1. On the train, the man is alone in the soft bed, and a woman pushes the door in and inserts the door. Open your chest, scratch your hair and say: Give 5,000 yuan, otherwise shout that you are flirting with me. The man was stunned for a moment and took it from his bag

1. On the train, the man is alone in the soft bed, and a woman pushes the door in and inserts the door. Open your chest, scratch your hair and say: Give 5,000 yuan, otherwise shout that you are flirting with me. The man was stunned for a moment, took out a pen and paper from his bag and wrote: I am deaf and mute, what do you want to do? The woman took the pen and wrote down what she had just said on the paper. The man smiled and closed the note to open the door: You can go out.

2. When I was a child, I took a compass and plugged in the wick of a table lamp, and the wolf dog kicked its dog basin when it ate. Climb 20 meters of trees to pick bird eggs, light fire stools at home, and make holes in the newly frozen river in winter to fry fish. There is nothing to climb on the roof and jump down to practice light exercises, and after the rain, run to the grove to dig up various mushroom soups to eat. Roll down the stairs to practice iron cloth shirts, I am me, different fireworks.

3, my girlfriend is a car model, both in stature and appearance is a first-class great, but she has always been keen on beauty. She was always afraid of sagging skin, and asked me every day: You say, is it because of gravity, so the face is drooping? If I stand upside down for an hour a day, will it improve? Then, I was really tired of listening to it. Finally, I coldly replied: Bat do you feel very young?

4, once I was lying in bed in a daze, my father thought I was asleep, so he said to my mother on the side: "You see that our girlfriend is too lazy, if you get married in the future, the man's family is estimated to have to add an ancestor." The mother then said, "Yeah, it's so pathetic, I really sympathize with the future son-in-law of our family." Dad: "That's not it, if someone can really marry our daughter, it must be because there are too many sins in the previous life, and it is not worthy of sympathy!" ”

5. The brother-in-law gave a gift to his mother-in-law's house and chatted with colleagues in the office. Brother-in-law: "My mother-in-law is really not like words, I went to give her a gift, she actually felt cheap, and threw me out." Colleague: "Huh?" How much money did you send as a gift? Brother-in-law: "Less than 40,000!" Colleague: "Your mother-in-law is so snobbish?" What did you buy? Brother-in-law: "I bought a bottle of red wine for 20 yuan at RT-Mart." ”

6. When I was in school at Stanford, I had a roommate in the dormitory who liked to drink. In the summer, he drinks five or six bottles of beer every night. In one summer's work, the goods accumulated more than 400 bottles on the balcony. During that spot check, the roommate was arrested for not attending class, explaining that he had diarrhea. The school leader asked: What is the wine bottle on the balcony? The roommate was stunned for a moment, and then said with a clever move: My family is more difficult, I picked it up, and I want to sell it to earn some living expenses. The school leader said: In this way, if you have difficulties in the future, tell me, don't put the dormitory. From then on, this kid can receive a living allowance of 800 yuan per month.

7, female colleagues took my mobile phone to play, the result to play broken, she said: "Brother, sorry ah, but I don't have money to lose you, so, as long as you don't want money, let me do anything!" "I knew she didn't have any money, so I agreed. In the evening, a female colleague came over and asked me what I wanted to do. I asked her to clean up the housework, and the female colleague nodded. When I was done, I asked her to do her laundry again. The female colleague suddenly became angry: "Brother, are you interested, let me come over at night to either do housework or wash clothes, can you have something serious?" I weakly asked, "What is the right thing?" She said breathlessly, "Brother, you are such a big person, what is the right thing you don't know?" I slapped my head on the door and said, "Go, the study will make a hand-copied newspaper for my son!" The female colleague was stunned and surprised: "You have a son?" "Just because I say no now doesn't mean there won't be in the future!" The female colleague smiled and said, "Well, I'll make a hand-copied newspaper for my son!" I stopped her and corrected, "Don't make a mistake, it's a hand-copied newspaper for my son!" Not your son. The female colleague was stunned for a moment, suddenly angry and left, and said before leaving: "Brother, as far as your IQ is concerned, do you still want to have a son?" "I'm going! Can IQ affect the birth of boys and girls?

8. When a local tycoon goes to charge the phone bill, the waiter lady in the business hall asks, "How much do you want to charge?" The local tycoon said domineeringly: "Fill me up!" The service lady was stunned and said with a gentle smile: "How old are you?" The local tycoon said, "42! The service lady took out the computer: "Your monthly rent of 1280 a month, a year of 15360, well, I believe you will be able to live a long life, so there are 58 years of monthly rent, a total of 890880, do you see whether you swipe your card or pay cash?"

9, the husband in order to drive the Maybach S class, with a 70-year-old rich woman ran away. Through the introduction of the matchmaker, I married a divorced man in my second marriage. After marriage, I found that he never washed his hair without bathing, and yesterday he actually boiled water to wash his hair in the sun! I felt very wrong, why did this product suddenly start to pay attention to its own image! I asked him to give a reasonable explanation. He said that he had not washed his hair in the past two days, and I would believe it. When he picked up the pants he wore yesterday and sniffed them, and then decided to wear them for another day, I completely relaxed my mind.

10. When I was in high school, I always secretly had a crush on a young and beautiful English teacher. Later, after graduating and eating a casual meal, I confessed to her at the instigation of my classmates! Unexpectedly, she immediately made a phone call, and after half an hour, a handsome guy came with a child. The English teacher said, "Tell me about me, this is my husband and son." "I poured myself two beers in a row and pretended to be drunk...

11. A rat and a bat travel by train. At noon, the bat said to the flight attendant: Little chick, pour a glass of water for the uncle. The flight attendant came over and dropped a glass of water for the bat. The mouse next to him couldn't look away and said: Why only pour it, little chick, you also pour a cup for the uncle. The flight attendant opened the window and threw the rat out with his hands, and said lightly: People have wings to fly, do you have them?

#Funny Moment# #年度搞笑名场面 #