People to middle age, divorced couples, men and women in their later years who are more desolate? I had a trainee who was 45 years old when her husband suddenly told her that he had been having an affair for 5 years. appear

People to middle age, divorced couples, men and women in their later years who are more desolate?

I had a trainee who was 45 years old when her husband suddenly told her that he had been having an affair for 5 years.

Now he finally made up his mind to divorce, if he did not agree, he would not return every day and night, even if he went home, he would also go crazy with all kinds of alcohol and smash the valuable things in the family.

Later, after her 13-year-old son tried to stop his father and was slapped, she finally woke up and agreed to divorce.

Less than a week after the divorce, the man who had been in love with her for 20 years immediately married the woman, and to her sadness, many of her friends were invited to her ex-husband's wedding.

At that time, she was really rebellious.

She blackmailed her parents because they were all kinds of complaints when they called, saying that she had made a wrong decision, ruined herself, ruined her children.

After her divorce, she went through three stages.

The first stage is the crazy work stage.

In the past, she was very Buddhist at work, and she always focused on her children and on the home.

Now, she has full horsepower, all the dirty work, tired work, hard work, she has taken over, every day in addition to overtime is to take care of the children, at 12 o'clock at night, fall on the bed and sleep.

Think of yourself as a robot and think of nothing.

The second stage is the depression phase.

She was so crazy for half a year, and suddenly a serious illness made her have to stay in bed for a week, and this week, let her fall into the abyss, and the pain that had been suppressed all the time swept in.

In my mind, I flashed the past 20 years and the memories of my ex-husband like a movie, some sweet, some bitter, some sad, some incomprehensible, some angry, some complaining...

If it weren't for her son, she wouldn't even have thought about dying, because the marriage was broken, and she seemed to have lost the meaning of living.

The third stage is the stage of loneliness and fear.

It was not easy to get well, she fell ill, every day to sleep with her son in her arms, the son is already a junior high school student, very dissatisfied with the mother's stickiness, mother and son often clash.

So she came to me, she knew that something was wrong, but she didn't know, how to live in the future?

She knew that her children would eventually grow up, and the older they grew, the farther away they would be from her, and now she still had a job to be distracted, but once she retired and entered the old age of life, she did not know what to do.

When her son participated in summer camp for half a month, she had insomnia at night, and she was afraid that once the child really became an adult, this was her daily life!

I asked her a question:

Why do you think single life is scary?

Why do you have to be with someone to feel alive?

The question I'm asking is the hurdle that many women have to overcome in their lifetimes right now.

In the evolution of hundreds of millions of years, women have an innate instinct, that is, to live for home, to live for relationships, but not to live for themselves.

And men's innate instinct is always to live for themselves.

Especially those women who have lacked love since childhood, it is more likely that they will not be able to tolerate single life, do not allow themselves to have a window period, and leave the family will quickly find a man to marry, so that she can omit the state of "lonely".

For example, my student, she remembers that her parents did not have any physical contact with her, she remembers that when she was a child, she went to the photo studio to take a group photo, and the photographer let her put her arms around her parents, and she felt so strange.

When she tried to do it, her parents actually removed her arm at the same time.

The photographer was dissatisfied: You are so far away, how can you feel like a family?

At the photographer's request, they clung to each other reluctantly, and when she went to hug her parents' waists, she found their bodies as hard as a block of iron.

So when she met a man who was very affectionate to her, she had no resistance at all.

Although she instinctively felt that this man was not her favorite type, she still could not refuse his familiar intimacy.

When we talked about it, she finally understood that the terrible thing was not divorce or loneliness, but that she never knew how to hug herself and comfort her "inner child".

Outwardly, she is 45 years old, but deep down she is only a 3-year-old girl.

By learning the "inner dialogue method" of "self-soothing", she felt for the first time what a happiness it was to love herself.

In the six months of consultation, I can see a yellow-faced, untrimmed woman, how to become more and more happy, she began to dress up, there were 3 men courting her!

She understood that when a woman shines inside, it is when she is most attractive.

At the last consultation, she told me that her ex-husband was now in a divorce, talked to her, said he regretted it, that his brain had been kicked by a donkey, and that his conscience had fed the dog, and asked him if he had a chance.

She asked me what to do?

I said give you a second to answer me right away, do you want to give him a chance.

She said right away: Won't give it to him, because of his little warmth, I can already give myself, the man I want, not like him.

During the Spring Festival, we will continue to launch a special video of the Spring Festival extramarital affair coping strategy, which will be updated every day. In addition, we have arranged emergency customer service, if you encounter problems, you can also send me a private message at any time, I will help you solve.

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