After falling out of love, Xiaobai didn't sleep for more than a month, and people became lazy and didn't like to go out at all.
Xiaobai came to me, on the one hand, she wanted to do psychological healing work, and on the other hand, she really couldn't figure out why this relationship was like this? Xiaobai asked me, "Teacher, is it really me who did something wrong?" ”
I asked Xiaobai: "When you described it, I told me that your boyfriend was almost cold and violent for half a year, why can you endure it for half a year?" ”
Xiaobai thought for a while and said: "Because I always feel that I can't do without him, I have long found out that he wants to break up, but I can't tolerate him saying the word break up to me, so I have been procrastinating." In fact, I could have sensed that he didn't love me. But I think the more cold he is towards me, the more I look up to him. When I used to have a good relationship with him, I felt like I wasn't that serious about the relationship, but since I noticed that he had the intention of breaking up, I felt like I was more like I was than before
In fact, in real life, there are many girls who are like Xiaobai, sometimes the more the boy is mentally cold to you, the more you are on him. What's going on here?
There are several reasons for this:
Reason 1 In this world, people's motivations for finding love are always strange, and not all people are looking for true love to love each other. In fact, in this world, many people fall in love just to love themselves better.
There are many people who want to prove their worth through their partner's attitude towards us. For example, you need your partner to make you feel good and make you feel that you are loved.
And when your partner is cold to you, you feel like you're unloved. That's what you really can't accept.
That is, you can't do without a man, not because you love him, but because you are afraid that he will not love you. This is a very subtle logic, and many girls with shortcomings in their hearts can understand this feeling. Even sometimes it doesn't matter who the partner is, just like Xiaobai said, when the two people had a good relationship before, Xiaobai didn't feel that he loved each other very much. But once the other party wants to let go, Xiaobai will immediately feel that she is not loved, so she immediately becomes anxious.
If you also have such tendencies, the first thing you have to do is to regulate your heart. Learn to love yourself in the right way, and don't dictate all your feelings with other people's attitudes towards you. You have to know that in an intimate relationship, how much your partner loves you often depends on how much you love yourself. If you exhibit a trait that you are particularly afraid of not being loved, then your sense of worth in the eyes of your partner will become very low.
The second reason is the loss-making mentality
In love, if you are with a person, and both of you feel that you have earned each other, then your love will definitely go very far.
If, after the two of you are together, one of them feels that he is losing money, it means that he does not like you enough. Second, he feels that your sense of worth is a bit low.
A guy who suddenly snubbs you will make you feel that the guy thinks you have a low sense of worth.
If you happen to be a person who pays more attention to other people's attitudes, cares more about other people's judgments of you, and has low self-esteem, you will think that others think that your sense of value is low, so will this person's sense of value be higher than yours?
In this way, when the boy leaves, you will feel that the high-value person has left you, and you may lose money.
This kind of loss-making mentality is often expressed in emotions such as regret, fear of losing the other person, and so on.
The more unstable the core and the greater the emotional ups and downs, the more likely it is to feel at a loss when she falls out of love, and it is especially easy to subjectively raise the value of the person who took the initiative to leave when the other party leaves in style.
Therefore, if you are in a relationship, you will only go up when you break up or the other party is cold to you, it does not mean that you are born with masochistic tendencies, but that your heart is really unstable, and you may have a very immature imagination of love.