967 - learned helplessness, which means that after many failures or blows, it will lead to a psychological state of despair and helplessness, and children who are often yelled at by their parents will become inferior and helpless.
Many parents understand that "frustration education" is to blindly hit the child, such as the child did not praise the child after scoring ninety points in the exam but asked the child why he did not get a hundred points, the child took the second prize and asked the child why he could not get the first prize, and the parents' roar was also a blow to the child.
Some parents often yell at their children: "With you is to give me a shame", "why are your grades so poor", "you have nothing but to eat", etc., such a blow will make the child become very helpless, the child is easy to become inferior or even autistic, they feel that they are useless, and some children will even have the idea of taking their own life.
Two
In the show "Super Nursery", there is a mother who likes to yell at her children very much, she often uses the way of yelling to communicate with the child, she feels that her yelling children are educating the child, and then the staff recorded the voice of the mother who usually educates the child, taking the mother to the place where the voice is experienced, the mother is very broken after hearing her own roar, she can't believe that this frightening sound is made by herself, in other words, she is scared by her own voice.
As an adult can not accept such a roar, not to mention a small child, the child hears the mother's roar, there will be a state of fear, if the parents often roar, the child has been living in a situation of extreme fear, the child suppresses their own heart, dare not say their thoughts, they are afraid of being yelled by their parents, such children are prone to depression or other psychological problems.
Three
The British Education Association professor said: "Yelling at children, especially repeatedly reprimanding children, children are more seriously hurt than being beaten." ”
Children who are angrily angered by their parents are easy to lose their sense of security, actor Tao Hong once shared an experience with her own children, her daughter accidentally spilled the milk, she rushed up to yell at her daughter what is wrong with you, the daughter looked at such a mother very scared, scared to look at her, even dare not cry, see the child like this, Tao Hong is very distressed.
The second time this happened, she rushed over and hugged her daughter, asked her what was wrong, and the daughter who felt safe apologized to her mother.
The roar of parents is easy for children to lose their sense of security, and insecure children may please their parents, in order to make their parents love themselves and do some things that their parents like, becoming a puppet of their parents.
In the movie "The Life of the Rejected Pine Nuts", the heroine is a typical flattering personality, in order to get her father's love, she reads and works according to her father's requirements, in order to please her father, she plays the grimace of her own circus, but what she has to pay every time is estrangement and regret.
Children with flattering personalities will live a very tired life, they do not have their own life, they are always pleasing others, and they care about other people's opinions.
Parents should know how to educate their children
Psychologist Jane Nelson once told a case in "Positive Discipline" in which a 6-year-old child can spread his quilt neatly and neatly to the point where it can be tested by the military.
Many people are curious about why this child can be so powerful, many families of children will not care about their own quilts at all, are after school left the mother folded the quilt, the mother often yelled at the child is useless.
The mother was questioned, and the mother said, "Actually, my child was not like this in the beginning, and he was very disobedient. Later I found out that he was not disobedient, but the way I said it, and he didn't understand it.
Later, I changed the sheet to a grid and asked him to fold it according to the lines. He can do this easily and is willing to listen to my instructions.".
It can be seen that children are sometimes not disobedient, but can not understand the words of their parents, parents educate their children, to be more patient, communicate with children, with words that children can understand to communicate with children.
Parents' wrong education may lead to some character defects in children, a person's personality is an invisible essence, will affect people's life, it is very important to cultivate a good character for children.