1. The third aunt was hit by a Bentley on the road and became a vegetative person, and the owner lost more than 6 million yuan. After the third uncle got the money, he immediately got along with a 25-year-old flight attendant. Two people now

1. The third aunt was hit by a Bentley on the road and became a vegetative person, and the owner lost more than 6 million yuan. After the third uncle got the money, he immediately got along with a 25-year-old flight attendant. Now the two have been dating for more than half a year and plan to have a wedding. The flight attendant's parents said: Then the bride price is set at 600,000! The third uncle also agreed, and on the day of the engagement, the third uncle looked at both families with a dowry of 600,000 yuan: Isn't this dowry money from our family? Why do your parents also have 600,000? The flight attendant said with special grievance: My mother said that I married you to accumulate eight lifetimes of virtue, and you married me to pour eight lifetimes of mold, and the bride price can not let you out.

2. A rich man from India came to China to travel, got off the plane and booked a ticket back to India on the way to the hotel, and quietly left China without playing. After returning to India, the rich father asked his son strangely: "How did you come back when you first arrived in China?!" The son said with some trepidation: "It's not good, China is going to attack the mainland, the streets and alleys are posted with slogans, writing "print", "laser printing", "fast printing", door-to-door printing, 3D printing." If I hadn't run so fast, I'm afraid I wouldn't have seen you!" Father said: Thanks to the fact that you have learned a little Chinese before, thank you!

3. Eat breakfast downstairs this morning, when most of the people went to work, and the boss was not busy, so he chatted with me.

The boss said to me: Do you know what the impact of skipping breakfast is? Me: Not good for the body.

Boss: What else? Me: Then I don't know.

Boss: If you don't eat breakfast, it will affect my business...

4. When I came home from work today, I asked my son, who is in the third grade of elementary school: How are the results of this final exam? My son said to me proudly: I have scored 100 points. I said in disbelief: I don't believe it, and the scroll is brought to me to see. My son handed over the scroll, and I was very angry when I saw it: You dare to lie to me, obviously it is fifty points, why do you say it is 100 points. The son smiled and said: Mom, this is not called deception, according to mathematical terms, this is called rounding. I:......

5. Because of the mother-in-law's urging, the sister-in-law who just graduated from college began her first blind date. As a result, after a week together, they were yellow, and I asked, "Why is it yellow?" Don't you always go to his house? The sister-in-law said, "We go every day!" I asked, "What did you do?" Let's hear it! The sister-in-law replied, "What else can I do?" My boyfriend watches TV, I chat with his dad, his dad is willing to talk to me, and he calls me every day! At this time, the old man who had not spoken yelled: "When I went to school, the Chinese teacher said that you couldn't grasp the point, and you haven't changed until now!" ”

6. While eating at home, I suddenly received a call from the beautiful woman of the car shop. She said, "Sir, the car you booked has arrived, and you can pick it up today!" I said impatiently: "The car is gone, after such a long time, my money has long been spent." Beauty: "Sir, in this case, the deposit will not be refunded to you!" I said, "It's okay, you go buy a ring necklace." In the evening, she came back from work, threw five thousand dollars in my face, and angrily shouted, "I want a car!" ” 

7. A female classmate I met when I was studying at HIT suddenly came to my cousin and said that I wanted my cousin to be her boyfriend! But this female classmate is very ugly, the cousin wants to be with her, he will definitely have nightmares at night, so the cousin rejected her and stopped a taxi for her! At this moment, the female classmate suddenly cried with red eyes and said: I have a car, don't bother you. After saying that, she took out the key and walked to a Lamborghini on the side of the road, and her cousin rushed to catch up with her and wrapped her up, and the cousin said with a sad face: I can't bear to see a woman shed tears is a drunken hard injury in my life!

8. When my daughter was just beginning to understand, one day she touched the cup of water on the coffee table to the ground. With a snap, it shattered. The daughter was terrified and stood there overwhelmed, tears swirling in her eye sockets. I hurried over and picked up my daughter and said, "Thank you baby, the years are safe!" Breaking a cup is a good thing. To comfort her, I can only say this.

9. I've been with my girlfriend for six years, and now I'm stable after graduating from college. My father-in-law was finally willing to come out and have a meal with us under my soft and hard bubbles. I wanted to show my father-in-law at the dinner table that I was determined to marry my girlfriend, but I didn't expect a phone call. After eating, the old man said to me in a pretentious manner: How much money, I will pay the bill. I happened to be on the phone, and I handed him the consumption slip without noticing... Don't know if you can still marry her daughter?

10. My cousin opened a fruit shop in the town. One day a man and a woman came over to inquire about the price of fruit, and the cousin said that the apple was seven dollars a pound. The man: Other people's homes sell five pieces, you sell seven pieces, look at you like this, the fruit will definitely not sell. Cousin: What's wrong with me? People are divided into three, six, nine and so on, so why is your wife more beautiful than other people's families. Then, the cousin's fruit was bought by the woman for more than ten pounds.

11. The cousin chased the flight attendant for two years, and the flight attendant still ignored her, and suddenly sent a WeChat message to the cousin on this day: "Is there time?" The cousin said, "Empty, what's wrong?" The flight attendant said: "Can you send me 2,000 yuan, I am in a hurry." The cousin immediately sent it over, and then asked: "What, what do you want the red envelope for?" The flight attendant replied in seconds: "Buy AJ for my boyfriend to wear." ”

12. One morning in the winter, the farmer found a frozen snake at the door of his house. He took pity on it and put the snake in his arms. Returning home to find that the snake had not yet awakened, the farmer put the snake in a jar. In order to make the snake recover as soon as possible, the farmer put 30 grams of ginseng, 500 grams of goji berries, 100 grams of cooked ground yellow, 1000 grams of rock sugar, 5000 ml of white wine into the jar... 

13. The company is bankrupt, the employees are running away with buckets, and my years of hard work have been destroyed! My mother saw me like this and said to me, "Child, even if everyone gives up on you, you absolutely can't give up on yourself, you know?" I replied movingly, "Got it!" Then my mom turned to my dad and said, "He knows, let's go." ”

#Funny##搞笑段子 #