★ The eldest sister-in-law is beautiful. Divorced today. Move to my house. After dinner in the evening, the eldest sister-in-law wants to take a bath. My wife was afraid that I would peek at my sister-in-law taking a bath and told me to go out and hang out. I'm indignant

★ The eldest sister-in-law is beautiful. Divorced today. Move to my house. After dinner in the evening, the eldest sister-in-law wants to take a bath. My wife was afraid that I would peek at my sister-in-law taking a bath and told me to go out and hang out. I said indignantly, Am I that kind of person? Then I went out the door breathlessly. Just after arriving at the door of the community, a strange young woman pulled me aside. The young woman said that she had come here for a tour, and that her mobile phone and wallet had been stolen. Tell me to do well and lend her 50 bucks. She was hungry and wanted to have dinner. I was surprised and said, does it cost 50 yuan for dinner? I'll give you ten bucks, there's a bun shop over there, two bucks for a meat bun, and you can buy five. The young woman nodded and said, ten dollars is fine.

★ I've been in love with a girl for a long time, but every time I go on a date with her, I spend most of my living expenses, so I have to wait for a little over half a month to ask her out. Yesterday the girl asked me angrily, "Why don't you come to see me??? I plucked up the courage to tell the truth: "I, I, I look down on you." "I didn't say the wrong thing, how did she block me.........

★ Saying that men like good-looking women is not coveting her beauty, but the self-discipline and perseverance behind it to keep her good-looking. Women like men who have money and gold, not covet his money, but the diligence and strength behind the wealth. Charisma is the wealth that others cannot copy!!! I read this passage several times, and after being silent for half a moment, I sighed with indignation: Such a thing as lust and greed for money has been expressed so freshly and unworldly!!!

★ Today the sister-in-law went on a blind date, did not expect that the other party is an old smoker, a moment of kung fu half a box of cigarettes is gone. So my sister-in-law asked him: How many years have you been smoking??? The boy thought about it: 15 years should have it??? Sister-in-law: Like you smoke Chinese every time, save it, you can't buy a BMW??? The boy smiled, then wiped it in his pocket for a moment, wiped out a handful of Maserati car keys and put them on the table!!!

★ When transferring money to a female colleague who shared the house, I accidentally had an extra 0, so I hurried over to ask her to give me the excess. As a result, she said: "Brother, why are you so stingy, 500 becomes 5000, isn't there more than 4500?" With our relationship, we can't take such a little money from you in vain? I said busily: "Don't talk nonsense, we have a normal relationship, hurry up and give me the money!" The female colleague said, "Brother, if this is not the case, I will invite you to dinner." "I refused as soon as I saw that it was already eleven o'clock in the evening. The female colleague said, "Brother, are you stupid?" I sneered darkly, who didn't know her thoughts, went out to dinner so late, and by the way, naughty, and then I was sure I was embarrassed to ask for money. But that's 4500, not worth it! The female colleague saw that I couldn't get in the oil and salt, so she went back to the room breathlessly, and after a while she opened the door and said: "Brother, it's late autumn, it's a little cold!" "I said you put the warm water bag on. The female colleague said I was stupid. I ignored it. The time is not much, and the female colleague called me again: "Brother, how do I feel that there is someone outside the window, a person is very afraid!" I exhaled and said, "You still say I'm stupid, are you stupid, is your room by the window?" Obviously my room is by the window. The female colleague said, "Am I not in your room?" "I hurried over and chased her up, really, I haven't washed it in a year, how can I let someone else sleep?" So tossed into the middle of the night, the female colleague was sleepy, so she returned the money to me, and said breathlessly: "I really served you, and I still see someone like you for the first time!" I sneered again, not caring about her taunts at all, what was wrong with me? I just want my money back. How difficult it is to make money, 4500 more than a month of salary, it is really not worth it!

★ When I got home from work at night, my wife sat unhappily on the couch! I walked over and wrapped her up and said, "Baby, what's wrong with you?" The wife pursed her lips and said: Your ex-girlfriend came this afternoon, and I made her a table of delicious food! I was shocked and said: What did she come to do, didn't she argue with you? The wife said: She said, if I don't leave you, she won't live! I think this person must let her eat a good meal before she dies! ”

It was a pity to see this basin of water poured down, so I put my foot in it. To this day I still remember the frightened look in my husband's eyes when he came in and saw this scene...

★ My cousin just graduated from college and studied logistics management. At 11 o'clock this evening, I saw my cousin send a circle of friends and said: "Is the egg fried rice the egg first or the rice first?" "There were many respondents, and I replied. Half an hour later, my cousin sent another circle of friends: "I listened to most people's opinions, I put the eggs first, but why didn't anyone tell me to put oil first!!!! The pots are all black!!!! ”

★ I shared a house with my girlfriend, and I had something to do with my business to return home for a month. Back at the cabin today, the water dispenser indicator was broken for a long time and he didn't care. Curiously, I asked, "How do you usually judge whether the water is open or not?" "My girlfriend pulled me to get a glass of water, a full glass. Until the water splashed on the back of my hand and made me scream bitterly, girlfriend: "That's how I judged it." ”

★ My dad is very fond of dogs, he used to buy a purebred Tibetan mastiff for 590,000 yuan, and I have a very good relationship with this Tibetan mastiff. I remember once I was playing hide-and-seek with my friends, and everywhere I went, this Mastiff followed me, causing me to hide no matter where I was hiding, as long as I saw my mastiff on the side and felt that I could find me. Later, in order not to let the Tibetan mastiff follow, I threw it two steamed buns, taking advantage of the fact that it did not pay attention to the bottom of the cabinet. Unexpectedly, I was not found by my friends, but the Tibetan mastiff found that I was missing after eating the steamed buns, and dragged me out from under the cabinet!

★ I accidentally broke the mirror my ex-girlfriend sent me. It was the only thought she had left behind, and I squatted down trying to restore the fragments. Dad was worried that I would hurt my finger and hurriedly kicked it. Me: Dad, do you think the broken mirror can be reunited? Dad: Others may be able to reunite with broken mirrors, but you can't! I looked at my father, who narrowed his eyes and said seriously: Because the mirror your girlfriend sent is square! #Funny# #幽默搞笑段子 #