The philosopher Schopenhauer once said:
"The stronger a person's desires are, the more they are greedy for the fulfillment of their own desires, the more distress and anxiety they suffer."
For parents, it is an instinctive expectation to want their children to be healthier and better.
Because of this, every word and deed and every move of the child all involves the anxious nerves of parents.
If parents blindly worry about their children's health, schooling, and marriage, they will only drag each other into a whirlpool of pain.
Because, for a family, the greatest sorrow is not the lack of money, nor the separation, but the endless anxiety.
Worry about your child's health
"The Art of Love" reads:
"Responsibility is my response to the needs of another life, expressed, or not yet expressed."
Parents are convinced that taking care of their children is their great responsibility, and it is inevitable that they will be anxious when they see their children get sick.
But if you can relax and calm down, it may be more conducive to the healthy growth of children.
Zhihu previous netizen Xiaolin shared his story:
Her gastrointestinal function is particularly weak, and she does not dare to touch spicy, cold, and greasy food.
Her parents were very worried about her health, so they strictly controlled her diet for fear that something would go wrong.
They went out of their way to buy organic vegetables and prepared a special vegetable and fruit cleaning agent to clean the vegetables.
Not only that, but her parents also prepared special kitchenware to cook food for her.
In addition to strict dietary controls, her parents also restricted her daily activities.
After school, Kobayashi never lingers outside or plays with her friends because her parents are worried that she will catch germs from others.
Under the careful care of his parents, Kobayashi has been sick less often, but his body is still fragile.
At a dinner party, at the strong recommendation of her relatives, she ate two more pieces of braised pork.
Without thinking about it, Xiao Lin began to feel nauseous and vomiting, and he started to have a fever at night.
The parents were frightened and rushed her to the hospital.
The doctor earnestly told the parents:
"It's normal for parents to worry about their children, but overprotection because of anxiety doesn't help their children's health.
We still want to let children get in touch with some people and things in the outside world, and then combine them with appropriate exercises to enhance their physical fitness. ”
After listening to the doctor's advice, Kobayashi's parents realized that their previous behavior was somewhat ridiculous and needed to readjust their strategies to protect their children's health.
Since then, Kobayashi's health has slowly improved.
There is a saying:
"A healthy body is the foundation of everything."
But excessive tension about a child's health can make parents lose their basic rational judgment.
Maybe it was a decrease in immunity, but because I was too anxious, I was scared a lot.
Parents may wish to pay more attention to their children's diet, sleep and exercise on weekdays to help them develop good habits.
In this way, when a child is sick, parents will not be as scared as usual.
Because I put in enough effort on weekdays, I won't be so flustered at critical moments.
Anxiety about your child's learning
In "The Heart of Poor Parents", it is written:
"For the education of children's success, it is better to listen to nature, and it is not appropriate to force children to do reluctant things."
As a parent, you can't help but feel anxious about your child's learning.
However, if you interfere too much, not only will the child's grades not improve, but will exacerbate the conflict between parents and children.
Yan Lili is a very strict mother, she planned the route of key junior high school and high school for her daughter Xiaomi early, and hoped that the child would go on step by step.
When she was in elementary school, Xiaomi was very well-behaved and cute, not only with outstanding academic performance, but also proficient in singing and dancing.
In fact, Xiaomi doesn't like a tightly controlled life at all, but she can't resist it.
After going to junior high school, Xiaomi's learning state is not as good as before, and the first monthly exam is in the middle of the class.
When Yan Lili saw the report card, her spirit began to be highly nervous, and she controlled her child's every move more strictly.
Once, Xiaomi made an appointment with a friend to go to the bookstore on the weekend and buy some delicious food to treat herself.
When he was about to go out, Xiaomi was stopped by his mother and was not allowed to go out.
Mi was so angry that she pushed her mother's hand away and slammed the door.
Seeing that Xiaomi was unhappy, her friend patiently enlightened her.
The two slipped home very late, but who would have thought that when they got home, their mother slapped their heads and covered their faces at Xiaomi.
Since then, Xiaomi no longer makes appointments with friends, but she no longer obeys her mother's arrangement when it comes to studying.
From time to time, she would quarrel with her mother, and her grades plummeted.
The writer Gorky once said:
"Love the child, that's what a hen does. However, to be good at educating them, it is necessary to have talent and profound knowledge of life. ”
There are quite a few families who put too much effort into their children, but they don't make a big difference.
Because parents ignore that children's learning ability depends on internal drive.
If you blindly suppress and control children for the sake of scores, it will only stimulate their rebellious mentality.
On the contrary, when parents let go of their obsession with grades and turn to understand what their children really think in their hearts, children will also open up to their parents.
Under the guidance of their parents, little by little, children will realize the importance of learning, and they will be more willing to take responsibility for their own future.
Because children's nature is not to avoid learning, but under the pressure of their parents, they have a strong resistance to learning.
Worry about your child's marriage
There is a saying:
"There is nothing more beautiful and attractive than a happy marriage."
It is understandable that parents hope that their children will get married as soon as possible and have a happy married life.
But if parents are too anxious and keep talking in front of their children, they are afraid that it will cause dissatisfaction among their children.
Xiao Nuo is 29 years old, she works in Guangzhou and earns a good income.
Every time she called, her mother was urging her to find a partner.
On May Day, his mother asked Xiao Nuo to go home and celebrate his grandmother's 80th birthday.
As everyone knows, my mother just used my grandmother's birthday as an excuse to call her back for a blind date.
She wanted to leave, but in order not to embarrass the middleman, she had to go on a blind date.
Over the course of three days, Chauno met with three boys.
They all stayed in their hometowns to work and couldn't understand her idea of working in the field.
After thinking deeply, Shano felt that they were not on the same channel, so he told each other that they didn't need to contact each other anymore.
When her mother found out, she was so anxious that she couldn't help but scold her:
"You're not too young, don't be so high-spirited, just make do with your life."
After hearing this, Xiao Nuo couldn't help but retort:
"I'd rather never get married for the rest of my life than just find someone to fool around."
In the next two days, the mother was not discouraged, but mobilized seven aunts and eight aunts to introduce her daughter to the object.
But Xiao Nuo was fed up with her mother's self-assertions, and before the introducer could lead the blind date to the door, she bought a ticket and quietly returned to Guangzhou.
Because she doesn't want to be tied down by her mother's anxieties, she wants to be free to take control of her life.
There is a saying: "In the eyes of the older generation, not getting married is equal to shame and abnormality." ”
Because of this, many parents do their best. It is also necessary to arrange blind dates for children, not only for the sake of their children's families, but also for their own face.
However, from the perspective of the younger generation, marriage is no longer a necessity in life.
Women, in particular, are more worried about getting married and reducing their quality of life.
Therefore, many young people have a skeptical and wait-and-see attitude towards marriage.
If parents insist on urging marriage, it will only stimulate their children's fear of marriage.
Conversely, if parents stop spreading anxiety about late marriage, children will see the benefits of marriage rationally.
They will be more willing to find a suitable partner for them when they are free of resistance.
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There is a saying:
"Let go of anxiety and embrace the future of your children."
Don't worry about your child's health, time will accompany them to get better slowly;
There is no need to worry about children's studies, internal drive is the strongest weapon;
Don't worry about your children's marriage, trust them to live well alone.
Please believe that every child is an angel sent by God, and their life will be lived to their own wonderful!
Author | Poetry · Niyo every day, a part-time worker in the workplace during the day, an independent writer at night, in an uncertain world, using words to provide a certainty!