1. The first time I went out with my boyfriend to catch up with the police, this cargo was crouched that did not dare to squeak, and the old woman was angry: "This is not a prostitute, what are you afraid of?" As a result, the police uncle was very

1. The first time I went out with my boyfriend to catch up with the police, this cargo was crouched that did not dare to squeak, and the old woman was angry: "This is not a prostitute, what are you afraid of?" As a result, the policeman's uncle was very friendly and said to me, "Girl, if this boy is not good to you in the future, you tell me, and I will cut him to death." Later, I learned that it was my boyfriend's father, and I went to see my in-laws after this?"

2. One night I was drunk and took a taxi back to the public security department, the fare was 18 yuan, 50 yuan for the driver, the driver saw that I was drunk, he looked for me for 2 yuan, I was drunk and looked at the driver, the driver asked me: How much did you give me? I said 100 yuan, and the driver immediately said: Obviously it is 50 yuan. I looked at him again, and he looked for 30 bucks. I was still drunk and misty looking at him, an hour later the driver cried, I thought I have time anyway, just in time to wake up in the car, the province's home wife did not open the door and was scolded!

3. After work, I rode home in a Yadi electric car. On the way, I was distracted and accidentally scraped a Bentley, my responsibility. Frightened, I knelt on the ground and begged the owner of the Bentley: Brother, I can't afford this car. Bentley Owner: You go to the front McDonald's to help me buy a McWhirle back. I ran quickly and bought a wheat whirlwind and came back and handed it to him. Bentley Owner: I just gave you the opportunity, you can't afford to run. Then he called the insurance company while eating the wheat whirlwind I bought.

4. Today I inadvertently bumped into a rich second-generation boyfriend behaving intimately with a beautiful girl. I paid so much for her, he actually backed me, this must not be able to stand. I angrily asked him, "I didn't think you were a guy who likes the new and hates the old!" The boyfriend defended: "You misunderstood, you are new, she is the old." ”

5. I didn't discuss with my family and secretly bought a house of 2.8 million. The monthly mortgage is more than 8,000, and finally it is overdue, call my dad's place. When I got home, I saw my dad walk into the bedroom on the second floor without a word. Then there was a cacophony of noise from the room, accompanied by the sound of falling things.

A few minutes later Dad came out with a dusty box.

Dad said: "You took the gold bars inside to sell, the extra money to buy a car to drive, your father and I drive a Land Rover every day, you drive a broken volkswagen, the family is not without money, you still mortgage to buy a house?"

ay! I wanted to be on my own.

2. 6. I am a national first-class athlete who graduated from a sports school, and now I am a quality inspector in Futu Kang. The female boss was very fond of me, so he increased my monthly salary from 2500 to 25000. One of the requests was for me to impersonate her boyfriend, thinking that I would just pretend to be her boyfriend anyway. So I often went out with her to socialize, and in order to convince others, I had to pick her up every day to and from work. Three months later I became the head of the company, and now the female boss is pregnant and has taken a back seat. I said that I was promoted by strength, do you believe it........

7. At the time of studying in Tongji, it is no exaggeration to say that I am a school grass and a bully of public knowledge. This damn charm made many classmates have a crush on me. On this day, I was beaten up by a few little outside the school, and I cried loudly in the classroom. At this time, the very ordinary-looking lesbian table kindly handed me a tissue. I was so touched that I immediately wrapped my arms around her and cried bitterly. Now twenty years later, she is my wife. Last night, my wife drank too much and told a shocking secret, and she was the one who was looking for someone to beat me!

8. My son is a picky eater and has not eaten anything lately. Today the boss invited guests to dinner, I thought about eating fish and meat, so I took my son with me. The rice in that restaurant was particularly well cooked, particularly soft and fragrant, and the son who had never eaten to force him to eat ate it ate four bowls! So, in full view of everyone, I chased after the waiter of the hotel and asked where to buy the rice, but without success, I packed a pot of white rice from their hotel and took it home...

9. After buying the shift in the evening, I went to the night market with my friends, we saw that there were scarves for sale, we picked for a while, and left without a picture. Suddenly, a loud voice was heard shouting: You stand for me! We all looked back, thinking the thief had been found stealing something or something. Who knew that the man said again: It is not so cheap to go further, hurry up and see it!

10. When my husband came back from a business trip, my wife asked: After so long of coming back, did you miss me outside? The husband said seriously: Why don't you want to! A month on business, a full 30 days, thinking about it every day! The wife jumped up when she heard it: Well, you have no conscience, 31 days last month, said, who are you thinking about one day? Husband is speechless!

11. After working in the workshop of midea group for 3 years, he was finally promoted to the director of the workshop. Although the salary rose to 75,000, he had to work overtime every night. Once, when I was working overtime until 1 a.m., I was alone at the door of the company waiting for the Didi car master to pick me up. A Lincoln navigator suddenly stopped in front of me, and a deep man's voice came from inside the car: "Bald man over there!" What's the path to the college? "I looked around and there was no one at all. I felt goosebumps all over my body, which scared me into running!

12. I have a bad stomach, I used to see my grandmother in my hometown, and whenever I came to dinner, I was asked to clear the table, finished eating a table of dishes, and then I immediately had a stomach. I said, "Grandma, every time you come to your house, you run the dung pit." Grandma said: Then don't come in the future, let you get some fertilizer and hoard fertilizer are so unhappy!

13. In the afternoon, the father went to the school to pick up his son from school and came home by bus. After entering the house, the son ran to his mother and said: Mom, today in the bus, dad has been chatting with beautiful women. The mother was shocked and asked breathlessly: What did the woman say? The father did not know what was happening, and his heart was very nervous, and both of them turned their eyes to their son. The son smiled and said: The beautiful sister said to her father, stay away from me.

14. On the crowded train, there are a lot of beautiful ladies standing on the aisles. The flight attendants pushed the dining car, and the beauties refused to give way. The flight attendant shouted: Beware of the body! No one paid any attention. She changed her name again: Beware of touching dirty clothes! Only a few women turned sideways and gave way. Finally, the flight attendant had to shout again: Beware of breaking the nylon stockings! So the women all hid to the side.

 #Funny##搞笑段子 #