After 2016, the opening up of the national two-child policy has become more and more intense. Now most people's living standards and economic level are enough to support the growth of a child, so we can see that some people around will actively prepare for pregnancy.
After all, many families are only children, parents are afraid that their children will be lonely in the future, and the family will be extremely deserted, so they will consider preparing for a second child.
It's just that many parents may never consider the idea of their own dabao before giving birth to a second child, and when the child is born, the relationship between dabao and erbao becomes their biggest headache. If the age gap between children is small, it will only make the parents unusually grumpy.
Some time ago, when chatting with her girlfriend, she talked about her family's big treasure and second treasure, in fact, her two children are very well-behaved and obedient in our eyes.
Usually when going to her house as a guest, the two children are not very noisy, they are sitting quietly on the side to eat, but this time the girlfriend actually complained to us: "Her children have changed their temperament in the past two days, and the original more well-behaved Dabao suddenly began to follow behind his parents' butts every day, and Erbao also likes to quarrel with Dabao, and the two people often compete for the remote control board and compete for the same toy."
Seeing such a situation, the small two do not know how to solve it in the end? You can't beat two kids together! Of course, in the process, the girlfriend also said that she observed a problem: "Dabao and Erbao both prefer to be held by their parents and mothers." ”
I believe that the above mentioned this problem, many bao mothers may encounter when taking care of their children, perhaps in our opinion, more well-behaved and sensible or even more independent dabao, after the birth of the second treasure, it became extremely guarded.
As soon as he saw Erbao and his parents intimate, it would make him jealous inside. After the second treasure is born, there is a big treasure, and there will also be a certain sense of crisis.
For those more sensitive children, as long as the father and brother or sister are close together, they will also cry and cry for hugs.
Of course, there are also euphemisms, that is, to properly compete for favors, using so-called intimate contact to show their state. So have you ever thought about why children like to be hugged at this stage?
01 In a second-child family, children like to be held, which may not be a good thing
Perhaps some parents will think that their children like to be hugged, and they are willing to contact their parents and mothers, which is a good thing, and parents should respond to the relationship with their children.
In fact, this may be a one-sided understanding of parents. We can also think from the perspective of children as to why they behave in this way.
When I was chatting with a friend before, I talked about his childhood. He also said that at that time, his parents had several children, plus he was the middle one, so he often did not get the protection of his parents.
Basically the mother will take care of the big and the small, thinking that the middle one is more independent. In fact, sometimes when he saw his mother holding his brother and brother, he was also very envious.
Only later, when I wanted to hug my mother, I never responded to him, and I never made such a request again. Of course, when it comes to his mother's behavior towards him, he is also extremely sad and melancholy.
From this example, we can realize that the child wants to hug, in fact, is to let the parents perceive their existence. When is it necessary to express yourself through such an unreasonable demand? This already implies that there is a certain psychological problem in the child.
◆ Children are insecure
Under normal circumstances, children with a sense of security, whether they are separated from their parents or intimate contact with their parents, will not show strange emotions because they believe that their parents will not leave them at any time.
However, for two-child families, some parents may be biased when taking care of two children, which leads to a certain competitive pressure between the two children.
Dabao may think that the parents' concern has shifted, and Erbao is afraid that the parents only care about Dabao, and the competition between the two children often leads to insecurity.
◆ Lack of belonging
After Dabao is born, parents will pour all their efforts into their children and give all the best to Dabao. Therefore, Dabao has a lot of sense of belonging from his parents, but after the birth of the second treasure, parents will consider that the child is small, and this kind of attention shift will occur.
Children may think that they have lost the role of the main bone in the family and will be abandoned by their parents. If the parents do not carry out some guidance in this process, it will only make Dabao lack a sense of belonging. At the same time, Erbao feels unusually uncomfortable because of the existence of Dabao, and the lack of belonging is also a relatively normal state.
◆ No longer trust your parents
Dabao may also be unusually panicked after seeing his brother, and even have some doubts about his parents in his heart. When the younger brother saw the existence of Dabao, he would still have a competitive mentality. So it's a conflict between two children who will no longer trust their parents because of the presence of the opposing party.
It is only because parents are the most dependent existence of children, children get along with their parents after birth, they have to choose such a way to prove themselves, but it has also hinted at their inner distrust of their parents, worried that external existence will affect their status.
02What kind of harm will this situation cause to the child?
Once there is a lack of security, a sense of belonging, or even a situation of no longer trusting the parents, it will definitely have a very obvious negative impact on the child.
Coupled with the fact that two children are together, the impact will be doubled, and parents should also be aware of the consequences of these actions:
1) The child becomes extremely inferior and weak
Compared with the previous sunny and well-behaved children, in the second-child family, the child has no way to live in harmony, which will lead to a big change in temperament.
Because both of them have a certain misunderstanding of their parents, they may perceive the state of their parents themselves and become extremely inferior and weak. Often wonder if your parents don't love themselves? Do you love your brother more or do you have more brothers? Falling into such endless thinking will also lead to psychological setbacks.
2) The child becomes more extreme
I have seen a news before: the husband and wife actively prepared to conceive and gave birth to a child, but usually ignore the existence of the eldest daughter. Unexpectedly, once the two went out, and when they returned home, they found that the eldest daughter had killed her youngest son. Later, when I asked the reason, I learned that there was a certain difference in the state of the husband and wife in their usual treatment of the two children, which made the children feel jealous in their hearts. It may seem to us that these things cannot happen, but in fact it also implies that some children may be extreme and psychologically problematic because of the presence of younger siblings.
3) Children are prone to trusting others
No one can be an isolated being, and when children are unwilling to trust their parents, they will find another attachment partner. For boys, the harm of this problem is not too obvious, but for girls it may lead to being deceived. The modern social environment is more complex, and I believe that such a situation is not what parents want to see.
03 In a two-child family, how should parents balance it?
The relationship between the two-child family has always been a concern for many education experts. The coexistence of contradictions and harmony is also the norm of the second-child family, which implies that our second-child family is not necessarily full of contradictions, and through the corresponding guidance, the family may be happier.
It's just that parents must pay attention to their own words and deeds in this process to avoid making the two children dissatisfied. Under normal circumstances, if you want two children to get along well, smart parents will do the same.
Inform your child in advance of his or her plans
In our opinion, most of the problems of the two-child family are in Dabao. Because Dabao appeared early, so their attachment to their parents is relatively high, so parents have understood the possible state of Dabao, why are they not willing to inform their plans and plans in advance? Is it necessary to give birth to a child and then tell Dabao that this is a brother or sister? Is this a kind of love and care for them?
Now the child is also relatively precocious, I believe that parents through a certain guidance, will be able to let them slowly accept the birth of their younger siblings, and this will reduce the emergence of family conflicts.
Let Dabao participate in the life of Erbao
There are some second-child families, and Dabao and Erbao get along very harmoniously. Even after erbao was born, Dabao would take care of his younger siblings like his mother.
Sometimes mom and dad are more fierce to their younger siblings, and Dabao will be unusually angry. This is actually because Dabao has taken Erbao as his friend and wants to protect him.
In such a situation, it is also inseparable from the efforts of parents, perhaps during pregnancy, parents should let Dabao slowly contact the second treasure, and at the same time show expectations for the birth of the second treasure.
After the birth of the child, the relationship between Dabao and Erbao cannot be ignored. Parents should also not ask for Dabao with the words "the child is small, you must let him" words. Slowly let him have a sense of responsibility, protect his younger brothers and sisters, I believe that it will be able to make the relationship more harmonious.
Pay attention to your words and deeds
Most of the problems in the second-child family are actually caused by their parents, who want to be good to the second treasure, thinking that the second treasure is relatively small, but they have never expressed their ideas to the big treasure. In such a situation, Dabao will make a certain guess, and he will think that his parents do not love him.
For a long time, the depression, dissatisfaction, and sadness in the heart also created a sense of alienation from the family. Therefore, it is very important to pay attention to your own words and deeds, and at the same time communicate correctly with your child to become a state of transparency.
It is true that in a two-child family, it is more complicated than we think, but we also believe that through the reasonable guidance of parents, we can definitely make the two children get along better.
Of course, in this process, we also need to think about the behavior between the two children. If they do have a state of competition for favors, the parents' solution must also be gentle.
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