1. A woman was caught cheating on the spot by her husband. The husband brandished a kitchen knife and asked his wife, "Do you have anything to say before you die?" Wife: "That's the end of the matter, if you want to kill, you can."

1. A woman was caught cheating on the spot by her husband. The husband brandished a kitchen knife and asked his wife, "Do you have anything to say before you die?" Wife: "That's the end of the matter, if you want to kill, you can do whatever you want, and you, a renegade person, have nothing to say." Husband: "When did I start reneging on my word?" Wife: "You said you wouldn't be back today!" ”

2, the son pushed open the door and did not greet me, too ruled, I taught him: "Seeing dad does not know how to say hello?" "It's not that I'm afraid you'll be embarrassed." "You're my son, what's so embarrassing about it?" "What the heck!" "Shall I help you with your homework?" "No, it's written at school!" "Hit DNF?" Take the keyboard away? "Dad, you should kneel, or mom will come out of the kitchen and clean you up again!"?"

3. There is still a month before the goddess's birthday, and I asked the goddess what birthday gift she liked. The goddess said: "People want a Porsche sports car, although more than 8 million, but there is no gift that can make people happy more than a Porsche." I was excited: "This requirement is too low, goddess, I will satisfy you!" "So I didn't give any gifts according to the goddess's wishes."

4, today to go shopping, fancy a crocodile leather bag. I picked it up and looked at it, and the boss said, "This one is now 890,000!" Me: "Cheaper, 880,000 is okay?" As soon as the voice dropped, the boss said, "Okay! I'll wrap it up for you. As soon as I walked to the door of the store, I heard the boss say to the clerk: "I actually saw 89,000 yuan as 890,000 yuan, fortunately, I reacted quickly, otherwise I would not have earned this 800,000 yuan." ”

5, the wife is a Virgo, not only has compulsion and cleanliness, but is very picky about everything, and I am more and more annoyed with her. As a result, she argued, "You know what, I call this perfectionism, striving for perfection in everything." What is like you, whatever you want to make up for it? I really agree with that, after all, she chose me, and I chose her.

6. Went shopping with my girlfriend last night. I saw a little boy in the mall, very cute, and my girlfriend wanted to tease him. Girlfriend: Little brother, how many points did you score on the final exam? Little Boy: Auntie, do you have a baby? Girlfriend: Auntie doesn't have a boyfriend yet, where is the baby? Little boy: Don't be discouraged, worry less about other people's affairs in the future, take more time to go on a blind date, and marry out as soon as possible! Girlfriend: ...

7. When I was in the first grade, in the middle of the night, I actually cried loudly and woke up my father and mother. My mom rushed over and asked me: What's wrong, kid? I said: I want to eat bread! My mother picked up the feather duster next to me and was about to beat me, but my father stopped me and said, "Forget it, the child wants to eat, I'll go down and buy it for him." In the winter, Dad put on a military coat, knocked on several shops, bought bread, and handed it to me. I said lightly: I don't eat strawberry sandwiches, I want to eat bean paste filling! Immediately after, a mixed doubles meal!

8, I have been staying up late for two consecutive days, and if I don't sleep, I feel that I will die suddenly, and I will go to bed after a simple washing. Just lying down in bed, my boyfriend called me, I suppressed my anger and answered the phone, my boyfriend said: I failed baby, I have nothing, I want to fight again, do you support me? I sighed and said: I said that no matter what decision you make, I will support you, come on! Just listen to the boyfriend touched and say: Baby you are so good, boss, two more scratch music!

9, the son of the rich man has been very fat since he was a child, and he has not seen the effect of losing weight for a long time. One day, when the family had dinner, they were discussing what work they were going to do. The rich man said, "You certainly can't inherit my company like this, so just be a bodyguard!" His son asked incomprehensibly, "Why?" The rich man said, "This work is good because you resist beatings!" The wife said, "No! Dry bodyguards have to drive, too heavy! We can't afford to lose the tires! ”

10. Once again, the night became the last one in our factory to go, and was seen by our chairman. So I was immediately promoted to supervisor, and it grew from 3,000 to 6,000 yuan a month. In order to celebrate the promotion, I planned to treat myself well, and went to the market after work to buy 100 pounds of pork belly. When I got home, I made a plate of braised pork. Because I didn't do much, I was afraid that my husband would not have enough to eat, so I allocated most of it to my husband. My husband dialed me again and said, "Honey, you still eat, it doesn't matter if I eat less." My heart was very touched, and my husband continued: Wait a minute, my brother invited me to Quanjude to eat roast duck!

11, mobile activities, free broadband, so I installed a router again. When I got home, I found it on the router: Wireless password: 1111111. Then wordlessly turned to ask my mother. I said: This password is so simple, who comes to connect, if the next door knows, our network will be stuck!!! My mother looked at me and said dismissively: Exhausted, they don't know !!! Who said that password is really a password???

12. Recently heard a new squid: The world is so big, do you want to go out and see? As a result, this word was applied to me, or the boss asked it himself. I quickly said: No, I am not going anywhere, the company is my home, I will not go anywhere. Boss: Well, since this is the case, I will not force you, originally the company was going to organize a tour together, and since you don't want to go, you should stay in the company on duty.

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