Everyone's life can not be smooth, there will always be experience of such and such suffering, but the degree is different, some suffering, just a small setback in life, can be crossed, but some suffering will cause great harm to people's body and mind, and even last a long time.
There are always such and such difficult moments in life, such as disappointment in loved ones, disappointment in work, or going through a painful marriage, etc., but when you really survive those difficult times, you will have a stronger heart and face the same or even more suffering and difficulties.
There are three kinds of suffering in life, if you have experienced them all, then you are no longer so afraid of loneliness, because you have experienced the hardest and loneliest moments, and you will not be easily defeated by some suffering in the future.
1 The bitterness of the original family
Each of us can't get rid of our original family, more or less will be affected by it, and not everyone's original family is happy.
Some people have experienced the suffering of their original families since they were young, have not received any love or respect since they were young, and have experienced what is called loneliness at a very young age.
The unhappiness of single-parent families, the impact of unhappy parents' marriages, the lonely personality of parents, cold violence, etc., not every family is complete and happy, most people's families are not harmonious, and there are various problems.
The so-called family has a difficult scripture, and the original family is unhappy, and the childhood is missing and lonely.
For example, Zhu Suosuo and Jiang Nansun in "Flowing Golden Years", they are not people with happy families, Zhu Suosuo has not had his own home since he was a child, and always lives in his uncle's house, and although Jiang Nansun was born in a wealthy family, he later experienced a family road, and he also owed a debt, his parents' marriage has always been disharmonious, his grandmother has favored sons over daughters, and she has not lived a good life.
Both of them actually hope to have a happy family, especially Zhu Suosuo, she is very eager to have a home of her own, so she is eager to find a loved one and start a family, which led to marrying the wrong person later, and she was not very happy.
People who have experienced the misfortune of the original family always want to escape from their original family, even their parents, but they actually have a child living in their hearts, longing for family affection, longing for love, and longing for a home.
It's just that this desire is a luxury, the more you desire the more you can't get it, the heart is very lonely, and people who have experienced this loneliness can experience this helplessness.
2 Suffering in emotional marriage
In addition to family affection, we also have to experience love or marriage, some people although the original family is not happy, but the feelings are still smooth, can meet a confidant lover, a person who understands himself, and can make up for what is missing in his heart.
For example, Cai Shaofen and Sun Li, they are all people who are not very happy in their original families, but later they have met their current husbands, Cai Shaofen and Zhang Jin, Sun Li and Deng Chao, who have always been a model couple in the entertainment industry, they have always been sweet and happy, and they have their own children, and they have established their own complete and happy family through their own efforts.
But some people's emotional road is not so smooth, stumbling all the way, always encountering people who are not ladylike, perhaps they do not have the wisdom to know people, perhaps they are unlucky, or they do not know how to manage feelings at all.
People who do not have smooth feelings will feel very lonely, a person who once loved and trusted them, but now they are like strangers, and even complaining or hating each other will gradually make people lose hope for love.
As the saying goes, meeting someone who makes you feel incredibly lonely is lonelier than real loneliness.
Although this feeling is painful, when you really get through that most difficult moment, when you have the courage to leave the person who made you miserable and made you lonely, your life will not be worse than before.
There is a saying in "The Island Bookstore": Perhaps, in everyone's life, there is the most painful year, which makes life beautiful and vast.
Survive the most difficult times, suffer from feelings or marriage, you will also become stronger, be able to face that lonely moment, a person can also live a very happy life, but also have a stronger heart to face the pain and difficulty in feelings, but also know how to learn lessons, learn how to get along with another person.
3 Suffering in the workplace and society
We all know that it is not easy to work workers, from job interviews to working overtime day after day, there will be all kinds of difficulties to face, but also encounter some big setbacks, this time you will feel very lonely.
In the workplace, you have no freedom at all, and even for a job or a project, and whisper, no dignity, may be criticized by the leader, not welcomed, may also be used, all your efforts are making wedding dresses for others, even you may not even find a job, interview countless times have been rejected, walking on the streets of the city, you will feel that there is no place for you in this city.
The workplace is like a battlefield, and it is necessary to talk about human feelings, relationships, and connections, but sometimes it can't be too emotional and pay too much attention to feelings, because it is easy to be hurt and used.
You always try to cater to others and help others, but in the end you are kicked away by others, and no one cares about the affection between you. Especially being abandoned by someone they trust incomparably, this feeling may only be understood by those who have experienced it.
The workplace is very ruthless, sometimes you will feel that this society is also very ruthless, most of us are ordinary ordinary people, no capital, no connections, no backers, just by themselves to work hard, it is really difficult, walking in society, must have experienced the beating of society.
Nowadays, no matter which industry is very competitive, if you have nothing, you can only rely on your own efforts to fight, and strive to improve your competitiveness, but there are people outside the people, many times you think that you are working hard, but in fact, your starting point is lower than others.
You set yourself a lot of goals and plans every day, and you work very hard every day, but sometimes your efforts and efforts do not get the expected results, and in the end you will be disappointed, you will feel that it is difficult to live, and you will feel extremely lonely.
Life is difficult, but when you can gradually calm your mind, no longer only focus on the results, but choose to pay more attention to the process, no longer pay attention to gains and losses, and pay attention to growth, then you will slowly find that life is not so difficult, but you yourself have given yourself too much pressure.
"Desperate Housewives" also said: We all have desperate times, and when we survive, we will find out how strong we really are.
In fact, when you survive the most difficult period, you will become very strong, the more setbacks you encounter, the more things you experience, the less you will be afraid of the more challenges that this society will bring you.
The above three kinds of suffering, some people have only experienced one or two of them, and some people have experienced all three kinds, that is to say, they have been very disappointed in the original family, marriage, and the workplace, that feeling is really painful, especially when the three kinds torture you together, you will feel that you are very lonely, no one is around you, and even lose hope in life, people who are not strong-willed may be born lightly.
No matter which one or more you have experienced, you must believe that after surviving, you will become stronger, braver, and no longer afraid of loneliness.
Nietzsche said: Whatever kills you will make you stronger.
Whether it is in the face of work, life, or their relatives and lovers, there are always times of disappointment and loss, and even some things are irreparable and changeable, if there is some suffering, it must be experienced, some loneliness, must be endured, then choose to accept it.
When you have endured everything, your ability to be frustrated and psychologically endowed will become stronger and stronger, which is also a kind of growth, and you will also understand more and more that the only person who knows you best in this world is yourself, as long as you make yourself strong, you will not be afraid of anything.
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Text/Jane Eyre's Window Photo/Pixabay
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About the author: A native of the south, a native of the south, writes a heart-wrenching article with simple words, and talks about emotions and growth with you.