1. An upstart driver drove Chery to the Maybach 4S store, pointed to a Maybach and asked: How much does this car cost? The manager ran over and said: 2 million! Upstart: Well, I bought it, money

1. An upstart driver drove Chery to the Maybach 4S store, pointed to a Maybach and asked: How much does this car cost? The manager ran over and said: 2 million! Upstart: Okay, I bought it, the money is in the car, and you tell people to count themselves.

The nouveau riche removed 9 sacks of steel from the car, and all the staff counted for 15 hours. The manager said to the rich family: Sorry sir, the money is not enough, there are only 1.2 million 3604 yuan here.

The upstart was surprised and said: Ah, not enough, then I will not buy! After leaving, the upstart called his daughter-in-law and said: Your method of counting money is really good!

2. Day and a female colleague went to the hotel to open the room, finished she went to take a shower, then her mobile phone rang, I don't think much to answer directly, after the answer to react is her husband. Witty I said: "Is it your mobile phone, I have been waiting for an hour, now people love to lose mobile phones!" Then his husband weakly replied, "Oh thank you." "Give me a thumbs up for my wit."

3. Grandma celebrated her 70th birthday at home. My brother invited several of his very good friends. After my mother said hello, my brother secretly pulled my mother and said, "There is my girlfriend among them, do you see it?" My mother gave my brother a blank look: "Is it the one who wears white clothes and has big waves of hair?" My brother instantly felt a little incredible: "How do you see it?" My mom sneered, "I don't feel good when I see her!" "Sure enough, the mother-in-law is the enemy of life...

4. Drink coffee when you are idle in the office, and you will often have a urinary emergency. Because I don't have the habit of bringing toilet paper, I often ask the female manager for toilet paper. One day, I was anxious again, just without paper, and came to the female manager again. Before I could open my mouth, the female manager had already taken out the toilet paper. I looked at it and smiled awkwardly. At this time, the female manager said: "We also have this common language, you have nothing else to do when you look for me." ”

5. Today when I went on a blind date, the young man looked quite white and looked more honest. We walked and talked, and by noon I was a little hungry. Then he walked to the KFC door, and he looked at me and said, "You're waiting for me here." "Then pushed the door in. This move added an extra point, very careful, knowing that I was hungry to buy me food. After 5 minutes, he came out and said to me, "I'm sorry, I just went to the bathroom!" ”

6. Today, I went to the Gucci counter with my husband to buy a bag, and I lost ten yuan when I paid. The husband bent down and picked up ten dollars, crying and saying: I haven't wiped the money for a long time! The salesman who sold the bag was stunned, and I immediately explained: Now it is all mobile phone payment. Or swipe your card, rarely use cash! After saying that, he calmly put the ten dollars in her husband's hand into the bag! I squeezed my husband's waist with my hand, and my husband immediately said: I will give you back when I come home!

7. Marrying a man who is 15 years older than himself with children is also very good to me. But the son did not have a very good relationship with him, and he was always lukewarm to him. In order to please his son, the husband personally took his son to the piano shop to practice. Today, the teacher of the piano shop said to her husband: "In the future, there will be another person at home to accompany you!" My husband: "What do you mean by that?" The teacher said mercilessly: "Because you are the only person in your family who can't read the score, you never pick a mistake!" ”

8. This year I had a summer vacation, and I was rejected by my mother after only 5 days at home. At night, when I went to bed, my mother asked me with contempt: "What are you doing with the quilt?" I said truthfully, "Cold." So my mother asked again: "Since it is cold, what are you doing with the air conditioner on?" I told the truth again: "Hot. Mom: "So your skin is itchy?" ” 

9. The husband returned early from a business trip, and just arrived at the door, heard the voice of a man in the bedroom, was very angry, and rushed into the bedroom in a panic.

Seeing his wife sitting on the bed alone in sweat, the husband angrily asked: What about people!

The wife replied breathlessly: Say... Say what, how can there be other people in this room.

Husband bedroom, living room, kitchen, bed bottom, wardrobe are all looked for again, sure enough on the windowsill found a figure, the husband kicked down, the wife later came in and said, "Hey, where did the master who repaired the air conditioner go?"?

10. There are 23 pairs of human chromosomes. One day, the old man who taught biology asked slowly, "How many chromosomes are right, students." A certain second cargo in the corner replied loudly: "64 pairs!" The old man nodded calmly and seriously, "Well, tell me now, what is your purpose in coming to Earth?" ”

11. When I was studying in Tongji, it was no exaggeration to say that I was a school grass and bully of public knowledge. This damn charm made many classmates have a crush on me. On this day, I was beaten up by a few outside the school, and I cried loudly in the classroom. At this time, the very ordinary-looking lesbian table kindly handed me a tissue. I was particularly touched and immediately hugged her and cried bitterly. Now twenty years later, she is my wife. Last night, my wife drank too much and told a shocking secret, and she was the one who was looking for someone to beat me!

12. My cousin's college entrance examination results came out, with 558 points, and the score line of one book was exactly 557 points.

The cousin was particularly excited, and immediately sent a circle of friends: "What a stroke of luck, the admission line is 557 points, I took the test 558 points!" ”

The uncle immediately commented: "Such a coincidence, my daughter also scored 558 points in the college entrance examination!" ”

The cousin was confused at the time and replied to her uncle: "Dad, do you have a daughter outside?" ”

13. The girlfriend is happy and accustomed to being alone, and after having a child, she becomes irritable and depressed, and cannot sleep all day. The doctor of the clinic advised her: "Because of your child, you are always worried and in a bad mood, I will prescribe you some tranquilizers, don't worry too much about your child, he will understand things slowly." About a month later, the clinic doctor met his girlfriend again. The doctor asked, "What is the effect of the medicine you took?" The girlfriend replied, "Well, it works very well." The doctor then asked, "What about your children, is there any progress?" Girlfriend: "Who cares about him, who cares who cares?" ”