Last night, my friend said she was holding her child and crying.
The reason was that she was alone with the baby, and the 3-year-old child took advantage of her cooking skills to bring all her skin care products to the floor and bed.
Originally tired for a day, when she saw that scene, her emotions instantly collapsed, and she couldn't help but yell at the child.
The 3-year-old immediately burst into tears, but he cried and cried, and opened his arms to her to hug.
It was such a most ordinary action, but it made her feel extremely guilty, and when she hugged the child, she couldn't help but cry.
Yell at the child, and after the roar, feel guilty and blame yourself. This experience, I believe that many parents will not be strangers.
But do you have to rely on yelling to educate your children? Why is it that every time we finish yelling at our children, they never seem to remember revenge and turn around to hug them?
01, love is real, hurt is also real
Many parents may indicate:
"I know it's not good to yell at children, but I can't help it";
"Don't yell at the child and don't listen at all, can't get used to his faults";
"I'm all for his own good, and he can still take revenge on me"...
However, I don't know if parents who are used to yelling at their children have ever thought about how much the yelling will hurt their children?
I watched a small video of a little boy doing his homework while pitifully saying to his father, who was about to lose control of his emotions: "Daddy, don't yell at me, baby can write... Will write. ”
When the child finally finished his homework, he couldn't help but say, "Wow! Applaud Daddy..."
From beginning to end, the child is a cautious and trying to please the appearance, and it is really painful to see people.
Perhaps, some parents think that as long as they love their children, yelling is just a way of communication, no big deal.
Have you ever thought that your child may not have done a "deliberate" bad job? They just can't keep up with their abilities for the time being, or their parents' requirements are too high.
The "stupid" looking, unsatisfactory child had actually done his best.
02, do not "remember revenge" because the child loves you more than you think
"Mom, you know what? In fact, I have loved you longer than you have loved me. You've loved me since you were in your twenties, but I've loved you since I was born. You can only love me for fifty or sixty years, but I can love you for the rest of my life. ”
Can you imagine that this is what a child said?
Because she did something wrong, the mother criticized the child and asked her to record a review. So the child recorded these words with tears in his eyes. I believe that the girl's mother will be both warm and self-condemning after hearing it.
In fact, children who are yelled at can easily forgive us, not because they do not remember revenge, but because their love for their parents is far more than their love for them.
We often say that the love of parents is the greatest love in the world.
But the truth is that the love of parents is mostly with requirements and expectations: children who are obedient, have good grades, and study seriously are worthy of 100% love from their parents.
But the love of children for their parents is unconditional and without any reason. They have retained 100% trust in their parents from beginning to end.
3-year-old, after you yell he will turn around and ask for a hug, but what about 10-year-olds? What about 15-year-olds? A simple and rude way of scolding will eventually only make the child drift away from the parents.
So, this precious feeling and wholehearted trust, do we really wantonly "squander" it at the beginning?
03, how to learn to control emotions
Reprimands and yelling are all emotional catharsis under dissatisfaction, and the child is the "payer" of the parents' bad emotions. Children who grow up in this environment for a long time will gradually become flattering, sensitive, inferior, or embark on the road of rebellion.
That being the case, how can parents control their emotions?
Active "pause"
Emotions are not right or wrong, but that doesn't mean yelling isn't wrong.
In the case of extreme anger, people's brains are easy to go blank, and they do not choose to speak, and the words spoken at this time are the most hurtful.
Therefore, at this time, parents may wish to actively "pause" first. For example: get away from the atmosphere that makes people run out of control, be alone for a while, etc. When the mood is calm, come back to solve the problem.
Good listening
When your child is disobedient or "sabotage", you may wish to listen to your child's thoughts first.
Why smear skincare products on the floor and on the bed?
Why doesn't this question, is it not understood in class?
Why did mom say don't touch the glass, you still have to touch it...
Maybe the child just thinks that the skin care products are cleansers, and he wants to help his mother clean; maybe the baby insists on getting the glass because he wants to try it and see if he can pour water to drink...
When parents understand the original intention of their children's behavior, they may not be so angry.
Solve the problem
Parents can't help but lose control of their emotions, mostly because their children have done something wrong or failed to meet their expectations.
If the child makes a mistake, it is very simple to guide the child to take responsibility for himself. It is not terrible to make mistakes, it is terrible to dare not face mistakes;
If the child fails to meet his expectations, he may wish to reflect on whether the goals he set for the child are too high and whether he needs to readjust it again.
Your child may be naughty; may not write very well; or his academic performance needs to be improved. But before getting angry next time, you might as well think about the helplessness of your child in the face of scolding and scolding.
Language can crush a child, but it can also make a child.
May we all have something to say and express our love correctly. After all, what a happy thing it is to have a little life that loves us so unconditionally!
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| La Mama, a multi-platform contracted author, likes to read classic parenting and psychology books, and focuses on scientific parenting and parent-child emotions. If you like my text, please follow me and discuss it together.
Original works, plagiarism must be investigated.
Some of the pictures are from the Internet, invaded and deleted.