Children rebel, resist, disobey, the root cause is here, parents must see!

Source: New Oriental Family Education

As parents, we obviously want to let our children grow up healthy and happy, but why do we have hard work and hardships in exchange for the children's ignorance?

In fact, many parents misunderstand the word "discipline."

Discipline that is truly beneficial to the child is "as it is, not as you wish."

NO.01

Why is your discipline ineffective?

We all seem to take it for granted that discipline is what parents do for their children.

Under the social law that school education is likely to determine a child's future, "discipline" seems to mean that children learn more, better, and faster.

So we can see that many parents plan those items that are "beneficial" to their grades into their children's schedules, and then eliminate those "interference" items one by one.

However, what children really like may be the things that will "interfere" with learning in the eyes of their parents.

Perhaps the topic they're most interested in is the popular game project in the class, and the game only disgusts parents.

A fact that parents are reluctant to admit is that most children have no interest in learning.

The goal of parents is to let their children learn well, but the children's goals are not to learn well, they just want to get rid of the parents' control.

The contradiction is here, learning was originally a child's business, but now it has become a "task" for parents.

This is ineffective discipline.

Under this wrong parenting model, the child is only the embodiment of the problem, and the parent is the creator of the problem.

NO.02

Misinterpreted "discipline"

For young children, in addition to eating and sleeping, play is the most important thing.

Every child needs to play, and they can learn a lot from it.

However, from infancy to adolescence and then to adulthood, children must slowly change from play-oriented people to people who mainly study and work.

Obviously, such a transformation cannot be completed in an instant, it requires profound changes in the child's brain and mind.

However, too many parents know very little about this process.

Many people leave campus and discover the importance of learning.

However, when we teach our children with the mentality of "young and strong do not work hard to be sad for the old man", we will inevitably mix anxiety into it.

And the child's mind should not take on the pressure of life too early.

When the child is disobedient, many parents will feel that the disobedient child will really achieve nothing when he grows up.

But even if the child obeys discipline, he is only obedient in behavior.

Discipline should be a kind of guidance of behavioral habits and the cultivation of psychological qualities.

NO.03

Parents do a good job of self-management, which is the highest level of discipline

There is an old analogy in Western countries: taking care of children is like taking care of a garden, and being a parent is like being a gardener.

What gardeners provide for plants is nourishment, and we treat our children the same way.

Parent-child relationship is the foundation of all discipline

Everyone needs love from their parents that can give people confidence and strength.

The more love a child experiences, the more resilient he will have in the future in the face of a series of ups and downs such as long-term learning, the pressure of further education, and the harshness of his boss.

Severely accusing children not only destroys the parent-child relationship, but also fails to achieve the original intention of parental discipline.

When a child does not experience the love from the parents, then sooner or later, the child's behavior will inevitably be wrong.

Unconditional acceptance of your child's emotions

Seeing that the child has a problem and not caring about it, is such a parent irresponsible?

In fact, many parents do not use the method of discipline.

When children are no longer willing to communicate with us, it means that there is something wrong with our way of discipline.

Only when the child knows clearly that it is safe to admit his mistakes and weaknesses will he be willing to open up.

So what we have to do is acceptance, unconditional acceptance of all the emotions of the child.

Provide a safe field for children who are already having problems to find better solutions.

Believe in the child and grow up with the child

The ultimate goal of discipline should be to equip children with the ability to live independently and happily.

So the most senior discipline is to believe in children.

I believe that children can use their own strength to find their own way and live their lives well.

When the child is able to fully experience the love and support of his parents, he will be willing to embark on a path of self-development.

In any case, we must remember that the height of parents can affect children.

At the same time, this height can always be raised.

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