1, a male guest said, hello, today I want to find someone who can hold hands with me for a lifetime. I deal with the land all day... (The lights go out half), no high wages ... (The lights went out one more time.)

1, a male guest said, hello, today I want to find someone who can hold hands with me for a lifetime. I deal with the land all day... (The lights go out half), no high wages ... (The lights are half off again), I don't buy a house... (Totally extinguished). The host said that many people look down on farmers for their low income and can't afford to buy a house, which is irrational... The male guest interrupted and said, I am not a farmer, I am a real estate developer.

2, I went to the airport to send money to my sister-in-law who was a flight attendant, because she said that she recently wanted to buy the 39,000 LV bag. When I arrived at the airport, I saw Ichigo and said to my sister-in-law, "No matter who bullies you, I will protect you!" I smiled, then went up and wiped her face and said, "Yo, the chick is so pretty!" "The empty boy looked at me and ran away!" I said to her, "Didn't the boy just say to protect you?" Then I heard a lot of footsteps, and when I looked back, twenty or thirty empty teenagers came to me, and I ran away!

The 3-year-old son came home from school and found his mother lying in bed. "Is Mom sick?" The son asked with concern. Mom nodded. "Don't worry about cooking," the son reassured his mother, "I'll carry you to the stove." ”

4) The Arab student sent an email to his dad: "Dad, Berlin is a good place. The people here are friendly. But I was a little embarrassed to go to school. Everyone else took the subway to school, so I drove a pure gold Mercedes. Dad wrote back: "Son, I transferred $200 million to you." Don't embarrass me, hurry up and buy a subway! ”

5, aunt took my hand and said: "Girl, you are so good, I hope that the next time I come, I can hear you call me Mom!" After saying that, after the aunt left the aunt and left, he calmly locked the door and said to me: "Wife, wash the dishes and chopsticks, and then wash and sleep" I said: "Big brother, whose wife do you call?" Have you forgotten! I was hired by you for two hundred bucks."

6. Dad: Where did you go today? Son: I went to school. Dad: You fart, Lao Tzu is in a good mood today to pick you up at primary school, and the children have all gone without seeing you. Say, where are you going, don't tell the truth, look I don't beat you to death today. Son: Dad, I went to middle school.

7. Called to school by the teacher. Teacher: "Your son grabbed a caterpillar and threw it in the bag of his female classmates." "Me: This... The child is too skinny, I went back to teach him a lesson, this is not a big deal, call me a bit of a fuss, right? Teacher: "The problem is, the female classmate trampled the caterpillar to death, and your son said that at that time, his daughter-in-law sugar treasure, let the female classmate pay him a daughter-in-law." "I...

8. After the cousin finished the college entrance examination, he played games at home for five days. His aunt kicked him out and told him to travel. As a result, my cousin left home and went to the Internet café, and then sent me two hundred red envelopes and a few selfies, asking me to take him to Jiuzhaigou. Blame me for not being careful, in the lower right corner of the photo, two aunts in down jackets sold their cousins who wore short sleeves.

9. After my cousin graduated from college, the neighbor asked her to do tutoring and tutoring the first grade of primary school. A few days later, my aunt ran angrily and said: Don't let your cousin go, you go and teach. I asked her the reason, the reason for me is that my cousin just finished college, read too many books, the first grade has long forgotten, can not teach others, and I am a secondary school graduate, did not read much to forget less, I went to teach more appropriately! This logic can only say that I really convinced.

10, the fly is very dissatisfied with the mosquito, complaining: "Don't you just go to dinner?" It's like parting with life and death, as for? The mosquito responded angrily, "As for? You can eat and find, but I have to fight for my life every meal I eat! ”

11. A new quality director recently came to the factory, requiring everyone in the factory to study and examine the drug quality management regulations. During the exam, the cafeteria aunt next to me said, "Boy, let me copy." I was embarrassed and said, "Auntie, I was seen by the manager and fined." Canteen aunt: "Let me copy, after you eat I will not shake my hands." Me: "Auntie, I finished writing, let's change the paper, I will answer again, how tired are your writers." ”

12, eat breakfast, see the hostess herself cleaning the dishes, ask; didn't you find a dishwasher yesterday? How not to use people! The hostess smiled and said; too hygienic, we can't afford it! On the first day, I washed all the disposable cups in my shop...

13. The brother-in-law who graduated from Lanxiang was taken in by a rich woman when he was a maintenance worker in Evergrande, and the brother-in-law became the woman behind the rich woman, and the family was rich. He was in a particularly good mood and invited me to the stall for a drink. In the end, I was almost drunk, and my brother-in-law had to drag me to the bathhouse to take a bath. When I got to the door, I said: Let's change it, this environment is not very good. The brother-in-law waved his hand and said: It doesn't matter, it's actually quite good here. As soon as I entered the door and rubbed my back, I shouted: It was the boy who rubbed his back last time to block the sewer. The brother-in-law patted me on the shoulder and said: "Wash it for a long time?" We have money!

14, from childhood, the family was poor and could not afford to pay the tuition, my father asked me to bring the words to the class teacher, saying that the millet was sold in the autumn, and the money owed to the school was paid off at one time! After school that day, the class teacher left me alone at home and asked me about the tuition fee, and I was very distressed to sort out the quotations: "Dad said, you wait, he wants to find you to settle the account after the autumn!" "From now on, wherever the class teacher goes, he has to take crutches with him!" ......