After the breakup, you should do it more than scolding the scumbag.

*Title Source: Question 2 of this issue

Get started with new powder

Question 1

Keywords: important choices in life

Female student 94 years, height 160, weight 60kg, annual income before tax 28,985 master's degree, home in the countryside;

Boy 89 years, height 170, weight 68kg, 211 books, entrepreneurship, annual income instability, small house + car, hometown rural areas;

I have known each other for almost 3 years on a hike (my family privately told me that I would get married this year, and I would not drag it out without a knot), and I was very entangled in my heart, for the following reasons:

1, the character of others is reliable, the appearance does not look like a kind aspect, but the heart is actually very positive, treat employees and colleagues very well, would rather suffer a little loss themselves will also generously give profits to colleagues, compassionate, pattern cognition can also be, the family is also very responsible;

2, I struggle with two aspects, one is the economic problem, business fluctuations are very large, in essence, I am a conservative person, although I hope that I invest in potential stocks, but if not, I think life will be more difficult;

The second is my own career development, if I get married, this year will be ready to have children, I want to jump ship to seek better treatment (he needs me to stay in the current company stable), and the economy is not stable enough (his business is not stable enough) under the child is not good, so I should suffer a lot;

While telling myself that I was rational and very emotional, I would usually nag him, but he was more convincing, and the comfort passed again. Sister Doll, I am so entangled, I look forward to your suggestions!

answer

You say that you are essentially a conservative person who wants to invest in potential stocks.

But if you are essentially a conservative person, you will not choose potential stocks from the beginning.

Choosing potential stocks is a bet that the other party has a future leap forward. And people who are conservative in nature will choose a safe person to marry, not to seek great wealth and nobility, but to seek peace and smoothness. You want to be conservative and want to bet, like a gambler on the table, but say I just want to win and don't want to lose, want high returns and don't want high risks, is this possible?

As for your desire to jump ship for better treatment, I don't know what career you are currently engaged in (you did not mention it in the article), nor do I know whether your current career has prospects, and after two years it will be stable and unstable, so it is not good to give advice. However, looking at your current pre-tax treatment of 28, combined with the current environment, it is better not to jump ship.

If you consider getting married and having children in these two years, then the old company may still be tolerant of old feelings during pregnancy and pregnancy, and the environment for new work may not be so friendly. Pregnant women can't be desperate, and if you can't create the same performance as others, you may lose this job.

Your two problems are important choices at the fork in the road in life, but this kind of problem you come to vote for an online free channel, not necessarily drawn, professionally do not explain any situation, indicating that you do not see the problem is not clear, do not know how to stand in the other side's point of view, the cognition of people and things may have a certain deviation. Thinking along this line of thought, your vision may not be so good, betting on potential stocks may not be able to succeed, it is better to think about how to be safe. The future is to rely on their own hands to spell out, rely on gambling, the probability is to lose the bottom.

Then again, although I am more supportive of you to make sound decisions, you are naturally a person who does not have enough resources and wants to beat a bicycle to become a motorcycle, and it is so considered to change jobs, and it is also so considered to choose a husband. Meet on foot, the other party is very convincing... I don't know what to say... This is your nature, it will not be changed if you plant a big place, and I will not be of much use in persuading you, but I can only wish you good luck.

Question 2

(Source of the title of this issue)

Keywords: ex-boyfriend

Doll, my ex-boyfriend found a rich only daughter to marry last year, from 13 to 17 years and he talked for 5 years, not as long as the time of others, just because he did not want to buy a house to pay off the mortgage, doll, is he a scumbag?

I understand that you came to submit the article in the hope that we will scold you for a scumbag, and then you will be happier in your heart. Scumbags we can scold, but there is no point, it will only waste the time of you, me and all the spectators. Now for you, the most important thing to do is to clean up your mood and completely cut off this past. You see, the other party has gone, even better, how "smart" he is. Only you are stuck in the past, wasting your best mate selection period.

Here, I also advise other girls who are frustrated because of their lost love to learn a man's emotional rationality. It is okay to be sad to be in love, it is okay to be sad to come out, and do not enter the whirlpool of negative emotions. It doesn't matter if you break up, just look for it again. If you can't get out of this relationship, or even be delayed by your own demons to choose a mate in the future, it is that you don't let yourself go.

Let's say again, if the other party leaves you to find a better one, it means that you were high climbing before. Men and women are the same.

Question 3

Keywords: balance career and family

Hello beautiful and wise doll sister. How do women balance career and family?

Male 32 years old 170cm 70KG alone, stone male, annual income 15W second-tier provincial capital city 1 suite (he also mortgage) wrote our two names, parents civil servant retirement, help with the baby.

Female 31 years old 165cm 50KG non-alone, annual income 20W, has a brother. Parents are ordinary migrant workers, and the family conditions are worse than those of the man. Self-evaluation in the middle, in the effort to lose weight to improve MV.

Married for 5 years, the son is 3 years old, looks very similar to the husband, the husband is very good to me, very loving, the mother-in-law has a high emotional intelligence, very good to get along with, and the family relationship is very harmonious. We have been working in first-tier cities before, and my in-laws have also followed us to help with the baby.

In November last year, his job was transferred back to his hometown, and his children and in-laws also went back with him, and he hoped that I would go back as soon as possible. But I started my business with a few friends last May, and I invested 30W, and my husband was also supportive at the time. Now my husband wants me to go back

One is that he hopes that the family can be together, and the other is that he feels that I don't make much money in this entrepreneurial project, and it is better to go back to work. Should I give up my entrepreneurial project and go back to my hometown?

When I first started my business, I signed a contract and could not withdraw my shares within 3 years of entering the shares.

You ask "how do women balance career and family", so let's look at your family and career separately.

First of all, your family, "my husband is very good to me, very loving, my mother-in-law has a high emotional intelligence, it is very good to get along, the family relationship is very harmonious", the house has added your name, and the in-laws have been following you to help with the baby... Whether in the relationship between husband and wife or in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, you are treated very highly.

Looking at your career, "I started starting a business with a few friends last May", on the one hand, this project has just started for more than half a year, it is still in its infancy, it has not yet brought you a very tangible return, and whether the follow-up success cannot be guaranteed; on the other hand, your husband is not optimistic about your entrepreneurial project, thinking that even if the business is successful, there is not much money.

That is to say, your husband's support for your career is more out of love and respect for you, and I hope you can be happy. But in terms of his heart, he didn't think it was a good project. In other words, your career has been consuming your husband's affection for you.

Now that it is the fork in the road between family and career, your husband has clearly expressed his true opinion, hoping that you can give up this entrepreneurial project and return to the family.

The criterion for women to take care of their career and family is to choose the family if the family is good, and to choose the career if the career is good. The situation you are currently facing is that the family is good, the family gives you parenting investment, gives you support, gives you love, and chooses the family. Although you will lose 300,000 yuan at the moment, compared with the long-term stability of the family and the parental investment of your husband and in-laws in the next few decades, this 300,000 is really insignificant.

Talk to your partner and see how to minimize the losses for both of you. Not to withdraw shares is just a statement, you are willing to ask for less money can definitely solve.

Arrange things as soon as possible and go home with your husband, live with the family and Meimei, and then wait for the right opportunity to make money, you have the ability, someone to support, and funds, life is very long, good opportunities are more, not this time. Now is the era of y love, and it is easier for a family to get through it together.

Old powder advanced

Question 4

Keywords: derailment

Thanks to sister doll for your advice.

I am 31 years old 170/65kg alone 14w

He is 30 years old 180/110kg non-solitary half-brother 70w+, both in Beijing.

The daughter is ten months old, planning a second child and a property replacement.

High school love graduation married. He is a single-parent low-income family, has never seen his birth mother and grandmother raised, poor kinship, has worked hard to operate but has not improved, and has been disconnected for nearly a year.

I was the usual grown-up in the family, and the conditions were average but harmonious and loving. He does not smoke or drink, loves fitness and literature, tattoos my daughter on my left breast, tattoos on his shoulders, and has strong working ability. I have average ability, no special skills, strong control, stable work and no development.

Feelings like sticking together, love began to take the initiative to hand over the financial power, but I don't care about his consumption, watching dolls together, he said many times that my PU is extremely high, I don't think so, he still provides me with love prices. I used to say that he was so perfect must be something unusual I didn't find.

During pregnancy (X life is normal) found that he had paid dating software, but also in the mobile phone and other women to send "mo mo" I did not expect to tease him at all, he panicked and snatched the mobile phone said that it was the most vulnerable side of his heart that did not let me see but explained that it was a WeChat scammer, he vented his emotions to the scammer for the sake of small family harmony, I knew that the choice was low and did not look at the phone, after a few weeks asked him if he had cheated, answer no.

He said that he felt anxious and afraid of being alone with his daughter, consulted a psychologist, I began to reflect on the lowering of the PU, and now he said that my PU has dropped to the ground, anxiety is obviously alleviated and I am willing to play with my daughter.

ask:

Is my marriage in danger? What do you do to make your marriage better? Change jobs to earn more money or return to the family full-time?

Group photo for hiding

You are also too big in your heart, the perception is so low that the stone hammer is placed in front of your eyes and you don't care, it is really rare.

You said to look at our account together, my husband said many times that your CPU is extremely high and do not think so, so what are you looking at? Tu Yi Le? So many cases did not give you a little wake-up call, is the essence all for your husband to learn?

Your husband "he does not smoke and drink love fitness love literature, tattoo me tattooed on the left breast daughter tattooed on the shoulder" This is a cut, "strong work ability" This is cloth, can cloth why cut, he could have comfortably made a cut cloth man, but your demand for emotional value is so great, so that he can only cut you, providing you with a lot of emotional value.

"I often say that he is so perfect must be something abnormal I did not find"

This is your subconscious has been aware of the problem, follow-up should not press the table, careful observation, to find out the real appearance of this relationship.

But you "often say" that you want to say it, isn't this obviously asking for emotional value with the other party and asking him to show loyalty? Your subsequent reactions are also guiding him to deceive you, "I know that the right to choose is low, I did not look at the mobile phone, and after a few weeks I asked him if he had cheated, and the answer was no", will men take the initiative to tell you that I am cheating, come and be angry with me?

Faced with a woman asking "Have you cheated?" "99% of men, would answer no. Part of it may be that there really isn't, and part of it is that he has, but he doesn't want you to know and wants to keep this peaceful day. So don't feel like if you asked him no, then he just didn't.

Anyone with a discerning eye can see that he has 100% of it.

If there is a man in the world who frankly tells you that he is cheating, it not only means that he is cheating, it means that he is going to mess up. Is it to make you accept it, and to leave if you can't accept it, do you have to go to this point to realize that he is cheating?

Your appeal is to make the marriage better, to show that you feel good now and want to be better. But the real look of the relationship is that you are teetering on the brink of being out and still self-brainwashing the other person to be nice to you and love you very much. The love you can receive is not a normal way for a man to show affection to a woman, but he has to tattoo you and his daughter on his body before you can feel his heart. But this level of emotional value is toxic, and blind craving will make you only want to eat poison in the future, and you will never be able to eat normal meals again.

The degree to which you demand emotional value, you can get marriage, rather than being short-chosen all the way, is a great blessing in life, and it is not realistic to want to get single-mindedness. You say that your ability is average, which means that you can't go the road of female cloth and men cutting you pay for each other and not divorcing, if your husband develops in the future, it is sooner or later to change people.

So if you want to keep your marriage, you can only return to your family first. Just keeping the PU low is not enough, if you can regenerate a child to increase the stone, you can let him go home and have a hot meal to eat, the family things are not bad, let him work outside without worries, then he can get closer to the cloth cut man, in the future you are at home, and the child's parenting investment, can be guaranteed.

You have to know that with your ability, even if you improve your stone nature, you are very reluctant to keep the marriage, and if you want to be single-minded, it is basically equal to impossible. It is better to do what you can do first, and then step by step.

Question 5

Keywords: scissor son-in-law

Dear baby sister and little assistants, female (154cm/48kg, annual salary 40w), male (173cm/80kg, annual salary 50w+, with a car and a house).

My husband and I have a relatively large difference in family conditions, the income of the two of us is to live a good life in the second-tier city town, but my original family asset A10, usually my parents bear most of the living costs, 3 aunts in the family.

I am very satisfied with my husband's self-motivation, thoughtfulness, and love for children (the child was born to me and my ex-husband), and the choice is almost at the top of the pyramid. His only shortcoming is that his original family is average, his parents are farmers, and he has 3 sisters, but the whole family is very kind and positive.

This year is the first Spring Festival after marriage, my parents as always gave our small family 7 figures for the festival fee, according to the normal family, it should be the younger generation filial piety to the elders (for example, he will give his parents 5 digits during the Spring Festival).

How are we going to deal with this? Does my husband need to pay the same amount of holiday fees to both parents?

I'm afraid that my big cloth parents will not accept it and say, "We don't care about this (small money), you still keep it for yourself." ”

I am well aware of the importance of lifting mv and lowering pu, but living in a big cloth family, how do I usually deal with it so that my husband can continue to be partial to the stone and not cut too much?

Thank you baby sister and little assistant, hard to see here.

It is difficult to let my husband continue to be partial to the stone and not to cut too much. Your husband looks very sheared, not stone. If he were a stone, it would be difficult to accept raising your ex-husband's children, nor would he come to a family like yours, which is so much richer than him.

You want him to pay your parents for the holidays, which is not realistic. With your right to choose, you can't deny that he married you, in large part because of your background. To put it mildly, he came to your house, himself wants to struggle less for decades, let the family suffer less, when the stepfather helps others raise children also endured, the Spring Festival to give your parents 5 digits, it is a bit too much.

You must soberly realize that a man can not only not be dragged out of the original family, but also accept other people's children as his own children, and can make your whole family satisfied.

There is such a city government, you can take down the divorced girl with a child in the A10 family, can the divorced girl with no child in the A9 family take it? Can the first-married young girl of the A8 family win? In the future, if he earns A8 and A9 (unlikely) and sets off your A10, what are you going to do?

As long as you recognize that it is you who need the relationship more than he needs it, then many things you can know what to do.

Like you, the family conditions are particularly good, your PU is high, his family conditions are average, the parents have three sisters in the farm, he is likely to carry out kin-selection. The higher his income, the more it will flow out, so if he has investment in the family, such as giving money to his parents, or helping his sister's family and their children, you should not interfere, because this is a disguised reduction of your own PU, which can make your relationship more stable.

To put it bluntly, this relationship, you have to pay. This is your biggest advantage, this advantage is not used, it is equivalent to throwing away. In addition, don't expect his competition and income, let him love to do what he wants, as much as he wants to come. What you have to do is to have two more children with him later, stabilize the family, and increase the cost of him leaving the relationship, after all, you need him more, not that he needs you more.

The stony nature you see in him now is probably an illusion, and it is not realistic for him to keep him in this state all the time. You can only take one step at a time, and if you maintain it for a while, you will maintain it for a period of time.

In the end, girls' money is the same as boys' money, if you just take it out to let the other party listen, it is useless.