Some time ago, a mother who delivered takeaway food caused a hot discussion among netizens because of hysterical yelling at her child.
The mother was in a hurry to send a sale to overtime, but the child was running around, and she lost control of her emotions for a while, angrily yelling at the child: "I will time out, you know? If you run again, I'll lock you in the house! ”
This scene also made netizens can't help but sigh: "She is not yelling about children, she is yelling about life!" ”
In fact, many parents often encounter the same situation as this delivery mother in their lives, the work on hand is busy, but the child is constantly noisy; in a hurry to go out to work, the child is rubbing and rubbing, and can't go out for half a day; the work pressure is so great that it collapses, and the child is demonizing everywhere, waiting for you to clean up the mess. Under various circumstances, it is difficult for parents to communicate with their children calmly, often using a roar to quickly stop the child's behavior.
But when it calms down, there is often a wave of regret and guilt, and one mother once shared that "I just finished yelling at my child, and I really regret it." He became a victim of my emotional instability. ”
In fact, yelling does cause many bad consequences for children, such as children being cowardly and timid, hesitant to do things, lack of initiative... Or often irritable, tantrum, rebellious and difficult to communicate...
So, when they can't help yelling, how should parents change and remedy the harm that has been caused to their children? Here are three pieces of advice:
First, give the child more companionship and give the child a sense of security. When children feel secure, they are filled with confidence and strength.
When your child has a series of problems, you may wish to ask yourself first: How long have you not been with your child?
Parents always make too many excuses for their children: I am too busy at work to finish the phone; I am too tired at work, and I don't want to do anything when I rest...
And the child waits with his eyes for you to have time, waiting for you to grow up.
Think about it, yeah, when exactly is it time to be unprepared? Maybe according to this work and life rhythm, you may spend your whole life in a busy and busy life, and when you have time to spend with your children, you may find that you have become an "expired" parent, and your children no longer need you.
As long as you can give your child more high-quality companionship, so that children can feel your intentions and tenderness, the child will gradually have a sense of security and happiness. And security and happiness will make children have confidence and courage in the face of the world, and the problem of cowardice and timidity will be solved.
Second, give children more encouragement and give them the opportunity to make decisions.
Psychologist Rosenthal once said that children will eventually live as we describe them.
The more we encourage and value our children, the better they will be and the more courageous they will be to overcome the difficulties in life. At the same time, we must give the child more opportunities to make their own decisions, so that he can learn to take responsibility for his own choices.
In the book The Power of Empathy, it is mentioned that what we say to our children, whether positive or negative, can lead to changes in the brain. When empathized, the child's neurochemicals will change, calm will replace stress hormones, and negative emotions can slowly dissipate and calm the mood.
Therefore, when our children have some grumpy, rebellious and disobedient situations, we must first let the child feel that you can feel his feelings, give him appropriate encouragement, and give him the opportunity to decide, he will gradually release his negative emotions and interact with you in a virtuous circle.
Third, take your children to exercise more.
The National Education Steering Committee has released a quality test of primary and secondary education, showing that students who exercise for more than 1 hour a day have better academic performance and more positive mood.
Exercise can make the frontal lobe area of the brain responsible for attention congestion and activity, making attention particularly concentrated; it can make the brain produce a brain-derived neurotrophic hormone, which promotes the activation of neuronal links, making learning more efficient; it can also promote the secretion of dopamine in the human body, increase the serotonin content of the brain, and make people more resistant to anxiety and stress.
Parents with their children to exercise more, not only help to let the children release stress, improve the ability to resist anxiety, but also in the process of promoting parent-child relationship.
There is a very famous picture book in Germany, "The Mother Who Yells All The Time", which is a cute baby penguin that tells us about the extraordinary experience between her and its mother.
"This morning, my mom lost her temper and yelled angrily at me.
As a result, I was so frightened that my whole body scattered and flew away...
My head flew into the universe, my stomach fell into the sea, and my mouth was stuck in the mountains. Finally, my mother, who lost her temper and screamed, found me back and repaired me.
Mom said "I'm sorry" and I forgave Mom. ”
It is said that parents are the first teachers of children, and children are not sparring partners on the road to their parents' growth? It is said that children should be the parenting grace of their parents, and parents should not thank their children, in our yelling and shouting again and again, they wipe their tears and burst into laughter and shout: "Daddy, Mommy, play with me"!
Hellinger once said, you don't know how loyal our children are to their families and how unconditionally they love their parents.
This weak life, from birth, has always forgiven your emotions, forgiven your violence, and has always longed for your love, affirmation and encouragement. And what each of us parents should do most is to let ourselves grow up, lean down, and see, embrace, and feel the most beautiful heart.