female
Recently watched the very popular drama "Heart Residence", in which the role of Feng Xiaoqin I have a new understanding of "full-time mother".
In the traditional concept, the key word for stay-at-home mothers is - great, selfless, they are good old people who would rather "sacrifice" themselves and become a whole family -
Every day he takes care of the trivial matters in great detail, and takes care of his husband and children single-mindedly.
But in "Heart Residence", Feng Xiaoqin, played by Haiqing, is a full-time mother with a shrewd calculation in her heart. She does pay a lot for the family, but she also cares about the exchange of benefits, household registration, house, money...
Such a she makes us feel pitiful and hateful.
But this more three-dimensional character image will also make the plight of stay-at-home mothers more real and deeper.
In fact, the biggest harm to full-time mothers in today's society is that after holding them on the altar, they must abandon their materialistic lusts. But moms are also human beings, they have their own joys and sorrows, they also care about financial interests, and they want to plan for their future.
In the play, Feng Xiaoqin pays for her husband Gu Lei's family, and at the same time calculates. She racked her brains to break through left and right, saying that she had exhausted the heartache of her stay-at-home mother.
01
The first layer of plight for stay-at-home moms
There is no freedom
To tell the truth, Feng Xiaoqin's origin is not good.
She conceived and gave birth to her son at the age of 15, dropped out of school at the age of 16, and struggled in society. She has seen the opportunistic appearance of people at the bottom of society, and she has also found out the method of "ascending to the top".
She had no money, no education, and no idea of working hard to make money. Marrying a Shanghainese and taking a Shanghai hukou is the fastest way for her to make a class jump.
But things, how can it be so easy. Rich and capable Shanghai men look down on her, and she can only be tall in the short.
Just by "trapping" Gu Lei, she spent a lot of effort.
Gu Lei is disabled, slightly lame, and eight years older than her. He is also a veritable "sister treasure man", he has no opinion and no ability, all rely on his sister who has a career to pull it.
Feng Xiaoqin married into Gu Lei's family by getting pregnant before marriage, and got the Shanghai hukou that she had in mind. But she did not expect that the marriage certificate would become a deed of sale.
After marriage, Feng Xiaoqin and Gu Lei's grandparents lived together for four generations, from morning to night, almost without a moment of relaxation. Making breakfast and getting the whole family up, these two seemingly simple things, as a mother know how torturous it is.
Breakfast should take care of the taste of the family, children love to eat fried, the elderly should drink porridge. What can be done? Do it all.
I have to wake up eight hundred times, while staring at the child brushing his teeth and washing his face, he also has to answer the husband's three consecutive questions: "Wife, where is my white shirt?" Where is the wallet? Where is the watch? ”
It was hard to send my husband and children out of the house, and I didn't have my own time. Even if he had done all the housework, Feng Xiaoqin, who lived with the old man, had to look at the faces of the elders when he went out.
She is not so much a daughter-in-law as a nanny. But the nanny in Shanghai at least has a decent salary, and Feng Xiaoqin's day and night work is taken for granted.
Seeing that her son was about to enter junior high school, she wanted to buy a school district house. On the one hand, it is to make plans for my son, on the other hand, I want to be more free, have my own small family, and live my own small life.
But the contradiction is that the Gu family not only feels that she has no ability, but also really can't do without her. They had long been accustomed to her worrying about everything and had been raised as "giant babies".
After an argument with her husband, Feng Xiaoqin ran away from home in anger. In just one day, the home was chaotic:
Grandma didn't know what medicine to take, and Dad was busy making breakfast;
Seeing that his son was about to be late, Gu Lei found that his mobile phone had forgotten to bring;
He hurried back to get it, but broke his thumb.
I wanted to hang them for a few more days, but everyone knew that whoever was softer would compromise.
And the stay-at-home mothers in real life are also like Feng Xiaoqin.
In a soft heart again and again, he reluctantly gave up his time freedom and freedom of travel, and exchanged his grievances for peace.
02
The second layer of plight for stay-at-home moms
Not valued
As a full-time mother for more than ten years, Feng Xiaoqin saved 30,000 yuan. This is a bit shabby and ridiculous in front of the 2 million school district houses.
Many people complained that Feng Xiaoqin's sister (Gu Lei's sister Gu Qingyu) bought a house, but she did not think of a way before borrowing money.
Husband Gu Lei's salary is low, and it is impossible to buy a house. She signed up for her husband's accounting qualification examination class and accounting English class, hoping that her husband could earn more money and the couple would be independent as soon as possible.
But her husband's heart was not at all with her.
Feng Xiaoqin's family was poor and had never felt safe. She is used to making plans for herself and living a more secure life.
And Gu Lei, with the love of his parents and the help of his sister who earns tens of millions of dollars, obviously has his own small family, but he can still hide in the old house under the connivance of his family.
Whenever it was time to go to class, he secretly went to the Internet café to play games and watch movies, and did not take Feng Xiaoqin's advice to heart at all.
Her husband did not respect her, and the in-laws were also wary of her.
When Feng Xiaoqin solemnly said her plan to buy a house, the first reaction of the in-laws was to close the door and secretly hold a small meeting, treating Feng Xiaoqin as an outsider.
The husband said: "It doesn't matter if I buy it or not, I have a place to live anyway." ”
His sister reminded him that he could not add Feng Xiaoqin's name to the property deed.
Even the seven aunts and eight aunts took turns to dissuade them: "Let's not say that it takes a lot of money to buy a house, do you want to leave the two old people at home?" What should they do? ”
All in all, in the eyes of the in-laws, it is natural for the daughter-in-law to serve with all her heart, and to make a request is to make unreasonable trouble. Not being taken seriously has always been the dilemma of stay-at-home mothers.
Their task is to do housework with the children, but people will accuse her: "You can only do small things, you can't take on big things." ”
When they squeezed out time to learn and improve, and when they wanted to participate in the family, people doubted her: "Why is she suddenly so active, is she calculating something?" ”
Over time, stay-at-home mothers, even themselves, began to doubt their self-worth until they accepted the fate of doing nothing.
A psychologist once said that through observation, she found that in China, it takes about three years to go from a sweet full-time housewife to a collapsed desperate housewife.
This happens to be the stage when the child passes through the infancy period and can be raised to kindergarten, and it is also the limit of a family's endurance to run out of food.
Among them, the one who bears the most psychological pressure at home is not the one who earns money outside to support the family, but the one who is at home full-time.
It may be because of the shame of knowing the economic pressure but not earning anything;
Or maybe they're tired of the chores that see no end in sight and have no rewards at all;
And the most defeating of a stay-at-home mother is purely because the partner can not agree with this effort, full-time at home has become synonymous with failure.
Just like in the TV series, Feng Xiaoqin, who regards marriage as a means of class crossing, must not have expected that she seemed to have crossed the class, but she was actually trapped at home.
03
The third layer of plight of stay-at-home moms
No Plan B
However, life played another joke on her.
Gu Lei died in an accident, and Feng Xiaoqin became a widow.
Becoming a stay-at-home mom means that there is no Plan B in life, and all she can rely on is her husband. If the husband is promoted and raised, he will be able to have more money on hand. If the husband has an accident, they immediately lose their financial resources.
Feng Xiaoqin has been away from the workplace for too long, and almost no one wants to hire her. She can only rely on delivering takeaways and providing for her children.
The delivery of takeaways is overtime, and she has to suffer from the blank eyes of customers;
The bicycle was hit and did not pick up the child from school in time, and she had to be pointed out by her in-laws.
There is a very poignant scene in the play: Feng Xiaoqin finishes delivering takeaways and sits on the side of the road to rest, while she copes with lunch while talking to her parents on the phone.
When her mother asked her how she had been doing lately, she could only hold back her tears and say".
Not having Plan B means starting from scratch and not being understood.
But from the moment she decided to leave again, the world of full-time mother Feng Xiaoqin had already penetrated into a light.
Later, Feng Xiaoqin and her friends successfully opened a nursing home, and she finally did not have to live the days of looking at her in-laws' faces, nor did she have to deliver takeaways in the wind and rain.
The nights and sufferings that were originally stayed up have become the rewards of the years.
A woman who can be a full-time mother will also be able to shine in the workplace.
04
Today, many people also ask women the question of "choose a career or a family".
In fact, how mothers choose should not become the focus of everyone's attention.
Because, stay-at-home mothers and working mothers have never been two opposing groups, and no one is good or bad.
The determination and strength of stay-at-home mothers, their requirements for themselves, and their pursuit of life possibilities have long exceeded our imagination.
We shouldn't even define them in terms of stereotypical terms like "stay-at-home moms."
Because, no matter where her battlefield is, as long as she is a woman who is trying to live, she deserves our respect.
*The pictures in the text are from the film and television drama "Heart Residence", the copyright belongs to the original author, if you have any questions, please contact us in time to deal with it
Author: Lee Er Er
This article only represents the author's personal views, the copyright belongs to Hong En, reprint please leave a message.
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