01
The most changeable thing in the world is the human heart.
The most unreliable thing in the world is human nature.
The biggest headache in the world is getting along with people.
We all think that chameleons are the most disguised creatures in nature, but we all forget that humans are the originators of the camouflage and fickle worlds.
As Wang Zhiwen said, man is a variable function, one moment may be a friend of the same camp, the next moment may be a hostile enemy.
Because human nature is fickle and people's hearts are unpredictable, the matter of "getting along with people" is particularly difficult.
With outsiders, maybe we will be more relaxed, talk about feelings, talk about feelings, not talk about feelings, talk about interests. Even if we can't talk about it in the end, we can shoot and scatter and stop coming and going.
However, it is not easy to get along with relatives. You talk to him about feelings, it's too monotonous. Talk to him about interests, too realistic. Talking about both feelings and interests is the root cause of contradictions. However, we can't shoot two pieces at once, or we need to endure it again and again, and it is helpless to make a scene every time.
Getting along with relatives is not only a technical job, but also an artistic job. Without the art of getting along, we will not live happily after all.
Between relatives, the treatment is not good, and they are not willing to turn their faces, then we may as well deal with it like this.
02
If there is a bad relationship between relatives, then we may as well keep our distance.
In psychology, there is such a "hedgehog law". Get too close, and you and I will have conflicts and hurt each other. And if we lean too far, then our feelings will become thin.
For the distance of "interpersonal relationships", in general, we must grasp a "degree".
For example, if you have a conflict with your lover, then you should not talk to him too much on his anger, be a little distant, and wait for his anger to subside, and then say it clearly.
After experiencing this incident, the husband and wife should not be too close to each other. How pro-tiring it is now, how fierce the contradictions behind it are. What should be close is close, and what should be far is far away, in order to make the feelings last.
For example, if you have a conflict with your brothers and sisters, then you don't have to bow your head in front of your brothers and sisters, you only need to be estranged for a while, the contradiction becomes no longer sharp, and the relationship will ease up a lot.
Therefore, even if it is a relative, you can't get too close, which is the wise choice.
03
If there is a bad relationship between relatives, then we must avoid the heavy and light.
Since ancient times, we have had such a tradition - playing tai chi.
What is Tai Chi? It is what we often call "pushing and dragging". Push the responsibility aside, and then drag on some things, and finally pull the relationship, then the relatives will not be less contradictory?
There are too many people, because they are too straightforward, and everything is straight forward, not only hurting themselves, but also hurting others. In this way, doesn't the contradiction arise?
In this regard, we may wish to look at the way "playing tai chi" gets along.
Your relationship with some relatives is gradually deteriorating, and there are still some irreconcilable problems, so all you have to do is to use another problem in time to cover up this irreconcilable problem. This is what we often call "transferring contradictions.".
When you have transferred the contradiction, then you can always "drag" the relationship, do not easily offend the other party, and do not show any intimate behavior. In the end, the relationship is normal.
Between relatives, when it is time to play tai chi, it is still necessary to play tai chi. There are some things that cannot be faced directly. In this way, it is good to divert the contradiction.
04
If there is a bad relationship between relatives, we must "pretend to be stupid".
Emperor Tang Dynasty said that he was not stupid, deaf, and did not do Ajiaweng.
If a person does not know how to pretend to be deaf and dumb, it is difficult for him to deal with the relationship between the family. Because there are some family problems, it is difficult to completely solve. In this way, properly pretend to be stupid, then you can do it.
Just like the "mother-in-law contradiction" between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law, can this really be solved?
To put it nicely, as long as you know how to compromise, I also know how to compromise, and all contradictions can be resolved. However, since ancient times, the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has been sharp, so how can it be easily compromised?
Since it cannot be solved, we must avoid it. And the best way to avoid non-contradiction is to become a "tumbler", others do not move, we do not move, even if others attack us, we only need to shake a few times, still will not be hurt in the slightest.
The vast majority of those who are really not affected by contradictions are people who are accustomed to "pretending to be stupid".
All pretending to be stupid will make others attack, just like hitting on cotton, not only to discourage others, but also to save themselves. Kill two birds with one stone.
05
Relatives do not get along well, we must know how to "ignore idle things".
Instead of fixing things after they happen, avoid certain problems before they happen.
In your opinion, why is there a situation of "bad treatment" between relatives? Either it's because we're in charge too much, or we're offending someone else's interests.
On the whole, the offense of interest is the root cause of all relationships. The specific behavior of violating interests is that we manage too much and do not know how to maintain the principle of "not caring about ourselves and hanging high".
There are some things that we don't have to do with us, then we leave them alone. Just think, you are kind enough to manage this matter, and then be disliked by people, then you are not thankless?
There are two kinds of people in this world who cannot be, one kind of person is a naïve and naïve old and good person, and the other kind of person is a troubled person without any sense of crisis.
People, do your duty.
That's all.
Wen/Shushan has deer