Curator, Writer / Two Dogs, Miranda
Professional support / Miranda
Editors / KY Creators
*The scene in this article is heterosexual*
Two days ago, I saw a discussion on Douban:
"Why do the couples around me look like colossal figures?!"
In the reply, many people really exploded.
Some people say that this phenomenon has little to do with the shape of the face and the facial features, and that the longer they are together, the longer they become, the more similar they become.
"Is this the so-called 'husband and wife'?"
Although not everyone has had a similar experience, the term "husband and wife" is not unfamiliar to us at all.
For example, Deng Chao and Sun Li, a model couple in the entertainment industry and still sprinkling sugar in a high profile after eleven years of marriage, often receive fans and passers-by to marvel at their "longer and more alike":
When many people sniff CP, they will also take the husband and wife as a "snorting point" to prove that both parties are born as a couple.
For a long time, the husband and wife have not only been used as a expression of "appearance and appearance" between couples, but also as a symbol of the good emotional condition between partners, which has been envisioned by people.
So, does the "husband and wife phase" really exist? Does having a husband and wife mean that both parties have a good relationship? If I haven't met someone who is married to me, does that mean that my fate has not yet arrived?
Today, let's talk to you about the science of "husband and wife".
First, to answer the question posed at the beginning of the article:
Don't hesitate, don't doubt. There is indeed such a thing as a "couple face" in life.
There have been quite a few studies that suggest that couples have a higher degree of facial similarity than randomly paired strangers (Griffiths and Kunz, 1973; Zajonc et al., 1987; Hinsz, 1989）。 This is what we usually call the most intuitive "husband and wife".
How exactly does this happen?
The first reason is actually... We really chose someone who had a similar face to us as a partner.
In fact, people's aesthetics will be biased towards faces similar to their own. The faces of actors and idols that many people like are exquisite and idealized versions of their own looks.
In 2013, three scientists from the UK conducted an experiment:
They gathered 20 couples, took photos of each person separately, and deformed to varying degrees according to each person's face ps, so that the couples could rate the attractiveness of the photos after the ps.
It turns out that even when there are beautiful male and female options, the most attractive thing for us is still the face that looks the most like ours (Laeng et al., 2013)! (Click to read Is the essence of human beings chromatic?) ）
Why? Could it be that the essence of human beings is narcissist?
In fact, we tend to choose people who look like us as partners, and another important reason is because of our instinct to live and reproduce (Rushton & Bons, 2005).
Recall that when we were young, we often heard discussions between elders about "who the child is like" - the implication is that the genes of the two parents are more inherited by the child.
As we all know, a person's appearance is largely determined by his genes. Choosing people with similar shapes as partners can make the gene pool of the next generation shallower. Thus weakening the "competitive relationship" between the genes of both parents.
Therefore, in order to reproduce our own genes, we will naturally find people with similar genes (who look like) as our partners (Domingue et al., 2014).
Finally, choosing a partner based on similarity in appearance is actually how we find someone who fits our personality.
Although "born of the heart" sounds very metaphysical, in fact, we can indeed judge a person's personality from the appearance of a person, and the accuracy rate is not low (Norman, 1963).
Some researchers have compared two groups of people with rectangular faces and short round faces. It turned out that people with long and angular faces were more enthusiastic, determined, and sincere, while those with shorter, rounder faces were more restrained, submissive, and relatively shrewd (Squier & Mew, 1981).
Researchers believe that changes in the structure of facial muscles can alter our emotional state. Long-term and repetitive facial movements will give us a more fixed appearance.
When we don't know each other well, we first judge each other's personality by their faces (Little & Perrett, 2007). If the other person is similar to our personality, we will be more likely to see them as the same kind, and the two parties will be more inclined to choose each other (Koudenburg et al., 2014).
Studies have shown that when partners are more compatible in terms of friendliness and extroversion, they are also more satisfied with their relationships (Botwin et al., 1997).
However, in life, we will also find that some couples obviously do not have so similar facial features, but slowly they will give people more and more husband and wife feelings.
This brings us to another kind of acquired situation of forming a husband and wife -
Another kind of "husband and wife" is not so related to the appearance of both partners themselves.
Some couples may not have the same original facial features. However, we will feel that the two have a sense of matching because "the temperament of both sides is very compatible".
On the one hand, due to similar eating habits, living areas, and emotional tendencies, the faces of the two people tend to be similar (Zajonc et al., 1987); on the other hand, it is due to the role of "empathetic mimicry".
Although we often say that "human sorrow and joy are not the same", we can indeed judge a person's emotions based on the structure of their facial muscles.
When we see a partner exuding a certain emotion, we also subconsciously imitate the facial expression of the other party and convert this emotion to ourselves. Such a process is called empathy imitation.
Studies have shown that couples who live together for a long time are more likely to accurately observe each other's emotions and are also more likely to produce empathetic imitations (Holland et al., 2020).
Long-term emotional exposure and empathy imitation can gradually change the direction of our facial muscles. Even if we don't have the same facial features as our partner, we're more likely to have similar behaviors and looks. Gradually, it will give people a feeling of "two people are similar".
Since empathy imitation requires the experience of living together for a long time, as well as the ability and willingness of both partners to pay attention to understanding each other, from this point of view, the couple can indeed serve as a symbol of good feelings between partners.
Not only in China, but in many cultures around the world, husband and wife are considered to be a symbol of good feelings between husband and wife. So, is the "husband and wife = good feelings" thing really true?
Indeed, in most experiments and surveys, the similarity of couples' physical appearances is clearly positively correlated with the length of their relationship. However, the reality does not seem to be as simple as it seems.
Brad Pitt, for example, seems to have the superpower of having a conjugal relationship with every girlfriend...
△ But in the end, they were BE
Gaunt did a very comprehensive survey of couples' similarities in 2006. He gathered 248 married heterosexual couples to survey their comprehensive resumes (including three views, personality traits, family roles, social status, emotions, and marital satisfaction).
The results showed that in couples with high relationship satisfaction, no significant physical similarities were observed. The similarity of personality traits and concepts between the two parties is more important than whether the appearance of the husband and wife is similar.
Moreover, couples do not succeed in predicting the future development of the relationship and whether the relationship will be good or bad.
That is to say: conjugal relationships are not a direct result of high satisfaction with intimate relationships. Long-term empathy and personality similarities are the reasons that really point to good intimate relationships.
As for the husband and wife, it may just be one of the wonderful coincidences.
After all, the public figures who cross the face can go more...
△ "Beauty, Beauty, Ingenuity, And Great Award"
The sweetness attributed to foreign objects is often like a bubble, and there is no specific "standard" that can define the feelings between you - couples with husband and wife will also break up; lovers without husband and wife can also be long-lasting.
If you want a relationship to be long and tenacious, the most important thing is always the commitment and intimacy between partners, and the management and effort you are willing to pay for each other's relationship.
△ 2016. Japanese drama "Escape is shameful but useful"
Interaction Today: Have you ever met a couple with a husband and wife? In your perception, what does husband and wife mean in a relationship? Come to the message area and let me know.~
Have you ever met a partner with a "husband and wife"?
Do you think that "husband and wife" is a symbol of good feelings?
In life, what other characteristics do you think are "husband and wife"?
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Come and share with KYers what you see as "husband and wife"
References：
Squier, R. W., & Mew, J. R. C. (1981). The relationship between facial structure and personality characteristics. British Journal of Social Psychology,20(3), 151–160.
Alvarez, L., & Jaffe, K. (2004). Narcissism Guides Mate Selection: Humans Mate Assortatively, as Revealed by Facial Resemblance, following an Algorithm of “Self Seeking Like.” Evolutionary Psychology, 2(1), 147470490400200.
Botwin, M. D., Buss, D. M., & Shackelford, T. K. (1997). Personality and Mate Preferences: Five Factors In Mate Selection and Marital Satisfaction.Journal of Personality,65(1), 107–136.
Domingue, B. W., Fletcher, J., Conley, D., & Boardman, J. D. (2014). Genetic and educational assortative mating among US adults. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences,111(22), 7996–8000.
Gaunt, R. (2006). Couple Similarity and Marital Satisfaction: Are Similar Spouses Happier? Journal of Personality,74(5), 1401–1420.
Hinsz, V. B. (1989). Facial Resemblance in Engaged and Married Couples.Journal of Social and Personal Relationships,6(2), 223–229.
Holland, A. C., O’Connell, G., & Dziobek, I. (2020). Facial mimicry, empathy, and emotion recognition: a meta-analysis of correlations. Cognition and Emotion, 35(1), 150–168.
Kocsor, F., Rezneki, R., Juhász, S., & Bereczkei, T. (2011). Preference for Facial Self-Resemblance and Attractiveness in Human Mate Choice.Archives of Sexual Behavior, 40(6), 1263–1270.
Koudenburg, N., Gordijn, E. H., & Postmes, T. (2014). “More Than Words.” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 40(11), 1517–1528.
Laeng, B., Vermeer, O., & Sulutvedt, U. (2013). Is Beauty in the Face of the Beholder? PLoS ONE, 8(7), e68395.
Little, A. C., & Perrett, D. I. (2007). Using composite images to assess accuracy in personality attribution to faces. British Journal of Psychology, 98(1), 111–126.
Norman, W. T. (1963). Toward an adequate taxonomy of personality attributes: Replicated factor structure in peer nominated personality ratings. Journal of Abnormal and Social Psychology, 66, 574–583.
Rushton, J. P., & Bons, T. A. (2005). Mate Choice and Friendship in Twins: Evidence for Genetic Similarity.Psychological Science, 16(7), 555–559.
Youyou, W., Stillwell, D., Schwartz, H. A., & Kosinski, M. (2017). Birds of a Feather Do Flock Together.Psychological Science, 28(3), 276–284.
Zajonc, R. B., Adelmann, P. K., Murphy, S. T., & Niedenthal, P. M. (1987). Convergence in the physical appearance of spouses. Motivation and Emotion, 11(4), 335-346.