1, the first time I went to my boyfriend's house, I found that his parents seemed to be dissatisfied with me. I thought that I was going to be yellow anyway, and I couldn't come in vain, and at noon I tore a pot of pork head meat cooked by his house and dried it up. return

1, the first time I went to my boyfriend's house, I found that his parents seemed to be dissatisfied with me.

I thought that I was going to be yellow anyway, and I couldn't come in vain, and at noon I tore a pot of pork head meat cooked by his house and dried it up.

On the way back, I looked at my boyfriend sadly and said: Let's break up.

He looked surprised: Why? Our mother has a crush on you! Saying that we have hated her craftsmanship for so many years, no one has ever been able to eat her stewed meat so fragrant, so unspicious daughter-in-law ugly is ugly, admit it!

2, one day I drove my eighteen hands Wuling Hongguang to the gas station to refuel. I said to the salesman, "95 full" After a while, the salesman said, "Hello, 453 in total." At this time, my daughter-in-law said to the salesman: "Handsome man, wipe a zero, 450 line is not OK?" Me: "Daughter-in-law, don't be ashamed, you think this is buying vegetables?" Also bargaining! Daughter-in-law: "How do you know if it works without asking?" Me: "Don't ask, the gas station can bargain for me today crawling home!" Salesman: "Okay, then charge 450." ”

3. After the resignation of SF Express, he entered an electronics factory to work. Today, the female team leader gave me 800 yuan in cash and asked me to use Alipay to transfer it to her husband. I teased her: "Leader, you have managed your husband too strictly, how can a man go out to socialize with a thousand yuan?" She: "I have told him many times, each time the salary to leave himself 6,000 yuan for pocket money, the rest are hit on my card, he forgets every time, every time he transfers all the money to me." 」 "Well, she managed to show off her love and wealth in front of a single dog!"

4 The abbot is still vulgar, go directly to the blind date, the woman asked: Do you have a room? Abbot: I don't, but my son has a dozen villas. F: Do you have a car? Abbot: I don't, but my son's car can fill half the parking lot. Woman: So what do you do and what is your monthly income? Abbot: Hey, I don't have any job, I just get up early and count the pocket money my son gives me. Woman: So what do you want from me? Abbot: I am a relatively simple person, that is, you can give birth to such a son for me.

5 During the holidays, I took my wife on a trip to the Potala Palace. My wife kept shooting at the door, and I said, "Shoot more than electricity, and shoot again when you get to the ground." "After arriving at the scenic spot, I saw that the little sister of the scenic spot was very beautiful, so I asked my wife to take a picture of us."

After taking the pictures, I found that they were all my headshots.

I asked, "Why is it just me, those pretty little sisters?" The wife said seriously: "So many beautiful women, if they are photographed, how much electricity is spent!" "Then my teeth hurt!"

6 As a courier, this month paid 8,000 yuan salary. Because my salary was stuck in my daughter-in-law's place, the money had arrived, and my daughter-in-law immediately shopped online and bought a lot of things, and her salary was all spent. I said two words to her when I was not happy, and my daughter-in-law said: If I am frugal, you will regret it. Just the morning before yesterday, after I went to the toilet, my daughter-in-law shouted: "You have a mine at home, use five boxes of paper to go to the toilet, and pull it once a day in the future, and only use one piece of paper at a time." At noon yesterday, I was just about to take the second steamed bun, and my daughter-in-law shouted again: "Do you know how to be frugal?" Eat one more meal, three times a day, a year is 1098, equivalent to 450 yuan! ”

7 There is a performance art performer under the 7 sky bridge, who not only likes to perform, but also likes to study the I Ching, known as the magic of magic. I didn't believe in evil, so I went to ask the performer: How old do you count me? He said: Look at your crystal teeth, like 17 years old, look at your fluffy hair, have 16 years old, look at your twisted waist, at most 18 years old. I was amused: no nonsense, how old am I? Performer: Simple, please add up the three numbers I just said! I was taken aback: Big!! Shi Zhen is a god and a man!

8 The wife of the rich man does not go to work and buys online at home every day. That night, the wife handed the mobile phone to the rich man watching TV on the sofa: "Look at our family's shopping cart." "Don't look!" The rich man did not even turn his head and flatly refused. Mrs.: "Considering being a partner who still needs long-term cooperation and joint life for decades, has given you full right to know, but this is the amount you give up yourself ~" Rich: "Cut! It's as if the right to know can compete with the right to dominate! ”

9 When my brother got married, he asked me to be a groomsman, and when he arrived, the makeup artist asked me: Do you need to make up a little bit for you? I jokingly replied: I don't have to, in case I steal the limelight of the groom. At this time, the brother came over to the makeup artist and said solemnly: Let's give him a makeup. Otherwise, it would be even worse if someone would say that I deliberately invited an ugly person to set me off.

10 The chairman came to the branch to inspect, coinciding with the company's meeting and roll call, and decided to personally fight on a whim. "Zhang Tianhua" "To" "Half Haitao" "..."Du Haitao?" "Hello Chairman, my name is 'Mi Haitao'." The typist stepped forward quickly: "Chairman, I'm sorry, I made a mistake in this list." The chairman seriously criticized the typist for being sloppy in his work, asked him to go home and write a review, and praised Mi Haitao, who had courage, courage, and courage to correct the mistakes of the leader, and was a good employee who was decent. The next day, the typist was promoted to deputy manager of the personnel department because of his honest attitude and the ability to correct mistakes, while Mi Haitao was fired for entering the company first with his left foot and losing the praise of the chairman.

11 I found that my sister-in-law secretly added my WeChat, and I reported to my daughter-in-law for the first time, I said: "You see, this is not your sister's trumpet!" The daughter-in-law looked at it carefully and nodded. At this time, the message came over: "Brother, this is my trumpet, don't let my sister know, we will contact here later." Without waiting for me to speak, she said: "First transfer me 8,000 yuan, I will use it urgently, and I will return to you for benefits." The daughter-in-law saw the situation and directly grabbed my mobile phone and sent a voice: "Can you order a face, can you order a face, and you must pry my corner?" She quickly wrote back: "Brother, I misread you!" Cut, I wasn't wrong at all.

12 This year, the weather is very good, a little hot, and a group of elementary school students were seen on the side of the road going on an autumn tour. Children wear long-sleeved, short-sleeved, and one of them is a down jacket that Lolita actually wears. A little boy asked her: Why are you wearing a down jacket on such a hot day? She looked up at the sky at a 45-degree angle and said quietly: There is a kind of cold that Mom thinks you will be cold!

#Funny# #搞笑段子 #