I lived with my girlfriend for two years and went to her house to propose when I felt emotionally stable. I brought 5 soft Chinese, 5 boxes of Maotai and 600,000 cash. I didn't expect to bring so much, and my mother-in-law still didn't do it to me

I lived with my girlfriend for two years and went to her house to propose when I felt emotionally stable. I brought 5 soft Chinese, 5 boxes of Maotai and 600,000 cash. I didn't expect to bring so much, and my mother-in-law was still not satisfied with me. After dinner, when I came to my girlfriend's room and she was qingqing, my mother-in-law suddenly came in! She asked me: What are you doing? I replied: The air conditioning was broken. Mother-in-law: What does it have to do with the air conditioner breaking and you hugging together? I replied: It was warm!

2. Remembering an art class many years ago, the teacher asked us to draw the same table. I was very unhappy in that class because I drew the table very well. But she painted me so ugly that I thought she wasn't interesting enough. What makes me even more unhappy is that her painting received the highest score in the class because it was "very realistic".

3. The brother-in-law bought a three-bedroom and one-room apartment in Country Garden, which is recently being renovated. Yesterday I accompanied him to buy furniture, and the salesman sold a thirty-five-thousand sofa. The brother-in-law saw that the price was too expensive, and he was not willing to buy it. The salesman also said: When I look at the big brother next to me, he is the one who came over, and he can't sleep in bed every day after getting married. The brother-in-law looked at my panda eyes and said: Let's go, go and see the most expensive one!

4, the little uncle has been single for 36 years, today at noon to go to the mother-in-law's house to eat, the mother-in-law began to urge the little uncle to get married. The little uncle said: Mom, a male colleague of my company just talked about an object, his mother did not agree, he actually stole the household registration book and the object registered to get married, and his mother's heart disease was committed! The mother-in-law put down her chopsticks, stood up and pointed to the little uncle and said: My family's household registration book I have always been in your bedroom drawer, if you can find someone to register with you, I will immediately buy you a Maybach! After my mother-in-law said this, I was actually moved!

5, the little nephew is cold, the sister and brother-in-law took him to the hospital, the doctor said to drip, the sister called me to call me. I went with a confused look on my face and asked what was the matter? My sister and brother-in-law said: The little guy is not willing to prick needles, has been struggling and crying, we can't bear to look at it, and we don't want to be hated by him in the future. Come, you go in, hold your nephew for the needle! You guys

6, once, I went to the bathroom, just as the cleaning sister was mopping the floor. Me: "Oh, what about dragging?" Big sister: "Yeah, it's over." Me: "Oh, I'm embarrassed to drag it so clean." Big sister: "It's okay, you go up, there's nothing to be embarrassed about, come in." Me: "Then I'm not welcome." Big sister: "Nothing." You don't go up and someone else will go on

7, a classmate who has not been in contact for many years suddenly found me, wanted to borrow eight hundred yuan from me for emergency use, and vowed to repay it, let me borrow it quickly! I have long heard that his reputation is not very good, but I am embarrassed to refuse, I thought about it and said to him: This little thing is no problem, we are all old classmates, IOU vouchers do not need anything, you can directly give me a thousand security deposit on the line! The other party was silent for a long time, and came back to the sentence: Disturbed!

8, a customer goes to the bank to withdraw money, he wants to withdraw thirty-four thousand yuan, the bank gave thirty-six thousand yuan. The bank later found out and contacted the customer to say that he wanted him to return two thousand yuan, but the customer was not happy. The bank was in a hurry, and then it took the customer to court, and the customer said: "The bank can leave the counter without being responsible, and our customers can't leave the counter without being responsible?" ”

9, and I want to go on a blind date, the woman is my brother's cousin. Before the blind date, my buddy told me: My cousin especially values the first impression, and if she is more satisfied, she will talk to the other party; not satisfied! She asked directly if you have a car or a house? On the day of the blind date, my cousin looked at me for three seconds and said: Do you have a private jet?

10. Zhuge Liang was a man who was proficient in the Eight Arts of Qimen, one of which was ventriloquism. But he said that on this day Zhuge Liang was discussing with Liu Bei in the account, zhuge Liang suddenly wanted to fart, and he was afraid that Liu Bei would hear him, embarrassed. He had a clever move and said, "Lord, in order to adjust the atmosphere, how about I learn to call woodpeckers to you?" Liu Bei nodded. Zhuge Liang imitated the woodpecker and barked twice, and took the opportunity to let go of the fart. Then he asked, "How about the Lord?" Am I learning like no elephant? Liu Bei said, "You learn again, just now your farting sound is too loud, I didn't hear it."

1 Yesterday my brother took my sister-in-law out to buy bags, and as a result, my sister-in-law wanted to buy LV, and my brother said to buy Hermès, and the two quarreled. The brother calmed down and felt that he was wrong like a sister-in-law apologizing, and the sister-in-law did not want to bury her arms and cry all the time. The brother comforted for a while, the sister-in-law gave him a blank look, and the brother was a little impatient and turned away. The sister-in-law cried for a while, heard many people around her, looked up and saw people around her pointing at her. Looking down at his brother's affectionate message on the ground: "I was deceived by netizens, asking for ten dollars for a ticket to go home!!! ”

12, this month the cost of money seriously exceeded the standard, the girlfriend with a knife shouted to chop the hand, I quickly comforted her: honey, the money is gone can still be earned, the hand is gone is really gone, you can rest assured to buy me to pay money. She was satisfied to take the knife from my hand...

13, there are many children in the family, every time we buy something for us to buy several copies, so every Time the New Year can buy a new set of clothes. At that time, I was very precious to my clothes, and I wore them very carefully and cherished every time. When I buy new clothes, the clothes are still very new, and I think in my heart, when the time comes to buy another set, I will have two new sets of clothes! Several of my younger siblings were naughty and always got their clothes worn out early. Who knew that by that day, Mom and Dad would lead those younger siblings and I wouldn't have to buy them because the clothes were still new!

14, Grandpa is an honest man, people say he believes everything. Recently, the weather is dry and his skin is allergic, scratching here and there, bathing is useless, the more he washes, the more he scratches. When he went to the street to play cards, his card friend gave him an idea: "I have a folk remedy, go home and rub some leguo in the itchy place, and it will work." "Grandpa actually really believed, this rub directly into the hospital for a week!"